The Kinda Grand Tour [FINALE]

TheBobWiley · 9 May 2017 03:04

Team: Clutch Droppers

Day 0 - response

After pulling into the Park and making complete fools of ourselves with the unmuffled exhaust, we were feeling pretty good. However, just after we finished parking some older dude from one of the other camps came over to us. He had a badge in his hand and wanted to know why our car was so loud.

Now if he had not had a badge we would have ribbed him a bit about being some “old man” that can’t handle how awesome our car is. But having respect… and fear… for officers of the law we all came to attention real quick.

Bob: O, I am sorry officer, I think the muffler came unhooked as we were pulling into the park area, we will get it fixed before the start of the race tomorrow. We have a pretty crappy exhaust on this thing and it is giving us some trouble… sir.

Jason and Ryan: snickering at my groveling Yes sir, we will get it looked at first thing in the morning, but we are beat for the day.

As the officer walked away we gave each other stupid/scared smiles.

Bob: I guess the fun police are in town… which may make our balls-out strategy a bit dangerous. O well, we will deal with it as it comes.

Day 1 - Morning

In order to get the car ready for the first leg of the journey, we decided to wake up at the crack of dawn, about 5:30 am. The first thing we did was get our fire from the previous night relit and start cooking up some bacon and eggs. When we stopped in Seattle the day before we picked up a few perishable items for today’s meals, knowing they would not keep very well in the car. Last night’s low temperature kept our bacon and eggs cool enough to cook up for breakfast, which made for a pleasant start to the day. Once breakfast was wrapped up we topped off the car’s oil yet again and quickly clamped the exhaust pipe back to the muffler to keep Officer No-Fun, happy.

After some final pre-flight checks were done and last night’s emptied beer cases were discarded, we were ready for the race to get underway. Although, the aforementioned numerous empty beer cases were making it more difficult than usual to function so early in the morning. The thrill of the coming days was enough to keep Ryan and I focused, cutting through the haze and weariness of the past few days.

Mikonp7 · 9 May 2017 03:36

Aaron finally lifted his head out the trunk.
“And can we put our things in it ?” Paul asked.
“Mrghrg Mrgh”
“The Gasmask Aaron”
Quickly Aaron lifts the Mask
“When all the bleach drys, yes. I wouldn’t put food into it though”
“We got the whole backseat for that”
“Sure. Did you check the engine "
“YES, I have and I even improved the car !”
Aaron slaps his forehead
“What have you done…”
“I hoped you gonna ask this !”
Happy like a child on Christmas eve, Paul climbed into the driving seat.
“Listin to this”

“HEHEHEHE”
Paul was giggeling like a school girl
“You spend 4 hours on a new horn ?”
Aaron was not impressed with the work of his brother
“OH COME ON. At least i manged to get it installed”
“4 hours ?”
“Well first i read the instruction in French, which was complicated, then i saw the German one, but that was butchered in translation and THEN”
Aaron interrupted " FOUR HOURS”
“It was hard okay…”
Aaron goes to the open hood and takes a look into the engine bay.
“Start the engine”
“Huh?”
“Start the car”
“Um Sure”, with that Paul turns the ignition key.

“Yep… Nice Work”
The horn still proceeds to loop itself.
“You can stop it now.”
The car and with that the horn stops
“So what now Aaron ?” Paul asked
Aaron removes his gloves and throws them into Paul’s Face.
" I gonna get some coffee and then another one…"

VicVictory · 9 May 2017 04:01

(Preface: those of you who have not done your intros and wish to do so and RP up to the driver’s meeting, go ahead and do so in your next post)

Drivers’ Meeting, Friday, 11:00am

“Good morning to you all, and welcome to the Kinda Grand Tour! I see we’ve got all kinds of rides here. Less of a car show and more of a graveyard. That’s exactly how we like it!” the event chair smiled at all the participants, barely holding back a cackle. “We’re passing out the waypoint sheets now. You must check in at and take a picture with your car at each of the required points on this list. Pretty much everything else is up to you. There is no group camp. No requirements on how, when, or where you rest, as long as it’s legal. There will be two winners at the end; the team that makes it the full distance the fastest, and the team that makes it the full distance closest to the average time. At the end, there will be food, fun, and festivities. So get your junkers ready, hold 'em together, and we’ll see you at the end!”

(The event organizers proceed to line up all of the cars at the park exit. A few minutes before the start, they block off the cross-traffic from the left so that all cars can make it unimpeded on to the first road. At noon, the flag drops…)

Legend of Terms:

TBDC: Time Block Distance Covered. This is the amount of mileage covered during the current 2 hour period.
ODC: Overall Distance Covered. This is the total distance that the team has covered since Noon on Friday
MRL: Morale modifier
FTG: Fatigue Level
Notes: Any notes I have for your team during this time block. Including POI results, car issues, etc.

Friday, Noon - 2PM

Weather Conditions: 63 degrees, partly cloudy.

This first section ran down I5 to SR20, west to the Coupeville ferry terminal. All teams made it on to the Salish, avoiding a 45 minute wait for the second ferry.

VicVictory:
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, last row of vehicles at the stern.

@yurimacs
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, last row of vehicles at the stern.

@Fayeding_Spray
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the bow.

@Madrias
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, amidships

@BobLoblaw
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the bow.

@CriticalSet9849
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +1 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the bow.

@BailsMackenzie
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +1 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the bow.

@Mikonp7
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, amidships.

@TheBobWiley
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the bow.

@DeusExMackia
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the stern.

@HighOctaneLove
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the stern.

@strop
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the bow.

@stm316
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, amidships.

@JohnWaldock / @Sillyducky
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, amidships.

@abg7
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the stern.

@rileybanks
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +1 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, first row of the bow.

@koolkei / @FrankNSTein
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, first row of the bow.

@Rk38
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the stern.

@Nomade0013 / @ramthecowy
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the stern.

@SkylineFTW97
TBDC: 86 mi OD: 86 mi MRL: +2 FTG: +0 Notes: Passed POI (Deception Pass Bridge). Currently docked at Coupeville Terminal, loaded on the ferry M/V Salish, near the stern.

Team Greasy Lightning

Team/Car info

“C’mon, Fuzz. Take the picture and let’s get out of here!” Jen barked.

“Hold your horses, sis! Perfection takes time.”

“We don’t have time. We’ve got to get to the ferry dock before it leaves! It’s a 45 minute wait for the next boat!”

Fuzz snapped the shot and bolted for the car. He was barely down, the door not even closed, before Rick slammed his foot on the pedal and the turbocharged Suzume engine whizzed to life. Fuzz slammed the door shut and laughed. “No leaving me behind, Jen. Dad would be pissed.”

“He’ll get over it,” she snorted. “And maybe you’ll finally learn who’s boss.”

“You think you can take me?”

“No, I know I can. Hey Rick, want to take a picture of me putting him in a headlock and giving him a noogie?”

Rick smirked. “Maybe later. We’ve got a boat to catch.” He carefully attenuated the throttle with his foot; the Chancellor’s cruise control system couldn’t be adapted to the Suzume engine, thus control was a rather artistic endeavor. “So where’s the first checkpoint again?”

“Fort Worden State Park,” Fuzz blurted before Jen could reach for the waypoint list. "It’s supposed to be close to the dock on the other side of the water.

“Right. Onward!”

yurimacs · 9 May 2017 05:09

##Team Artiseros

Ernie: Well its go time.It is partly cloudy.

Aldren: When that guy said “the team that makes it the full distance the fastest or closest to the average time”,
that probably means the end of our journey before we start.

Ernie:Ahhh shut it Aldren! The point of this challenge is to just enjoy the whole journey,not just to win and all those stuff.

Aldren: I suppose your right.Say we dont have a cassette,but i bought a small radio with a couple of CD’s.

Ernie: Go play it! It is kinda getting boring

Aldren:OK

Aldren puts a disc in

Ateri: What is this shit?(waking up from drunkness)

Aldren:looks at back seats oh just music

Ateri: Bah! Would rather listen to Eurobeat or something drinks sake.

Ernie: Quit whining over there! Buckle up boys,the trip has just started.
Aldren puts next disc

Miles have passed for the trio in their convertible just the usual, then they stopped and took a picture of the view when they were on the Deception Pass Bridge

Aldren: Its probably time to go catch that boat.With that car developing less than 100 hp we probably wont make it.

Ernie: Not without me on the driver’s seat

The trio rushed to the boat,just in time to be with a pack of cars which seems to forego the same journey

##At the boat

car gets in the ferry

turns off engine

Ernie: Well,we made it in time.There seems to be a bunch of cars in the ferry,they probably must be going in the same challenge.

Aldren: Probably with faster cars.

Ernie: Whatever! Hey Ateri! You ok?
(Sees thumbs up from Ateri in the mirror of the car)

Aldren:He seems to be fine.(jokingly said)

(Aldren and Ernie gets out of the car)

Ernie:sniffs Fresh air indeed of lovely America.

Aldren: There must be a place where we can buy something in this ferry.

Ernie: Maybe.Let go ahead and explore then.
(hears murmurs of other groups)

Aldren: From what i hear from these people,the checkpoint is probably near the dock.

Ernie:Well that means we are closer to having good rest.

Aldren:

And so the trio are going be in a wait,curious whats going to be in the other side.

next chapter coming soon

Team & Car info

HighOctaneLove · 9 May 2017 06:04

Team Mountain Pass

Friday, Day One, Noon to 2pm

Team Mountain Pass

Since I had already adjusted the Ambassador’s controls and seat to suit my driving position, Pierre and Andrew decided to leave me in place and take the first stint at the wheel. Andrew called shotgun and proceeded to search for the most obnoxious radio stations he could find and Pierre plotted our course from the backseat. The first run to the ferry was an easy one with no competitors having any issues and we arrived at the ferry without incident. Since the brake shimmy hasn’t worsened I’ve decided to not worry so much about it for the moment but I plan to take off the front wheels at the end of the day today (if we have time) and check the pads and the rotors…

Man, riding the ferry is boring! We ended up watching the water, to stave off any queasiness, and mentally prepared ourselves for the long road ahead.

Distance required: 86 miles
Distance covered: 86 miles
Morale: +2 (Boats are fun!)
Fatigue: Nil (Early days yet)

SkylineFTW97 · 9 May 2017 06:10

Sorry about doing this so late, got stuck at work. Anyway…

Team DMV Speed Stars

Members:
Felix Ferreira
20, Mechanical Engineering student, Aspiring Gearhead, Son of DMV’s senior accountant

Ethan Miller
20, Electrical Engineering student, Cares more about numbers than experience with cars. Speaking of, his modified Prius averages 58 MPG in case you wondered.

Dennis Austin
20, Mechanical Engineering Student, Cares more about looking cool than having fun

One Week Ago

Felix is poking around his dad’s office after finishing his exams. He’s always looking for inside information about the latest cars. Today, he stumbles on an advert for the tour and immediately gets excited. He runs to his dad to gather further information.

Felix: Dad, did you hear about this endurance race? It looks awesome! Someone from DMV should enter.

Felix’s dad: Yeah, I heard a bit about it. But nobody here is particularly interested. Remember, we’re all old folks here to count the money. You and your friends seem like much better candidates for it.

Felix: You think so?

Felix’s Dad: Yeah. But entries close soon. Anyone wishing to join best hurry and find a car. winks

With that, Felix races back to the campus to gather his friends and hit up Craigslist. He finds his 2 closest friends, Ethan and Dennis.They’re a bit hesitant about the idea at first.

Ethan: Sounds a bit risky. Besides, you’ve never driven anything that bettered before.

Dennis: What kind of car would we be using? I’ve wanted to do a road trip or something, but in an RV. Not some shitty old compact.

Felix: We can make it into one! Like that episode of Top Gear.
beat
Felix: Ok, those were bad examples, but still.

Dennis: I guess so, but nothing too small.

Felix: I can live with that.

Ethan: Good. Your car is cramped enough with us in it. We don’t need to be stuck in anything smaller.

Felix: Is that a yes?

Ethan: Fine, but you owe me one.

Felix: sigh Now to find a car.

The next day

Felix: Guys, I found something.

It’s a 1983 DMV Nebula. It only has 185,000 miles, and he only wants $650 for it!

Ethan: So, what’s wrong with it?

Felix: Look at it. It’s in great shape. I’m gonna go pick it up tomorrow.

Ethan: Keyword. LOOKS great.

Felix: Whatever. You’ll see. It’s the real deal. I can feel it.

Dennis: Wanna bet? $50 says there’s something wrong with this thing.

Felix: Fine. But your doubts just filled my tank with premium gas.

Ethan: We’ll see.

The next day again

The 3 sprint off to the seller’s house after a quick pit stop at the closest convenience store. Felix hands over the money and takes the key, opening it up in the hopes of putting all doubts to rest.

Ethan: I must admit, it is in good shape.

Dennis: Well. They put a pod filter in here. But whatever.

Felix starts the car up.
Felix: Prepare to eat your words and your cash, Dennis.

Felix puts the car in gear and it stalls.
Felix: The fuck?

Ethan and Dennis: That was a beautiful start.

Felix gets going, but the car shifts sloppily due to a slipping clutch.

Dennis: Guess you’re filling my tank. Either that, or you can’t shift anything without your Stage 2 clutch anymore.

Ethan: You know what? I’m glad I came along. I get to watch Takumi Fujiwara here fuck up.

Felix: Fuck you guys. It’s gonna work fine.

abg7 · 9 May 2017 06:28

Team BAGS

Gary: The drive to the ferry was the easy part…

Brian: …as it always is. In fact every other entrant is already on board this boat, without having to wait for the next one.

Amy: The KGT doesn’t really start until we disembark from the ferry, does it?

Stephanie: You’re dead right. And Deception Pass Bridge is just the first point of interest we’ve found… there are definitely going to be many more. Anyway, let’s get some rest for the time being and prepare for the long trip ahead of us.

Madrias · 9 May 2017 06:44

##Team Twin-Snail

Arrival, Day 0

Before the stage

Luke looked over at Team Outriders before opening the ashtray on the Midnight, setting his hidden toggle switches to “low” and “Disarmed” so that their triple truck horns, and more importantly, their train horn, remained undiscovered for the time being. Scott, Amy, and Linda returned to the car with news from the other teams.

“Well, looks like we’ve got some returning teams here. Outriders are back, with the same or maybe similar Enforcer, though it sounds meaner. Looks like they’ve got a scan tool, too, 'case your cable’s busted.” Linda said.

“Also team Mountain Pass managed to find another blue Bogliq to thrash on, so I’m tempted to make a gift of one of our spare fire extinguishers, given how they went out last time. Also, Team Southend-or-Bust is back, so you may want to consider giving the gift of one of those spare server fans you’re lugging around, in the event they blow their air conditioning. Heard they turned that car into a soggy sweatbox last time out.” Scott added, grinning wickedly.

“As for new teams, we’ve got two guys from Gryphon Gear, though we’re fairly sure that their riced-out shitbox does not, in fact, have a thousand horsepower, there’s those jackasses who roared in here that got called out by the cops for being too damn loud, and there’s a rattle-trap shitbox that sounds like someone threw a washing machine down the stairs. It’s driven by an old fart and a couple of kids, by the look of things.” Amy said, finishing the situation check.

“So… We may have allies, but we certainly have people to watch out for. Good thing the Minerva’s got that anti-theft alarm, and I’ve rigged it to the air horns, so if anyone tries to break into the car, everyone’s gonna know it.” Luke said. “Well, let’s get on the move.”

Driver’s Meeting

The quiet whispering among Team Twin-Snail went barely noticed as they sat through the driver’s meeting, most of the conversation being based around how fast they thought they could get away with driving in their dark purple sedan, what music fit the first day drive, etc. There was also a fair amount of half-mocking going on regarding other people’s cars because, after all, they had experience and they’d driven here over 2,000 miles just for the event. And, of course, a betting pool on which car would expire first.

Departure, Stage 1, 12:00 PM

With the Minerva Midnight’s beautiful 3.6 liter V6 all warmed up from idling through the driver’s meeting, Team Twin-Snail set out for the Coupeville Ferry Terminal, blaring AC/DC through the Midnight’s surprisingly good sound system. Setting a modest pace for their first leg, they flew over the Deception Pass Bridge going ‘slightly’ above the speed limit, engine roaring in 5th gear overdrive, and the air conditioning on full blast.

“Luke, turn the fucking A/C off! It doesn’t need to be 50 degrees in here!” Linda said, reaching forward for the climate controls. “We need heat to live.”

As they made it to the ferry terminal, they were loaded up onto the Salish, where it was mutually agreed that they’d get out and explore a bit.

After the Stage

With the Minerva secured and switched off, the only thing they had left was the ferry ride. And while Amy, Linda, and Scott quickly made their way out of the car, Luke stayed behind, insisting he’d much prefer staying in the car and away from the water.

“Really, Luke?” Amy asked.

“I may be highly water resistant, but I sink. And I can’t get out of deep water on my own. So no, I’m staying in the car. Plus, I’ve got better things to do than to find out what that water will do to my titanium chassis. Go enjoy the weather, I’ll be in the car keeping people from stealing our stuff.”

Aftermath

Car:
Still 95%. Needs to have the twin throttle bodies cleaned and the MAF sensors cleaned. Runs fine, though. Very comfortable leather seats.

Team:
-Luke: Comfortable, though staying in the car.
-Scott: Disappointed in the lack of beans on this trip.
-Linda: Hoping they do well.
-Amy: Somewhat worried that someone is going to blow the frickin’ train horn she helped install.

MRL +2 Overall
FTG =0 Overall

stm316 · 9 May 2017 09:29

Day 0

Toni: Looks like we got here early enough. I’ll just park over there (gestures to a spot near the edge of the area).
Bill: Good. We can actually watch as everybody else rolls in.
Wookiee: And I can do a bit of recon, army style.
Bill: You weren’t in the army!
Wookiee: Point?

Later that evening.

Wookiee: I’ve counted 19 others. A few familiar faces, a few new ones. And there’s a tiny little green thingy, with like, a granny drving, or some shit. It’s funny as. I did notice that blue-face dude again. I’m sure he thinks he’s a Gaul or Celt… or something. He looks shifty.
Bill: Says you. Let’s just get some rest. You’ve had your fun.
Wookiee: Not yet. (smirks)

Day 1
Drivers meeting is over and Mr Hankey is warming up in preparation for departure.
Bill: So… how exactly did you find this car.
Wookiee: I suppose I can tell you now. Estate sale. I heard about it, bought it, then told you guys.
Bill: We’re driving a dead man’s car!?
Wookiee: No, we’re driving a dead man’s PROJECT car. It’s different. Say, you wouldn’t know who this belongs to? (holds up a licence plate that’s clearly been “borrowed” from a nearby car)

Fayeding_Spray · 9 May 2017 09:55

##Apex Predators; Day 1 - Section 0-1

Ash was the only one to show up to the Driver’s briefing. Viper and Blisk were making sure that no-one messed with the Tasman. Viper has taken to calling it the Not-Straight. Slone was taking a look at everyone else’s cars, and trying to ignore a hangover

Section 1, To The Ferry!

Viper: Wooo! This thing goes! Who knew the Australians made such a great muscle car!
Blisk: Not so rough around the corners! The seatbelts barely work back here, and we have shit in the boot!
V: Gotcha, Five by five.
B: You’re a twit.
Ash: I love California. We should set up a tech hub here.
B: We have a race to win, Ash, and you’re thinking about the company still?
A: It’s in my programming, Blisk.
Slone: You’re a Simulacrum, Ash. You’re not entirely programmed.
A: Oh. Yeah.
V: Slone, Check if anyone’s near.
S: The Ricebox are near.
V: Got it, takeout’s on my six.

strop · 9 May 2017 11:15

Prologue

#Team Flaming Fart Cannon
###The team
Kai Kristensen
Age: 26
Titles: Gryphon Gear Lead test driver; Gryphon Gear factory race driver
Bio: Drives to chase his demons, and drives as if chased by demons. Driving is his soul and muse. Keeps odd hours, can’t keep still, and the only meaningful way to modulate his moods is music. Has mechanic certification so often gets saddled with wrench duty when on informal road trips. If he looks shifty, that’s because he is; those fingers aren’t just good at nuts and bolts. With his small, lithe frame can also squeeze into tight spots like nobody’s business. His spirit animal would be a ferret.

Stroppy McHorseguy
Age: 29
Titles: Gryphon Gear Design Chief; Gryphon Gear casual test driver
Bio: The catalyst behind GG’s obsession with street-legal four figure outputs and speed at all costs. Has next to no engineering background, so ended up a professional doodler. A former medical doctor who burnt out from burning the candle at both ends a bit too much, he has transferred his obsessive nature to realising a childhood love, hence the explosive proliferation of outlandish concepts and mad projects. His intensity is laced with a certain asceticism, always practicing martial arts and healthy eating. As the one who impulsively introduced Kai to GG, he has frequently been dubbed the unofficial Kai wrangler.

Toothless
2001 Toyota Corolla Ascent Seca E120 (as sold in Australia)

Components:
Original 1.8L 1ZZ-FE block
Bolt-on turbo (found in GG mule testing surplus stock) with air-air intercooler
Forged internals
Tuned ECU
Widebore exhaust
Stock transmission
Neon pink aftermarket alloy wheels 195/55R15 sports compound tyres
Stock brakes
Stock suspension
Stock interior
GT wing
GT splitter
Lidded green tinted headlights
Chrome exhaust tip
Custom sidepanel flame decals

151bhp @ 6900rpm
207Nm @ 3700rpm
0-100km/h - 7.7s
Quarter Mile 15.9s
8L/100km

Clearly an ironic statement, given this served as Kai’s daily for a couple of years. Truth was he didn’t know he had money to spend and his other car was a gifted 2.5M four-wheeled monster that ate hypercars for breakfast and shat fireballs with the power of BOOOOSCHT. Not a great daily. And if you have an unobtrusive shitbox the previous owner’s idea of ‘love’ is ‘push thoroughly’, then why not make a real fist of it and wring what little life out of it left. That’s the idea now: take it on one final voyage where it will probably explode and burn, and where it dies shall be its grave.

Known issues: the clutch is a bit worn and will slip on a hard launch. The right front CV joint sounds dangerously creaky. The rear brake pads are probably just about completely gone. The speakers don’t really work. The horn definitely does not work. The condition of the airbag is… unknown. There’s no spare. On the plus side the engine has been cleaned, polished, greased up and the pistons, while reconditioned, are in good nick.

#Day 0
Heeeeeeey Team Flaming Fart Cannon on the scene with a car that decidedly did not fire flaming farts, but hey, at least it did stand out from the crowd. In parc ferme it seemed that they stood out perhaps a little much, what with the garish colours and all. Strop kind of imagined that the other vehicles might have been a bit more, er, outspoken, but it was rather not the case, and he risked feeling self-conscious. Well, fuck that, this was not the place for being shy, if they managed to venture all the way to Trump (not-my-president) Land!

“Actually come to think of it,” Strop stopped in sudden thought. Kai, lounging across the back seat of Toothless, plucked his earphones off and poked his head through the open door: “Hmm?”

“Isn’t this the first time you didn’t get detained going through customs?”

“Holy shit, you’re right! You got held up instead!”

“That’s right.” Strop jabbed an emphatic finger. “Just saying. It’s racism in action, that’s what it is.”

“What, and the fact TSA like to assume I’m a drug mule every single time isn’t discrimination?”

At this point the delightful invective-laced banter of a certain Jewish-Italian odd couple wafted over the airwaves. “Ahhhh, it’s almost just like Australia, except Australia has less black people.”

The declining standard of discourse in this passage was mercifully truncated by a revving engine with no muffler, plus a lot of tortured squealing on top. One of the racists was seen walking over, producing a badge. Kai rolled over, groaning. “Fuuuuuck what’s a cop doing in an event like this?”

“No, Kai, you are not jacking his ride.” In younger days, Kai had a bit of a track record with the constabulary of more than one country of a range of antagonistic maneuvers, ranging from slipping out of his cuffs to “borrowing” a police car during a multicar chase.

“Aww!” Kai was about to slip his headphones back on when they saw somebody half-jogging towards them. “You guys Gryphon Gear? Holy shit you are!”

“Ah, yes, I suppose so,” Strop scratched the back of his head, suddenly feeling self-conscious again. “Hey Kai, get out here!”

Kai’s head popped back through the door: “wha?” only to find his hand being vigorously pumped. “Oh my god I’m Seb so nice to meet you I’m a massive fan ever since you completely locked out the last AMWEC season these guys didn’t believe you’d do it but I told them you were the real deal and you did it you really did it and what are you doing here anyway can I have your autograph-”

For once Kai was completely outpaced, and, having carried the status of Rookie and Underdog for most of his professional career, he was still not used to actually dealing with actual fans, so all he managed was a bashful grin and a: “sure I’ll sign.” Though of course he didn’t have a pen. While Seb and Kai fumbled around for autographing material, in the interest of politeness, Strop was awkwardly talking to James and Martin: “so, have you done this before?”, though he was aware that each passing moment was a moment closer to having to explain what the actual fuck was with their car.

several minutes later

“Ahaha… long story, that. Let’s just say it’s going to be a Viking sendoff.”

“A… what?”

Strop gestured at Kai. “Danes, y’know.”

Between Seb also not having a pen, Kai insisting if he wanted an autograph, the least he could do was find something to write with, and Strop realising a bit of pre-event briefing might just be helpful enough to reduce their chance of having to hitchhike half the journey with a potential serial killer, they’d formed a bit of an odd party with the beer of Team ‘Southend Or Bust’, the instant ramen of Team Flaming Fart Cannon, and a gas stove. Strop wasn’t much of a drinker and Kai actually generally avoid it given the memories of his angry drunk self yelling at the rain times, but this was an exception. Slightly famous or not, this was the time to do as planned and cut loose a bit, which, naturally, meant whipping out the UE Boom stick and comparing playlists. “Ok, I see you that, but if you want something really fresh, you should check out these guys.”

Now decidedly not shy anymore (and perhaps a little buzzed), Strop proceeded to select his moves from the Ministry of Silly Walks and got his groove on.

#Day 1

“YEEEEAH MOTHERFUCKER I’M FLYING.”

“Kai, shouldn’t you keep your head inside of the door while you’re driving?”

“You just do your navigatey thing, and I’ll do my drivey thing!”

Strop looked at the map again. This didn’t seem too… difficult. Provided nothing major went wrong, which it probably would, but otherwise, they might have to step things up a little bit at the right time if they really wanted to give Toothless the appropriate send-off. Either that, or drop him off a cliff at the end or something. Hitchhiking was kind of a hassle, after all.

But it was a beautiful day, the air was fresh, the skies clear, and the tunes were buzzing with the windows down. This was the best possible start to a roadtrip, culminating in a ferry ride with a whole bunch of shitboxes, ranging from old hatches, older sedans, and a spacevan??? Time to scope out the competition, perhaps, since there would be no driving on the ferry, there’d still be plenty of entertainment to go around.

DeusExMackia · 9 May 2017 11:27

#Team ‘Southend or Bust’
Original Post - Previous Post

“What a nice man that Kai was!” said Seb, still excited at the fact he was in the mere radius of the man.
“I think someone has a crush on someone” said James, mockingly.
“Don’t get jealous James, at least he’d go for me” snapped Seb.
Martin burst out laughing. “Alright, enough man crushing. Seb, I’m very happy you managed to meet your idol”
“Thanks Martin” Seb replied, sending a sarcastic glance to James. “And thank you for coming over before I fangirled too hard”
The other two chuckled. “The car, though” said Seb, “that’s quite something”.
“Told you” said Martin. “I really wonder if they’ll make it”.
“It’s a Toyota. It’ll still be going 100 years from now” replied James.
“Ooh, drivers meeting in 5 minutes. Let’s go” said Seb, and they saddled up for the journey ahead.

.

The boys got off to a good start in the Merna, the only nuance being James’s exclamation that they were on a “ROADTRIP!!” every 5 minutes.
“You’ve been wanting to do this all your life, haven’t you?”
“Yes, Martin, YES I HAVE”.
This part of the world was particularly pretty. The Rockies on one side, Olympic National Park in the distance and sea and islands in the middle. Surely no Erin Merna had been here before?

.

Arriving at the ferry, the boys parked up and got out of the car. “I wonder if the ferry people have any idea what’s going on?” asked Seb, surveying the array of battered cars that filled the holding bay of the boat.
“Nope, but I guess that’s part of the fun isn’t it” replied Martin. Martin’s vision caught something.
“Hey, look, a minivan!” he said suddenly.
“What that DMV Nebula?” said Seb. “My uncle had one of those for a while. Dunno what happened to it”. Seb’s thoughts turned to one night back in 2005 when his parents had been up on the phone until 3 am and had kept telling him to go back to sleep. He’d never asked what exactly happened, but he never saw the van afterwards.
“Any idea where James is?” asked Martin, snapping Seb out of his trance.
“Huh? Oh I think we went up front to look at some of the cars”.

Indeed James had. He’d spotted the Ardent Chancellor of Team Greasy Lightning and was making a b-line for it…

BailsMackenzie · 9 May 2017 14:40

Team Bamford

The red monster was noisily chuffing it’s way towards the Deception Pass Bridge, the elderly Ken holding station at the tattered imitation wood wheel while his three companions talked endlessly.

Ken listened with interest, the boys had gone from a stupid conversation about “memes” and were eagerly discussing the other people they’d seen around, the Erin car and that guy who looked like a Horse.

He smiled, Ken himself had never really paid attention to the world of cars around him, Bamford was done with LeMans by the time Erin started it’s LMP1 team and Gryphon Gear was a strange company run by degenerates to him and here was his own flesh and blood eagerly swapping 0-100 times like crazy…

Aside from a brief incident where Phil dropped his phone and had a mad scramble to save it when he was supposed to be taking a picture of the bridge, the trip went smoothly, fuel consumption was a worry and the gear changes were a damn sight clunkier then when they were in England, but a nice day and some friendly faces had put the worries of the team at ease and they made the ferry with time to spare.

From there, Ken slept in the one clean seat in the car while the boys went racing around to meet all the other teams, figuring that not only would they make friends, but possibly someone who might stop and help them once the Advance broke down…

SkylineFTW97 · 9 May 2017 15:47

Team DMV Speed Stars

Exposition/Prologue

Day 1

Felix and Ethan are fiddling with the clutch.

Ethan: Alright, try it now.

Dennis tries to shift the van, but messes up due to the clutch.

Felix: I told you it wasn’t me messing up.

Dennis: Then that means I win.

Felix: Only if you admit that my driving is fine.

Dennis: Your driving could be worse.

Felix: sighs

He hands Dennis the $50.

Ethan: So if we’re actually doing this, what are we gonna need besides gas and food?

Dennis: Probably something to keep ourselves preoccupied for the drive.

Felix: Perhaps get some outlets to run our phones off of. The radio still works, so we don’t need to bring any speakers. We can just buy one of those cheap adapters.

Ethan: Just nothing too crazy. Extra weight will compromise both performance and fuel economy.

Felix: I’m just gonna get some basic parts. Maybe check craigslist periodically just in case we need a parts car.

Dennis: Just don’t go Speed Racer on us.

Felix: No promises.

Dennis: Figures. You’re used to bad clutches.

Dennis nudges to Felix’s car, a modified Volkswagen CC R-Line

Felix: My performance clutch isn’t bad once you get used to it. Still beats your torque converter.

Dennis: You’ll say that right up until it dies. As in, another 5 minutes.

Ethan: For the record, my car requires the least maintenance out of all of ours. But we should grab our food for the road.

They load up the van with just enough food and water for the trip, plus an extra day’s worth. Just in case. They also pack an inverter, sleeping bags, Felix’s Toolkit, and a fire extinguisher.

ramthecowy · 9 May 2017 16:46

<< This way to the previous post
Day -7
Nomade
“I think we’ve got most of the car sorted out and it has everything it needs to run. Time for a go?” I asked Ram.
“waaaaaaaaaaaaait!” came the reply as things crashed around and Ram came sprinting from around the corner. “Let’s do this!” he grinned. I strode around to the driver’s side door and reached for the handle as Ram did the same on the other side, sliding into the low slung seat. “mmmm” I hummed in assent as the seat fit me snugly.
“So good. Oh, yeah, here are the keys.” Ram extended his hand. With the key slotted in, the time had come. One cough. A little more rattling. The starter motor kept on whirring. For a split second I could’ve sworn the entire thing seized up but with a load roar and a lot of backfiring the engine came to life. Ram was laughing but I couldn’t hear anything because the exhaust, well, didn’t exist really.

Ram
*high five*
This was awesome. An orange midengined Brazilian sports car with the engine from a Honda van. What a car this was shaping up to be.
“Leave it running for a few minutes, Nomade. Give it a few pumps of the brake and clutch… oh yeah, turn the steering from lock to lock, we need to make sure it isn’t leaking any fluids!” I tried to shout over the six cylinder rumble. Nomade gave me a thumbs up so I left to go get the vacuum cleaner, that inside definitely needed a bit of love.

Day -5
Nomade
I headed down to the local garage to pinch some steel pipe to setup a rudimentary exhaust system. It had twin exhausts and we had all the catalytic converters and the mufflers, just not all the bits in the middle. The car was very nearly ready to go.

Day -1
Nomade
Loooooooong trip from Europe. “Hell, I hate these airplanes! We should stay on the ground!” I complained feeling my head spin, while Ram laughed at my shitty condition. It would be a day’s wait as we got the car with us, but my body wasn’t feeling ready even the next morning. Ram had gotten up early as usual for his jog and went on to get the car, but me… jetlagged, dehydrated, tired and hungry, I wasn’t ready to move anywhere anytime soon. I asked to Ram to take the wheel and crashed in the passenger’s seat to cure my sickness. “Wake me up when we get there, ok?”, I asked, my eyes already closed. “Sure”, he replied, putting his sunglasses on. “It’s going to be a bit of a drive, you can just take it easy.”

Day 0
Ram
I tapped Nomade on the shoulder lightly. “Hey, man, we’re here.”
“Many people?” Ram asked, looking around. “Yeah…”. I replied, deciding to do a quick check up of the car, it seemed like it drove well until here, but it is a used sports car, so anything can happen.

Nomade
While checking the engine fluids I noticed an orange hatchback close to us, “Hey, looks like we aren’t the only clockwork orange here, this is an Erin, right?”
“Merna, yep. These things are light as hell, probably around 300kg lighter than us, luckily we found us a good engine to make things even”. Ram said.
“Well the good news is that the car’s made it here in one piece, pretty much identical to how it left our garage so it’s looking sunny.”
Ram was rummaging in his bag. “What’re you looking for?” I asked.
“You brought a wireless speaker or anything?” he continued searching.
Reaching into my bag I dug out the speaker. “Here.” I lobbed it to him.
Ram went silent for a few minutes tapping around on his phone. Reaching down to the cable he plugged it in and the first few notes rang out.

I looked at him in surprise. “How did you know I liked Bonamassa?” I asked with a smile spreading on my face.
“We’re not strangers, Nomade” he replied with a chuckle, putting the speaker down.

Later that day
Nomade
After finishing the check up we went to check the other teams that were there. We found a lot of different approaches, there were some classics, grandpa’s sedan, teenager hot-hatches and kidnappers vans. “Looks like we’re the only ones running mid-engined here, huh? Do you recognize any faces?” I asked.
“Oh yeah. For sure. Uh, there’s Luke again, the boys from Southend or Bust…” he chuckled, “well, I say boys but it’s likely I’m the youngest here again. Mountain Pass is over there, oh, look, the Wookie oddball and his friend. Quite a few new faces here, still.”

At the start line
Nomade
“Seeing as you haven’t driven it yet but did the most work in the wrenching bit, it would only be fair to let you take the wheel to start off the race.” Ram said handing over the keys. Turning the key, the engine came to life without a hiccup this time. Tap. Tap the throttle. Watch the revs rise. The delicious 6 cylinder warble echoing. As the flag dropped I didn’t hesitate to floor the pedal, the rear tyres scrabbling for grip for a few seconds. Easing off the throttle, I joined Ram in a hearty laugh.

Ram
Whizzing through the scenery as the midday sun blazed down between patchy clouds from the Californian azure, we pressed on, the wind running through our hair, blasting Hendrix, eager to not miss the ferry. “Settle down there, Nomade, we don’t want to be killing anyone just yet!” I joked. We were one of the last ones to leave the camp so of course we ended up near the back of the boat. “Come on, get out of the car, let’s go mingle!” I laughed.

FrankNSTein · 9 May 2017 16:57

team 1'); drop table participants; --

[Introduction](http://discourse.automationgame.com/t/the-kinda-grand-tour-friday-noon-2p/20895/62?u=franknstein)

Day 0

Frank is packing a camping grill, a bag of charcoal and a cooling box with different foods and two sixpacks of beer into the car

Da Wei: Damn, what are you doing there? We don’t have space for all that stuff!
Frank: Chill. We do. And I want some good barbecue when we made it through day one.
Da Wei: Forget about it. We’ll have enough opportunities to buy food on the way. No unnecessary crap in the car. Begins unloading Frank’s stuff.
Frank: FFS STOP IT! Grabs his grill out of Da Wei’s hands and puts it back into the trunk.
Da Wei: eyerolls Good. I’ll load all the necessary equipment into the car and if you find enough space then, we’ll take the grill with us.

Obviously, the car ended up pretty cramped even without the bbq equipment. Frank could barely fit the cooling box into the car, which now contained the beer and some snacks they could eat on the way. Some bottles of water were stored in the car as well. Frank also got his laptop with him, it has mobile internet and battery for a couple hours.
Da Wei, who volunteered to do the equipment planning (knowing Frank can be pretty chaotic) took care of the tents, sleeping bags and a seemingly endless amount of tools and spare parts.

Day 1 / Stage 1

The naturally aspirated inline-6 roared up as Frank accelerated out of the last corner of the road going along the seaside, leading to the ferry docks. The Scela took the road at a good pace, only slowing down for Da Wei to film out the passenger window at Deception Pass.

Da Wei: There’s our ferry. Seems like we’ve made it.
Frank: Yea. Not too slow as well. Can’t see any of the other teams so far.

They gave each other a high five as the car came to a stop at the docks. The Scela was in fact the first car to be loaded onto the ferry.
Two bottles of beer were opened, enjoying the view from the upper deck at the sea and the arriving cars.

rileybanks · 9 May 2017 19:53

The Team Of Teenage Hopes And Dreams

So, the story of this car starts in 1965. Two 16 year-old twins watch a rally come through their village, and decide that this is what they want to do with their lives. So they try and build a rally car. It’s tiny, made of a hodge-podge of parts they found, and was made by two 16 year-olds who, although smart and doing well with metalworking in school, no practical experience.

However, it works. The car runs, and they potter round in it for a bit. It eventually got shelved until they could actually enter a rally, and to do that they needed to finish school. So, 2 years later, they finished school. By this point they wanted to start a company building cars, and abandoned any plans of using the original car.

50 years and a successful sports car company later, the two twins, now 68, heard of the Kinda Grand Tour, and decided to do the rally. However, the $500 restriction was proving a problem, as they wanted something fun, and all the cars they could find were automatic econoboxes from the 90’s.

Eventually, Monty remembered the old Salvo, and the two of them got it out of the storage container it had been in for 17 of the last 50 years. They’d looked after it at first, sure, but they had kind of forgotten about it the last 15 years or so.

They got it out, and found 2 things:

The car itself was fine, barring a bit of rusting through in the floor boards in places.
The engine however, was fucked. Somewhere, it had gotten full of water, and rusted from the inside out.

After Leon complained that that meant that most of his handiwork was ruined, they ran into a bit of a dilemma. Building an identical copy would require taking the engine apart and painstakingly examined, and it had been a while since they had used most of the machinery involved. And a new engine out of one of their modern cars felt like cheating, not to mention the fact that they didn’t think they had one that fit.

Soon, they realised a trip to the scrapyard was in order. After a bit of searching, they found two options: the engine out of a high mileage C1, or a 750cc motorbike engine. The C1 would probably be more reliable, and have more torque, but modern ECU’s are a nightmare, and getting the engine to run properly, once they got it to fit in the car at all, would take a loooong time.

So the decision was made to have the bike engine. Once dynoed, they were pleasantly suprised by 100hp, and a smooth torque curve. More the enough to make the tiny car go like a rocket.

So the preparations began.

While the 2 gather supplies, I present to you, the Mole Salvo

The Team:

Leon: The drivetrain guy. Also pretty good at reading maps. Growing up in the middle of nowhere does that to you.

Monty: The “everything else” guy. Was a racing driver in his day, and isn’t shabby even with his age.

BobLoblaw · 10 May 2017 02:34

TEAM OUTRIDERS

Blake: That’s the last thing loaded in, let’s rock.

Marc: Shotgun!

Luigi: Dammit!

Marc: You snooze, you lose. Besides, shouldn’t all Italians sit in the back anyway?

Luigi: Wrong race idiot!

Blake: I should’ve brought a tape recorder.

(With a turn of the key, the Enforcer cranks and immediately roars to life. The engine taking on a more baritone exhaust note this time around.)

Blake: First tunnel we find, we’re putting the windows down and dropping the hammer.

Marc: Our luck this feather-footed bitch will be behind the wheel when that happens.

Luigi: I bet I could drive circles around you!

Marc: You couldn’t even drive circles around a NASCAR circuit!

Blake: Okay, navigator, we’re going to the Coupeville Ferry Terminal, direct us.

Marc: Roger.

Luigi: Let me see that map.

Marc: He said navigator, not bitch. Besides, there’s no big pictures in this map, you’ll just get confused.

Luigi: Bite me.

Marc: Okay, we’re taking I5 to SR20. We’ll be crossing Deception Pass Bridge.

Luigi: Oy ve!

Blake: Is it me or do some of the others seem a tad sluggish?

Marc: Probably hung over, God that takes me back.

Luigi: In my country when you turn 21 you have to serve in the military until age 35. Once you turn 36, you are executed.

Marc: You came from Italy moron! They never had any kind of rule like that!

Luigi: How would you know? You’ve never been there. You wouldn’t last long in Italy.

Marc: Neither would you, that’s why they dumped your ass on our soil! An act of war if you ask me.

Luigi: At least I don’t need a crowbar when I open my wallet! How’s your Roth IRA doing?

Marc: Well, racism aside it’s doing fine, racism intended, suck it!

(ring ring)

Luigi: Hello? Oh, hi Isabella… No, we just got on the road… Everything’s going well… The car handles like a dream… What? (shouts out a string of Italian profanities which I do not know any so I couldn’t provide examples) Possession? Of what? Oh for God’s sake! I thought I taught him better than that! You bet I’m gonna talk to him when we get back, that’s unacceptable! Okay… I’ll talk to you later… I love you too… Bye.

Marc: What was that all about?

Luigi: Antonio got arrested with a bag of heroin!

Marc: Son of a bitch! What was he thinking?

Luigi: Probably nothing at all, I swear he doesn’t bother to think at times.

Marc: I should show him some of our more seedy convicts when we get back. That should help convince him.

Luigi: What gives you the right to counsel my son?

Marc: You did when you made me his Godfather you ass!

Luigi: Oh, right.

Blake: Heroin, that’s horrible.

(The mood in the car was a bit somber while they drove to the bridge)

Marc: Okay you two, hold still.

Luigi: You know your ass is ugly when they’ve got you holding the camera for the group photo.

Marc: Suck my meatballs! (click) Okay, we’re good.

Blake: Let’s go, we gotta catch that ferry, I don’t want to wait 45 minutes for the next one.

(Arrival at the ferry)

Marc: Awesome, we made it.

Luigi: So far, so good.

Blake: Well, looks like the others are feeling a little better from their hangovers.

Luigi: You thinking what I’m thinking?

Marc: Oh hell yeah!

Blake,Marc,Luigi:

What do you do with a drunken sailor
What do you do with a drunken sailor
What do you do with a drunken sailor early in the morning