This is the most tense I have been yet. There is much suspense.
ELEMINATIONS - ROUND 1
These are the cars that just didn't grab the attention, or were in some way unsuited to the customers taste.
As another Friday evening draws near a close Andrew, and his neighbor slip into philosophical conversation on the back deck at Casa-de-doublewide over a shared love of the brew.
âStuart,â Andrew begins, âthis case is going to be a whole new life for me!â
âWe drink a case every weekend, how is this one going to change your life?â Stuart replies.
After a pensive pause Andrew replies, âNot the case of beer, my court case. A hundred-forty...THOUSAND little problem solvers, funneled right in my account. AND, you hear me Stuart? And, itâs my account. Not gonnaâ get pissed into a little yellow pill, or whatever the hell else Linda calls a job.â
âA new life,â Stuart begins thinking to himself, âyou are more right than you thought, why isnât it a new life, man. You lost everything in that divorce, but now youâre a free man. Grab that cash, and be a whole new free man.â
âIâm already on it Stuart,â Andrew replies beaming, âgot myself a shopping list. Gonnaâ pay off my tool man, gonna buy this lot, and most of all, Stuart, Iâm gonna start working half weeks, and sit in my cozy trailer while she basks in that ROTTING house!â
âThatâs a plan,â Stuart starts, âbut think about this. How much of that money is going to put you where you would be if you didn't knock up the old lady after prom? I mean, think about it man, you could buy a new house, and I donât mean new to you, I mean build one the way you like. Pay off a new car, start this millennium thing as if that whole marriage never happened.â
âYou know what Stuart,â Andrew replies excitedly, âI like you. You're not like the other people, here, in the trailer park. I just installed the internet on my computer, let's go see whatâs out there.â
After about 3 hours, Andrew had about half a dozen house layouts he was interested in building. The build price for all of them was near the 6 figure mark, so that means he has around $40,000 for a new car.â
âAlright, Stuart,â Andrew begins, reaching for his Oxycontin, âWe got the house, but what about this car? All I know is what we sell, and I donât want to drive something I fix every day. I want something cool, something classy, and classic. I want a car that makes a statement, a car you see coming, and miss when it goes. What do ya got?â He cracks a fresh Pabst Blue Ribbon in anticipation of the answer.
Stuart, feeling the aire of a midlife crisis, starts rattling off the short list of dream cars, âWell, there is the S88?â
âThe S⌠eighty⌠eight,â Andrew types into Netscape. âWhat, no Stuart, not a Porsche. Do I look like a Porsche guy to you?â
âItâs a Persche, not a Porsche,â Stuart corrects.
âA Persche?! What is that, some store-brand knockoff? That ain't the car Iâm after,â Andrew answers indignantly, âand how much does this thing cost to fix? I ainât buying a money pit.â
The inspiration is obvious, and despite the timeless 911 styling, itâs not really a retro cruiser. Also, it actually does have the highest service costs by almost $1000 over average.
@ldub0775 is binned.
âIf thatâs not your speed,â Stuart continued, âwhat about a Paucity? They make a roadster version.â
âA Paucity Roadster,â Andrew pondered, âItâs a good looking car, but I swear I passed six of them today over by the highschool. Whatever happened to classy and classic?â
Looks super contemporary for 2001.
@goblin95 is binned.
Stuart furrowed his brow, âAlright, a classic vibe. How about a BellaVia Lusso, or a Somervell Bayonet?â
âDammit Stuart,â Andrew replies having seen the cars, âThat one has a weird manta ray mouth, and some coke bottle glasses,â gesturing to the Bayonet, âand that one,â staring blankly at the BellaVia, âI canât even describe that one. These are the cars that drive 10 mph under the speed limit on the way to the social security office.â
Both of these cars lack any pizzazz overall. Theyâre the car for an old man accepting heâs old.
Both @fasmukji & @Texaslav are binned.
Stuart, starting to guess at this point, âSo you want something classic looking, but with a sporty flair? Iâm thinking maybe a Kliment Dune, or even a Boxwell One might be getting closer?â
Andrew pulls up the two new cars in his search. âThat Kliment, you could tell me that some kid took their Mustang, and stuck some aftermarket racing grill on it, and I wouldnât question it. I mean, câmon Stuart, the bumpers ain't been painted yet. And who uses red primer?â
Thereâs nothing you like about this one either?â Stuart asks, getting annoyed by his friend's drunken dismissals?
âWell, no, yeah,â Andrew stutters, âit has the same problem as the Boxwell. Itâs a convertible, and I have decided I do want that. The car looks good, but there is something strange going on at the ends. It looks like a classic car somebody dolled up too far. Like putinâ Miss America makeup on grandma or something.â
Both of these cars just look odd, not bad, just like 2 incongruent ideas got shoved together.
@Endfinity & @Kursk are binned.
âAlright,â said Stuart, with a new angle on the topic, âwe may be on to something. Have you seen a Branson-Bradford?â
âOnly if itâs a lawyer,â Andrew replied, typing in the new car. The first image was of the rear quartered view. âYesss, now thatâs more like it,â he began marveling at the curves, and stance of the roadster,
before clicking to the front view, âNow THIS is⌠what the hell happened? Itâs the bumper problem all over again. This car looks like my fat-ass aunt's dog, the one with the breathing problems.â
A really nice example of a roadster, let down by the abrupt halt in the curves up front.
@vero94773 & @yurimacs are binned.
âI think weâre on to something here,â Stuart began again, âpunch up the Warbler Slamtruck.â
âI donât need a truck,â Andrew protested looking it up anyway, âAâite. This is⌠This is a thing. It doesn't look bad, but I canât see it without, uh... Stuart, who are those guys with the fez hats, and the tiny cars, they do parades and⌠SHRINERS, that's it, shriners. This is a shriner car if I ever seen one.â
âWhatâs wrong with shriners,â Stuart asked somewhat taken aback?
âNothing,â Andrew replied quickly, âbut I ainât a shriner, and this is a car, not a costume. Donât want to send the wrong message here.â
An interesting submission, with some subtle rat-rod vibes. Not a good fit overall however.
@HelloHi is binned.
âSo definitely an old car,â Stuart continued, getting a feel for what his friend was searching for âHow about a Greenhill Tweed?â
âTweed, like the jacketâ Andrew asked, while finding the car, âStuart, that poor thang looks like somebody blowed up a toad.â
âSo weâre not married to the 50âs...â Stuart began.
âI aint married to nothing anymore,â Andrew cut him off.
Again, we have a very solid and stylish base, but the fixtures just let it down at the last moments.
@AndiD is binned.
âAnd I donât intend to get shackledâŚâ Andrew was cut off by the loud crash of a toppled trash can, âIs that damn big lizard in my backyard again?!â
âDang man, if that critter is out itâs too late for me.â Stuart interjected, âI got to move a trailer tomorrow.â
As Stuart left Andrew pondered his options for the scaly trash bandit. He decided that it was safer to rake up the mess in the morning than risk getting bit tonight. He grabbed a Xanax to drown out the noise of the impromptu buffet, and passed out on his pull out couch.
If you are in this list, you go into next round:
@Petakabras
@abg7
@TheYugo45GV
@thecarlover
@GassTiresandOil
@Arn38fr
@cake_ape
@Kyorg & @karhgath
@mart1n2005
@kobacrashi
@nightwave
@desperatedonut5
11 Likes
Holy Christ, thatâs a style purge if Iâve ever seen one! Looking back on making the Bayonet, the front styling was the most annoying part to work on, and I guess it didnât work out after all. I wouldâve loved it to at least get to a point where stats are considered, though.
Good luck to the (semi?)finalists!
4 Likes
Can I have her file?
Seems like my decision to enter a brutish pony car in a classy roadster fight has paid off - for now. Having just realized that it didnât fall at either of the first two hurdles makes me appreciate the forethought I put into making my fixed-head coupe, manual-transmission-equipped, 300-horsepower, OHV V8-powered, IRS-equipped retro pony car (complete with front airbags on both sides!) even more than before.
5 Likes
Darn it, I mightâve been in with something if I remembered that damn advanced safety.
2 Likes
oh well it was worth a shot, this was fun nonetheless
3 Likes
also i guess because i dont have a car in the race anymore i might as well send out the .car file in case anyone wants to do anything with it
CSR136_-ldub0775-Persche-_S88.car (37.5 KB)
Wait, I made it to Round 2? Are we sure? Can I get a recount?
1 Like
CSR inter-round trivia 2
When bragging about his imminent settlement payout, Andrew makes a derogatory comment about his ex-wifeâs career. His description is a reference to what song?
Hint: The song was released in 1966.
Roger Miller - Husbands & Wives?
Is the afformentioned derogatory comment somewhere in the thread, to get a further hint?
Not the right answer, but that is a nice reflective song. I like it.
The comment is in the thread, in the round 1 write up.
Oh, probably the Stonesâ Motherâs Little Helper then, based on the yellow pill comment.
1 Like
Bingo, thatâs it.
CSR inter-round trivia 3.
Both the neighbor at the beginning of the narrative, and the interrption at the end of the story are references to this band.
Hint: A lyric from each song is near their introduction.
The neighbor is named Stuart, after the song of the same title. The big lizard is also a self titled song.
Both are by The Dead Milkmen.
CSR inter-round trivia 4.
Linda is employed in what industry?
Hint: I am not looking for the company name, but the type of business.
Close enough, the technical term is pyramid scheme.
3 Likes
ROUND 2
Article Review
The following Friday as the day drew into the evening, Andrew was joined once again by his favorite neighbor, Stuart. Both having spent the week gathering a more refined list of appropriate cars, the two sit down to research available options before committing to a test drive.
âStuart, I feel like weâre gettinâ close,'' Andrew began, rummaging for a Percocet, âand a good thing too. We canât be at this too long, my daughters graduation starts at 7 tonight.â
âNothing but a short list now man,â Stuart replied, cracking the first Busch out of the case, âshould be able to breeze through this in an hour, or so. You wannaâ start your list or mine?â
âStart us up,â Andrew answered over the modem's dialing tones. Stuart rummaged for his scratch pad, recommending they save time on searching by checking all of the cars on the website for Clutch & Wheel magazine.
Northstar Transatlantic
...The real standout of the Transatlantic is the undeniable style ripped from the roaring 20âs, and apportioned with anything you expect in a top tier luxury car. The driver is enveloped in leather, and surrounded by kit and convenience. The construction, inside and out, also shows an incredible quality and attention to detail...
...Where the Transatlantic experience falters however is the driving experience. Great care was placed in the silky smooth 3.8L inline 6, boosted to a surprising output of 330hp. This provides a very brisk 0-60 time of 5.7s, but this is where the praise must end. The quest for horsepower has produced a remarkably narrow powerband reminiscent of an amazingly quiet diesel. Pressing this engine into the higher RPM band in search of spirited driving is met by a long and steep decline in power, begging the question why the rev limiter is so generous? Once speed has been found, the active suspension eats corners, but the driver should be aware of the brakes if desiring a lower speed. The brakes are noticeably grabby, and the car can get sketchy despite the bespoke tires...
âDang, man,â Stuart replied after the article, âthat looked like a winner, but some weird hoodoo grabbed holeâ of that one.â
âI guess that's how they made something that out there for such a low price.â Andrew replied dismissively.
This car is truly incredible. On the one hand, the exterior design is in a league of its own, I say neutrally. On the other hand the engine tuning, and performance is bizarre, bordering on baffling. How you managed the lowest environmental resistance (of the finalists) with a +4 body slider is impressive. Also, mat1476 and I agree that the design is between exuberant, and excessive.
@Kyorg & @karhgath does not get a test drive.
Mons Ghimli
...A sleek and competent coupe with an Asian import aesthetic, the Ghimli sports a well apportioned interior offering a near perfect blend of pampering, and provision to the driver, and passengers alike. The driving experience is also very predictable, if only lacking some enthusiasm. The engine produces a soft purr like rumble delivering almost 240 horsepower coupled to the front wheels. The electronic steering eats up the torque steer for a supple steering feel, while the adaptive dampers provide a subtle float along the road...
âThat thang sounds like a dream to drive,â Stuart replied as much to Andrew as the article, âHell, itâs worth a test drive just to see if they are talking it up.â
âSounds like a trip to the Mons dealer next week,â Andrew replied.
âNext week?â Stuart asked. âDonât tell me you took time off for car shopping?â
Andrew replied, âNo, I got a meeting with my lawyer about payment dispersal, and an appointment with my pain specialist for prescription refills. Figured I would make a week of it, get the new car, and get the ball rolling on the house.â
A remarkably consistent build, both in overall build tone and consistency with the era. Has a very premium feel.
@cake_ape gets a test drive.
RCM Raven
...a direct revival of the name last seen in the golden age of road trips, the Raven preserves not only the RWD of its namesake, but many enduring style cues that donât feel out of place in a modern coupe. The power convertible top, and above average provisions give the car a prestigious flair, and the comfort to complement...
...the driving experience is incredibly modern with the V8 producing a wide, and mostly flat torque curve coupled to a smooth shifting automatic. Add to that phenomenal brake balance, and a well applied electronics control packageâŚ
âSounds like we got another winner here.â Stuart remarked.
âDonât be too sure,â Andrew replied, âSays here it has a 4.8L in it, but that looks like a little car. Let me see if they have pictures under the hood.â Andrew rummaged through the pictures posted, and eventually found one showcasing the engine cover. âYep, thatâs what I thought. Look how tight that is in there. Got brackets, and guides for hoses, and wires everywhere. Thatâs a 4 hour alternator job right there.â
The handling is remarkable in this, despite the small, and somewhat irrelevant sport fade. Very competitive in the final rounds. This was unfortunately one of 2 finalists with an engine fill warning (yellow).
@thecarlover does not get a test drive.
Mauntley Casper
âŚthe Casper evokes all the pony car vibes a driver could be looking for, but packed with all the comfort and prestige that will fit under its power folding top. Unfortunately the looks is where the pony car has to end. While the AWD system provides an incredibly balanced handling experience, the grip it may have provided feels out of range when behind the wheel. The turbocharged 3.2L V6 makes the power of a mild V8, but the engine still struggles to power all the wheels in any spirited way. A liberal application of throttle is answered with a laborious bog, and a vintage 8.5s 0-60 time. Once speeds are achieved the grip is betrayed by bouncy suspension and the grabby brakes. At first this suggests ample stopping power, but this illusion is broken in only a few corners due to the remarkably small 3 piston brake disks...
âAll show, and no go.â Stuart remarked.
âI know where it can go.â Andrew replied, closing the article.
You actually made the Mercury Mustang, that in itself is glorious. That being said, 8â brakes, and staggered tires? This car earns 2 kinds of laughs, and I donât mean that in a bad way, I enjoyed scoring this one and finding its secrets.
@desperatedonut5 will not get a test drive.
MAD Corsair GTE
...MAD brings us the Corsair in the GTE spec combining an upscale interior with 4 bucket seats, and a selection of convenience into a notably comfortable ride. This is combined with a sporty 6.3L V8 providing 300 horsepower to a sports inspired close ratio transmission. The performance balances beautifully with the interior producing THE muscle car for the mature driver...
âNow thatâs what Iâm talking about,â Andrew said aloud, âclassy and classic with the grunt to back it up. Time to see what MAD brings to the table.â
Remarkably unremarkable. There is nothing actually wrong with this vehicle, it just scores well across the board.
@abg7 gets a test drive.
Cabrera Centella
...The Centella is built like a European roadster sporting a potent inline 6, and fully independent suspension. However a cursory glance would suggest you have found an original Stingray. The power folding hard top, and seemingly hand crafted interior stand as a reminder of automotive progress in this classic gem look alikeâŚ
...the driving performance is a bit of a mixed bag. The 0-60 time is respectable, but the top speed is let down by the aging 4 speed automatic. Cornering grip is higher than expected, but the suspension is almost too soft to take advantage of it. Fuel economy is more than respectable for a sports car, but this certainly due to the relatively low power output. This is hardly a loss due to the small size of the car not needing the grunt, and growl of a V8...
âClassy, and classic,â Stuart began, âLike you wanted.â
âYeahâŚâ Andrew began, âbut itâs a strange one aint it? Look at all that leather, and wood. Hand stitching, deep padding, and all the electric adjustments, but it is sitting next to a radio out of a Pontiac van.â
âI see what you mean, man,â Stuart replied, âHow do you have a limited slip, but cheap out on the transmission? Plus thatâs the same brand of tires I got on my pickup. How do you have brass instruments, and bargain mart wheels?â
A +7 standard cassette? Variable steering, but no traction control? This thing is dancing on the min/max line, and that produces some general weirdness. The competition is tight enough I need to drop it for this.
@Petakabras does not get a test drive.
BSC Z2000
...at first glance the Z2000 evokes memories of an Astin Martin, and this car is a reasonable alternative if you donât need to pay for the badge. The interior sports several options with a clear focus on driver entertainment, and the design overall looks classically exotic. Some features may feel lacking for those that have driven the originalâŚ
...behind the wheel BSC strikes a functional balance between its ersatz luxury interior, and GT inspired power plant. Stuffed into the heart of this roadster is a 5.0L V8 with a familiar, if not distant rumble, delivering respectable power to the rear wheels. The result is a 0-60 under 6 seconds, and a balanced, if not slightly light rebound with predictable oversteer...
âI donât know man,â Stuart began, âseems like a good enough if you donât know better kind of car.â
âI have to agree with you there,â Andrew replied, âone of them 10 feet away carsâ
An ambitious entry clearly hampered by the budget. Iâd like to see the $60k version of these where fewer compromises had to be made.
@mart1n2005 does not get a test drive.
Ibis Coyote GT8
...where the Coyote really stands out is by bringing the ute craze to the Americas. For those of you who donât remember, a ute is a sedan that sacrificed the rear doors, and morphed the trunk into a full pickup bed. Last seen here in the Ranchero, and El Camino, these cars come in an array of options down under. Ibis does not disappoint the car owner with an upscale interior, complete with options, and showing a great attention to detailâŚ
...where Coyote the trickster comes out is when the vehicle remembers it has to be a truck too. Empty, the brakes are aggressive when biting in reminding us of the generous tonne payload. This is more pronounced in the rear axle, prompting an ABS event under moderate braking. Likewise the dampers are more reluctant to move, and produce some unpleasantness when driven as a car. Finally, the steering rate is fixed, giving the entire driving experience an âon the railsâ feeling of abruptness...
âSounds too much like a pickup to me,â Andrew remarked, âDonât need all that.â
The 5/4 ton payload, and required suspension tuning to that end really knee capped this entry. Big points for uniqueness, but some of the design choices felt more confused than hybridized.
@nightwave does not get a test drive.
Lombaxo Coupe
...a bold and authoritative exterior meets a surprising interior with a racing inspired constructionâŚ
...but where Lombaxo really shines is out on the road. The engine sounds tuned up from the factory producing a noticeable clatter, and the exhaust makes no secret of the turbocharger. All that power is sent to the wide rear wheels laying down an impressive acceleration time for the bulky sedan. Meanwhile the electronic suspension keeps the car well in control during the twisty bits of the drive...
âStuart,â Andrew asked, âwhere did you hear about this thing?â
âCops,â Stuart answered, âseems like every episode in Los Santos has one of these either stolen, or gettinâ chased for somethinâ else.â
âThis is clearly a performance model,â Andrew answered, âstaggered tires, basic interior, big motor and brakes. This aint it, man.â
Too much focus on show and go, with comparatively little aptitude for enjoying a relaxing drive.
@TheYugo45GV is binned
Reduit SR1
...perhaps the most stylish car on the road today, the SR1 is unmistakable from any angle, and captures the most elite feel from the days of handcrafted motor carsâŚ
...where the SR1 goes too far in its remembrance of early cars is when you take it for a drive. Despite the best efforts of the electronic controls a vigorous standing start will result in severe intervention from the traction controls. This may be helped by some stickier tires, but that would only aggravate the already harsh braking. Add to this a strong oversteer, and soggy suspension and this car feels near the edge even at highway speeds...
âSounds like a car that wants a fight,â Stuart remarked.
âI spend too much time wrestling under the hood,â Andrew replied, âI donât need to pick a fight with the steering wheel too.â
This is my (mcp928) favorite design, but it is objectively a death trap.
@kobacrashi does not get a test drive.
Watson Ariesa
...Ariesa brings all of the muscle car vibe you could ask for, but doesn't cut any corners with the premium equipment. Four deep leather buckets cushion all occupants while the radio provides an impressive array of playback in near studio qualityâŚ
...Ariesa is no slouch when itâs time to play either. While an aggressive standing start results in a mild squeal, the traction control quickly tames the power for a 6.5s 0-60 time. The suspension always maintains a cushioned feel, but not to the detriment of handling. The only mark against the car is the brakes feel grabby, especially compared to the rest of the driving experience...
âThat one checks every box.â Stuart declared.
âIncluding one it shouldnât have,â Andrew replied reading the technical section, âThe biggest complaint is how fast it goes through tires. First gear has almost no grip, and whatâs more you canât help them last with rotation. Those are some high dollar tires too, and look like directional tread. You would have to get them remounted to rotate sides.â
This design gets top marks from mat1476, and scores extremely well stats wise. Unfortunately the judging needs to be critical in the 11th hour, and the staggered +4 tires sink it. Itâs also just over budget.
@Arn38fr does not get a test drive.
Durendal R2-C
âŚDurendal has brought us the quintessential roaster with the R2, and the addition of the soft top R2-C is a welcome evolution. The interior is second to none in the segment, even if the radio is more typicalâŚ
...the drive lives up to look, and even surpasses what you might expect from a luxury roadster. The smooth, quiet inline 6 delivers enough power through a very modern transmission to propel the little roadster from a standing start to 60 in just over 6 seconds. The brakes feel very capable, with no signs of fade or bias. Likewise the suspension, while light, is confident and predictable without any of the electronic wizardry common in this segment to change the deal mid cornerâŚ
âDo we got a winner?â Stuart asked.
âI believe so,â Andrew replied.
Almost everything about this car meshes together perfectly while still managing to stand out.
@GassTiresandOil gets a test drive
âWhatâs that leave us,â Stuart asked.
âUhhh,â Andrew scrolled down the list, âlooks like three. Less than I thought, but itâll save me time talking to car salesmen. I gotta get on the road man, appreciate your help, Stuart.â
âYou let me know what you pick,â Stuart answered, âThis gonâ be one hell of a car.â As Stuart left for the evening Andrew finished his second beer, and changed into his best jacket, a teal pinstripe blazer with complementing boot cut trousers complete with penny loafers and a bolo. He was sure to make the scene at his youngestsâ highschool, and more importantly show up Lindas new boyfriend.
Top Finalists (test drive)
@cake_ape
@GassTiresandOil
@abg7
Next post (test drive) will reveal the positions.
10 Likes
Oof. Looks like the Coupe is out of the running. Just as I had expected. Did not really intend for it to win as it is a muscle car that is focused on performance and less on other things. Also, @mcp928 @mat1476 it would be cool if you had Andrew see the cars that did he did not choose to test drive at the dealerships he went to test drive the winners.