Shitbox Rally
Stage 6: Raiegarda to Samiraie
Stage Start: 1 Sun, 24/7/3251, Raiegarda Campsite
Weather at Stage Start: Warm, with relatively low humidity. The sky is cloudy, and there is a gentle breeze blowing through. Compared to previous stages, this will be nice for most people.
Weather at mid-stage: Only mildly warmer than before. Humidity still surprisingly low, the sky remains overcast, and the breeze feels good.
Weather at Stage End (First Car): Like before, warm, low humidity, overcast with a gentle breeze.
Weather at Stage End (Last Car): Slowly warming up, slight bit of humidity, the sun has made an appearance, and the ocean breeze has picked up, cooling everyone down.
Stage End (First Car): A little after 2-and-27 Sun, 24/7/3251, Samiraie Campsite / Queen’s Rest Inn and Tavern
Stage End (Last Car): A little after 5-and-31 Sun, 24/7/3251, Samiraie Campsite / Queen’s Rest Inn and Tavern
While everyone was understandably reluctant to leave the lake behind, the call of arriving at a major city and the thrill of another rally stage called to everyone. With the weather being quite pleasant today, it was a perfect day for a drive. The road between Raiegarda and Samiraie is well-maintained, smooth, and has a general downward grade as we near the ocean. The trees begin to thin out as the ocean starts to pull into view. The river no longer is there on the left-side of the road, replaced instead with the occasional few trees, small buildings, and farms. On the right side of the road, a gradual hill leading down to sandy shores being splashed with waves comes into view. The gentle slope combined with the relative lack of twisty corners means everyone is capable of getting up a good bit of speed. Arriving at our destination, however, is different this time, as we have to pass through the City of Samiraie. The guards open the gates for us, and while everyone has to drive through the city at a much slower pace, it’s quite a different place, with white-painted buildings to keep the heat down, brick-paved streets, clay-tile roof tops, and the occasional hanging lanterns. We’re instructed to park our carriages outside the city, at the far gate. As for the camp… While there is a rather-large area to make a camp in, there is also an open invitation to get a bit of rest at the Queen’s Rest Inn and Tavern, back inside the city.
Notes: Randomization is active. Breakdowns are active. Time is in Earth Time.
New: Times added to Finishing order!
Team Shift Happens
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 05:26:28
Average MPH: 65.2
Randomizer: 8
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 1 (Powertrain)
Total Distance Traveled: 1953.6
Things were going great until the engine suddenly lost a huge chunk of power. At the side of the road, Kaylie discovered the problem: Their throttle cable had come loose on the front carburetor and was only solidly attached to the rear one. A hasty fix got them moving again, but they were going to have to spend time in camp resynchronizing their carburetors.
Team Wayfarers
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 04:18:26
Average MPH: 82.4
Randomizer: 10
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 0
Total Distance Traveled: 1953.6
Taking things at a steady pace is never a bad idea. With a few hills and mostly flat roads, Chernobog gets up to speed and stays there.
Team Gearknobs
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 04:50:32
Average MPH: 73.3
Randomizer: 9
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: 1 (Powertrain)
Total Distance Traveled: 1953.6
The Hakaru Carica was blazing fast early on, and developed a misfire near the end of the stage. Inspection at the camp revealed the culprit: a loose spark plug wire.
Team Fallen Angels of the Past
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 04:51:32
Average MPH: 73.1
Randomizer: 10
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: 0
Total Distance Traveled: 1953.6
The Fallen Angels and their trusty Claussient were fast on this stage until they got stuck behind the widest Hakaru Carica in existence. Unable to get past the misfiring AWD hatch, they settled for being a literal minute behind.
Team Slow
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 03:31:29
Average MPH: 100.7
Randomizer: 13
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 0
Total Distance Traveled: 1953.6
After fixing the XL53 twice, the team managed to get everything right this time, because it’s clear they outright sent it on this stage.
Team Oil Crisis
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 06:02:02
Average MPH: 58.8
Randomizer: 7
Refueling Stops: 2
Breakdown: 1 (Powertrain)
Total Distance Traveled: 1953.6
The Infamous Narrowblock finally strikes! In a furious cloud of steam and smoke, the Magistrate is parked at the side of the road for a field-strip of the heads and the installation of new head gaskets.
Team Hillbilly Rollers
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 04:30:19
Average MPH: 78.8
Randomizer: 9
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 1 (Powertrain)
Total Distance Traveled: 1953.6
Janne is the first to notice something just doesn’t feel right about the van. Andreas blames Marie for it being another curse brought on by the Dyre bone amulet, despite that being long gone. Another piece of Dyre bone is extracted from the front bumper in the camp.
Team Witchlight
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 03:55:31
Average MPH: 90.4
Randomizer: 12
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 0
Total Distance Traveled: 1953.6
This is what the EAAC Aphrodite was made for! Smooth sailing in the large barge!
Team Mravolinski-Chitco
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 03:28:00
Average MPH: 102.4
Randomizer: 13
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: 0
Total Distance Traveled: 1953.6
The Kontir Cunningham will never quite be the same again after Mrdja absolutely sent it on this stage. With copious amounts of duct tape keeping their cargo in place, a nice day, and a good flat road ahead of them, the Cunningham reaches terrifying speeds.
Team Blazers
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 04:45:47
Average MPH: 74.5
Randomizer: 8
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 3 (Tires)
Total Distance Traveled: 1953.6
Good news and bad news. The good news is, that tire is fine and that rim is also fine. The bad news, however? Someone let the tire get low, and on one of the fast corners, they pulled the tire bead out of the rim. With a considerably large amount of cursing, the bead is seated again and the tire is aired back up again.
Team Machinas Con Passiones
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 04:20:45
Average MPH: 81.7
Randomizer: 11
Refueling Stops: 4
Breakdown: 0
Total Distance Traveled: 1953.6
Despite making more pit stops than a NASCAR crew, the MCP AWSB manages to finish another stage. More importantly to Giacomo, they’re not last.
Team Quick Rally 47
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 04:56:24
Average MPH: 71.9
Randomizer: 7
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 1 (Powertrain)
Total Distance Traveled: 1953.6
When the engine suddenly just shut off, it left everyone stumped for a while. It took a while to find the problem, but it turns out, one of the many things that makes these old Mara vehicles so damn reliable is they won’t let you run them without oil. The problem? The oil pressure sensor came unplugged, so the ECU prevented the engine from operating. With the sensor plugged back in, the engine started running again.
Team Mrezhari
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 04:45:10
Average MPH: 74.7
Randomizer: 9
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: 2
Total Distance Traveled: 1953.6
A bump caused all sorts of chaos as Team Mrezhari’s supplies were chucked all over the interior of the Dunav. After removing an energy drink can from under the gas pedal, the team pushes on, despite the mess.
Team Jockey
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 05:09:30
Average MPH: 68.8
Randomizer: 9
Refueling Stops: 2
Breakdown: 2 (Chassis)
Total Distance Traveled: 1953.6
A bump caused some chaos here as well, as the Yinzer’s suspension suddenly slammed into the bump stops, bruised everyone’s tailbones, then sent the car into a nasty spin into the ditch. After getting back on the road, everyone is a little shaken up, but otherwise doing fine.
Team RK Series Racing
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 03:39:55
Average MPH: 96.9
Randomizer: 13
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 0
Total Distance Traveled: 1953.6
A bit of clever thought leads the team to taking a train between Raiegarda and Samiraie. After a relatively-pleasant and peaceful journey, they unload their car at the Samiraie station, drove into the camp, and almost immediately made their trip into the Samiraie steamworks.
Team Black Rabbit
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 07:59:04
Average MPH: 44.4
Randomizer: 7
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 4 (Team Caused)
Total Distance Traveled: 1953.6
Between being bruised from the Dauer’s rough suspension and having to go back for the shotgun Tanuki left behind, Team Black Rabbit Corporation had a rough time on this stage.
Team Spy Kids
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 04:42:35
Average MPH: 75.4
Randomizer: 8
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 1 (Powertrain)
Total Distance Traveled: 1953.6
The aftermarket EFI system decided to act up, causing Team Spy Kids to spend a good bit of time trying to get the AST Elbrus back up to speed. It turns out that when you lose the belt to your alternator and the battery gets weak, the EFI loses its mind and returns to default settings. After replacing the belt and driving a while longer, things are almost normal, though it’s clear that the old Soviet truck is going to need to relearn those fuel trims.
Stage Finishing Order:
03:28:00 - Team Mravolinski-Chitco
03:31:29 - Team Slow
03:39:55 - Team RK Series Racing
03:55:31 - Team Witchlight
04:18:26 - Team Wayfarers
04:20:45 - Team Machinas Con Passiones
04:30:19 - Team Hillbilly Rollers
04:42:35 - Team Spy Kids
04:45:10 - Team Mrezhari
04:45:47 - Team Blazers
04:50:32 - Team Gearknobs
04:51:32 - Team Fallen Angels of the Past
04:56:24 - Team Quick Rally 47
05:09:30 - Team Jockey
05:26:28 - Team Shift Happens
06:02:02 - Team Oil Crisis
07:59:04 - Team Black Rabbit Corporation
Team Shift Happens
Previous Chapters:
“Here Comes the Hound of Death” - Stage 2 Campsite Battle - Written by Elizipeazie, TheYugo45GV, and Madrias.
Fright Night Forest Stage - Stage 3 Run / Stage 3 Camp
The Free Day - Stage 3 Camp (written in collaboration with Elizipeazie) (Part 1), (Part 2), (Part 3)
Safe Arrival - Stage 3 Camp (Written in collaboration with TheYugo45GV)
The Rescue - Stage 4 Drive and Stage 4 “Camp”
The Rebuild - Stage 4 “Camp” (Written in collab. with Elizipeazie ) (Part 1), (Part 2), (Part 3), (Part 4)
“It’s 6-Fucking-Moon!” - Stage 4 Camp
Breakfast with RK Series Racing - Stage 4 Camp Final (Written in collaboration with Elizipeazie)
Cinnamon and Apologies - Stage 5 Drive and Stage 5 Camp
An Apology / Campsite Stories / I Have Gas! - Stage 5 Camp (Collab with Knugcab - Original Title: “Gimme Oxygen!”)
The Prank - Collab. with SurrealCereal (Team MCP)
A Tent-ative Meeting - Stage 5 Camp
Raiegarda Campsite, 1 Sun
Once breakfast had been finished and the camp had been packed away into the truck bed, the difficult task of deciding a driver for this stage began. Rukari was immediately sidelined after having destroyed the brakes and sideswiped the IP Freeway Star, not to mention nearly taking out the Kontir Cunningham, blowing all of the coolant out of the radiator, or his suggestion to tow the Anhultz Dione by tying the rope around the axle. Malavera had driven the last stage and didn’t want to do so again. Jayde refused to get behind the wheel unless it was absolutely necessary. Kivenaal, while he seemed less impaired than he had the day before, was still clearly under the influence of a cinnamon high, and even though it seemed to have improved his reflexes somehow, Kaylie didn’t feel comfortable putting almost 5 tons of truck in the hands of someone who wasn’t sober. Kayden grimaced at the thought of another stage behind the wheel of the stick-shift Bricksley. Which left Kaylie standing there as the last one to object.
“Fine. How hard can it be? They teach teenagers to drive stuff like this,” Kaylie said, climbing up into the driver’s seat for the first time. Kayden climbed up into the Radio Operator’s seat, turning all of the radios on, making sure the settings were how they needed to be set, and grabbed the CB handle.
“Radio check from Shift Happens. Are we loud and clear?” Kayden said, broadcasting across all four radios.
Malavera sat in the mid-bench up front, with Kivenaal to his right in the window seat. Rukari got put into the mid-bench in the back seat, while Jayde finally got to sit in the rear bench driver’s window seat.
Kaylie put her left foot down hard on the clutch, stepped on the brakes, pulled the release handle for the parking brake, then cranked the V8 over. 427 cubic inches bellowed their fury as Kaylie put the truck in first gear, high-range, and 4x4 mode, gave the engine a whiff of the gas pedal, and let the clutch out. The huge Highwayman took to the cobblestone road with a monstrous bellow, popping and banging each time Kaylie changed gears.
On the Road
Malavera had to admit, for having very little experience with a manual gearbox, Kaylie was doing remarkably well. They were outright flying down the cobblestone road, Kaylie’s left arm gripping the wheel firmly and keeping their truck between the ditches, her right hand occasionally leaving the wheel to find the right gear for the terrain as needed.
Kaylie didn’t want to admit to the others that driving like this was taking all of her concentration, constantly watching the road, checking her mirrors to make sure she wasn’t going to cut off or block another team, trying to avoid over-revving the Bricksley’s big V8, remembering to use the gearbox and not the brakes for small speed changes, trying to avoid driving through anything, and remaining aware of how fast she was approaching the small, gentle curves. Malavera may have been a good co-driver, reading off the pace-notes he’d written, but she could barely hear him through her mask of concentration. A pair of glowing red lights on the dashboard got her attention, letting her know that both of the truck’s 15 gallon fuel tanks were getting dangerously low. She walked it down the gears slowly, hazard lights flashing as she brought the truck to a gentle stop at the side of the road, turning the engine off once they were there.
Kayden got out of the radio seat and grabbed several fuel cans from the back of the bed. Each of the fuel tanks was going to slam down three of the five gallon cans each, and they’d have to top up again at the camp, meaning every other stage was a nightmarish wander into the nearby town to get more fuel. It wasn’t that it was hard to get or hard to pay for, as most of the stores were giving them what they needed, especially now that they were known for fighting the Dyre, but it was the number of trips with fuel cans in hand that proved problematic. As he poured each can down one of the two filler necks, he stood there contemplating whether or not they should have tried harder to retune the engine. Or whether they should have gotten a newer Bricksley pickup truck with, perhaps, an engine that had EFI so it wasn’t just chugging down all of the fuel. With six cans poured in, stowed back in the truck bed, and the twin filler necks capped up and the doors closed, Kayden got back into the radio seat.
Kaylie started the engine back up and got the truck back on the move. Things were going quite well, right up until a quiet ‘plunk’ sounded from under the hood, moments before everyone got jolted forward in their seats. “Fuck!” Kaylie yelled. She checked the gauges, the whole time maintaining what speed she could as her hand found the hazard flasher switch. “Oil pressure is normal. Coolant temperature is slightly high,” Kaylie said, her foot going straight down to the floorboard as she tried to evaluate the truck. “Engine runs marginally better with the secondaries open,” she added as the truck continued to slow down despite being commanded to full throttle. As she accidentally drove off of the road while trying to check her instrumentation, however, Kayden quickly got involved.
“Aviate, navigate, communicate!” Kayden yelled from the back seat. “Malavera, help her check the gauges so she can keep the truck on the road!”
Malavera looked over the same gauges. “Fuel is fine, engine coolant is at 215 degrees, engine oil pressure is 50 PSI, oil temperature is 270 degrees, transfer case is in high range, battery voltage is at 14 volts and charging,” Malavera said, helping Kaylie as much as he could.
“Shit, I’ve got to pull over,” Kaylie said. “This could be bad. If we’ve blown a fuel line and we’re filling the top half of the V with fuel, we’re a rolling fireball waiting for a spark.”
Kayden clicked on the radio and called out, “Shift Happens declaring a non-critical engine failure. I repeat, Shift Happens declaring a non-critical engine failure.”
The Highwayman crunched to a stop on the side of the road and Kaylie quickly switched the ignition off, yanked the hood release, stomped on the parking brake pedal, checked the mirror, then checked their blind spot with her head out of the window before opening the door, and made her way over to the front of the truck. She squeezed the safety latch and shoved the hood skyward, hooked the prop-rod into place, then reached for her tool kit on her hip for a flashlight. She turned it on and aimed the beam of pale blue-white light at the engine. “It’s not a fuel line,” she said. “Fucking carb cable came loose on the front one. That’s why we lost all of our power, we lost 50% of our fuel.” She went back to the toolbox and grabbed a wrench kit, then started trying to work on the truck.
Kaylie quickly developed a hatred for standing with one foot on the tire and the other on the front bumper, leaning way-the-fuck over the engine bay as she wrenched on the engine. This was further worsened as Team Hillbilly Rollers zipped past, the wind off of the front of their van shaking the Bricksley ever-so-slightly and making Kaylie nervous. Any confidence she had in trying to do this properly at the side of the road vanished when the ‘hunting pack’ of Teams Spy Kids, Mrezhari, Blazers, Gearknobs, Fallen Angels of the Past, and Quick Rally 47 blitzed past at what seemed to Kaylie to be a million miles per hour. Just as she committed to the bare-minimum fix to get them running, stepped down off of the tire and bumper, and closed the hood, she had to dodge out of the way of Team Jockey, who had been looking at the stranded truck and ended up drifting closer toward it. Kaylie, pissed off at nearly getting run over doing roadside repairs, hurled her 1/4 inch wrench at the rapidly disappearing car, missing it by about a quarter mile as the yellow buzz-box escaped. She stalked over to where her wrench had landed, sticking out of the dirt, picked it up, cleaned it off, and stormed back over to the truck where she stowed it in the wrench kit, stowed the wrench kit in the tool box, and slammed the box lid. As she got back into the truck, she reached back, grabbed the CB, and practically screamed into it.
“Hey, assholes in the shoebox! Nice one, making me jump onto the fucking hood while I’m fixing the fucking truck! Next time anyone does that to me, I’m giving them a gods-damned wrench suppository!” Kaylie said, finishing the conversation with a snarled growl as she tossed the handle back to Kayden, cranked over the V8, and floored it.
Passing through Samiraie, 3-and-40 Sun
The slow drive up to the gate of Samiraie, followed by driving through the city center on their Main Street, was agonizing for Kaylie, who still hadn’t calmed down from nearly getting run over. The steering wheel creaked ominously under her left-handed grip, aged plastic threatening to break under the strain as Kaylie tried her best not to break the truck.
Samiraie Campsite / Parking Area, 3-and-45 Sun
The truck was finally shut off, though it was clear Kaylie had a different mission in mind as she hopped out of the truck before anyone else had even managed to unbuckle their seatbelts. She extended the claws on her left hand with a quiet click, storming over to the Yinzer MightyTiny, and left a dirty great set of ‘racing stripes’ down the side of the car. Before she could do much more, however, Jayde had gotten out of the truck and made a beeline for Kaylie, picking her up before she could carve anything vulgar into the paint.
“That’s enough, Kaylie!” Jayde said, surprised at just how angry she was. “You yelled at Marie for trying to do the same thing, so why are you doing it?”
“Because they nearly fucking ran me over!” Kaylie yelled. “Let me go so I can make their shitbox a convertible!” Kaylie added, squirming and snarling as she tried to get away from Jayde long enough to exact her revenge on the little Yinzer.
Jayde gave a pained yowl as Kaylie raked the back of his right arm with the claws on her left hand, making him drop her. He grabbed a bottle out of his bag and drank it, feeling the healing potion starting almost immediately, and with a glare at Kaylie, raised his hand and lifted her a few inches off of the ground. “Right. I’m not setting you down until you calm down,” Jayde said, watching as she tried to run toward the car, and after realizing she couldn’t, trying desperately to turn around so she could confront Jayde.
“Really? You’re using magic against me now?” Kaylie asked as Jayde stepped in front of her.
Jayde’s response was to show her the still-healing scratches on his right arm. “You used your claws against me first. Let go of your anger and be at peace, Kaylie. They messed up, yes, but you do not need to react this way. Janne, Andreas, and Marie didn’t act this way and Rukari did hit their van,” Jayde said, handing Kaylie a cloth. “Clean your claws and sheath them, and I’ll set you back down, but only if you promise to let this go.”
Kaylie sighed, grabbing the cloth and cleaning the blood off of her hand before sheathing her claws. “Sorry, Jayde. I didn’t think I’d gotten you with them,” Kaylie said.
“It’s okay. Now, I need you to stay calm and not destroy their car while we’re in camp,” Jayde replied.
After the chaos of Kaylie’s revenge, the team settled into the camp for a while. Kaylie sat on a log with her eyes closed, trying to take Jayde’s advice and try meditation for once. To be fair, she could tell it was doing something, but it left her wondering what Jayde really got out of it, and why he felt it was worth doing so often.
Kayden and Malavera had headed over to the lake to get a bit of swimming in, as Malavera had made it painfully clear that he wasn’t going anywhere near the ocean.
Jayde climbed up into the truck bed, feeling this was the right time to go looking for parts he could use to construct a lightsaber. He reached out and let some old instinct guide him, unaware that he was using the Force. At first, it seemed like he was just getting bits of random junk, everything from bits of random scrap metal left over from building up the truck to bits of electronics, the spare barrel for an old plasma pistol that Kayden had tagged as being “Spare Parts: Inaccurate,” a chunk of twisted up titanium armor from one of Kayden’s armor repair bags, and even a small brass arrowhead that had found its way into the truck bed. Then, however, he found a power cell for Kayden’s hot-sword, and even some spare control circuitry, again labeled as spare parts, this time because the thermal control was locked wide open. He set his bundle of random spare junk into a small cloth bag, then climbed down from the truck bed to find a quiet place to meditate and make something work, potentially. He found an old tree stump that was rather solid, settling down onto it and for the first time in many years, save for the day he’d shown K’mino, he took off the chain with his green crystal on it and placed it in the bag as well, settling deep into meditation and letting the Force and his instincts guide him in assembling a weapon for a more civilized age.
Kivenaal was following an idea that had randomly come to mind, and went about the camp gathering up seemingly the most weird and random bits of everything he could find, including wet sand, a bit of grass, a still-burning piece of charcoal straight out of someone’s cooking fire, some wood shavings scraped off the edge of an old bench, and the top of a dandelion. Like Jayde, he found a place to sit and meditate, the leftover cinnamon high giving him the needed courage to embrace his mixed heritage and tap into his stronger form of magic. He combined all of the pieces of junk he’d gathered up into the palm of his lower right hand, then covered it with his lower left, squeezing everything into the pocket of space between his palms. Some voice from far away told him he needed heat, and so between his palms, he created a blue-hot flame, engulfing his handful of seemingly-random items in mystic fire. His breathing slowed and evened out as he slid deeper into his meditation, willing this to work. A dim red glow escaped from between his hands as a quiet crackling and tinkling sound could be heard. Unknown to him, three sources of magic were combining to make his idea into reality.
