2022 Shitbox Rally - Out of This World! (Results Out!)

Community Challenges & Competitions
213

Shitbox Rally

Stage 0 – Nevada through Nelehnraad to Jaduvira, Crugandr.

Stage Start: 6 PM Local Time, Nevada

Weather at Stage Start: Hot and Dry, Gentle breeze.

Weather at Stage Middle: Cool, Dark, Moist, No Wind

Weather at Stage End: Hot and Humid, Gentle breeze

Stage End: 8 Sun Local Time, Crugandr

Once the door was shut behind the last car, the dark blue atmosphere of Nelehnraad became easier to see through. At the very far edges of your lights, you can just barely make out a forest of trees with black leaves. Under the tires, ashy black cobblestones provide surprising grip, and the road is nearly as wide as an American Interstate highway (or at least, one side of it, a big two-lane road with extra shoulder width on both sides). Early in the stage, you hear thunder but without lightning, potentially the sound of sonic booms. As you get to the middle, this assault of sound vanishes, leaving it feeling like an eerie, enchanted forest, with nothing but the sound of everyone’s cars to break up the deafening silence. As you get closer to the end, the sound of paws, like large cats running through the forest, can be heard, and occasionally, eyes can be seen glowing in the flood of powerful lights.

Notes: All vehicles were traveling in a convoy. This stage is not counted in the total mileage of the run, nor is it counted in the total drive time of the run. The Randomization formula is not yet being used. Breakdowns are not yet active. Breakdown rolls, however, were used for a Rift special encounter. Random numbers were generated by: https://www.random.org/ and will continue to come from there in the future.

@Madrias

Team Shift Happens

Distance Traveled: 177.6 Miles
Time (Hours:Minutes:Seconds): 2:57:36
Average MPH: 60
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: Not Active
Breakdown Roll: 1

Other than the noise of the all-terrain tires on the stone road, and occasional outbursts on the radios, it’s all peaceful in the Bricksley. A muffled thump echoes through the car as a six legged cat roughly the size of a cougar jumps into the bed and meows at the team.

@Caligari

Team Wayfarers

Distance Traveled: 177.6 Miles
Time (Hours:Minutes:Seconds): 2:57:36
Average MPH: 60
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: Not Active
Breakdown Roll: 3

Despite the rust, the old IFAZ Bogatir is surprisingly solid in this drive through the Rift, and other than the usual squeaks, rattles, and the hum of the tires, it’s a long peaceful drive.

@Executive

Team Gearknobs

Distance Traveled: 177.6 Miles
Time (Hours:Minutes:Seconds): 2:57:36
Average MPH: 60
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: Not Active
Breakdown Roll: 3

Unsurprisingly, the Hakaru Carica is quite at home here on flat ground. The all-terrain tires are a little loud, but thankfully, that’s the only loud thing in the car.

@BannedByAndroid

Team Fallen Angels of the Past

Distance Traveled: 177.6 Miles
Time (Hours:Minutes:Seconds): 2:57:36
Average MPH: 60
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: Not Active
Breakdown Roll: 1

The Claussient 25 shows no signs of trouble, and the hard long-life road tires are quiet as a whisper on the cobblestone road. The sound of something landing on the roof of the car is heard, and there’s a loud meow from a six-legged cat that has taken a liking to someone on your team.

@interior

Team Slow

Distance Traveled: 177.6 Miles
Time (Hours:Minutes:Seconds): 2:57:36
Average MPH: 60
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: Not Active
Breakdown Roll: 2

Despite the noisy all-terrain tires and the growling V8 up front, all seems peaceful in the Schnell XL53.

@TheYugo45GV

Team Oil Crisis

Distance Traveled: 177.6 Miles
Time (Hours:Minutes:Seconds): 2:57:36
Average MPH: 60
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: Not Active
Breakdown Roll: 1

Other than needing a mild pit stop to change tanks and some noise from the tires, it’s quiet in the Union Magistrate. At that pit stop, a large six-legged cat jumps into the car and won’t leave, curling up in someone’s lap.

(Author’s note: You said a 30 gallon tank and a 10 gallon reserve. Your wheelbase gives you a 20 gallon tank, so I’m giving you a 20 gallon reserve. Given that fuel isn’t an issue, having a spare gas tank isn’t giving you an advantage.)

@Knugcab

Team Hillbilly Rollers

Distance Traveled: 177.6 Miles
Time (Hours:Minutes:Seconds): 2:57:36
Average MPH: 60
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: Not Active
Breakdown Roll: 1

The IP Freeway Star is noisy, but solid. Between the loud buzzy four cylinder engine, the all-terrain tires, and the Dixie horn, however, they’re all expected noises. A six-legged cat has leaped up onto the roof and has stayed there for the remainder of the journey.

@Fayeding_Spray

Team Witchlight

Distance Traveled: 177.6 Miles
Time (Hours:Minutes:Seconds): 2:57:36
Average MPH: 60
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: Not Active
Breakdown Roll: 3

It’s smooth sailing in the EAAC Aphrodite land yacht. The tires are quiet and the engine isn’t too loud, giving everyone more than enough time to contemplate what they’ve gotten into.

@MrdjaNikolen

Team Mravolinski-Chitco

Distance Traveled: 177.6 Miles
Time (Hours:Minutes:Seconds): 2:57:36
Average MPH: 60
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: Not Active
Breakdown Roll: 4

Like many other vehicles, the Kontir Cunningham isn’t making any noises that aren’t expected. The truck still smells faintly of piss, however, and the contents of the camper occasionally make rattling noises.

@variationofvariables

Team Blazers

Distance Traveled: 177.6 Miles
Time (Hours:Minutes:Seconds): 2:57:36
Average MPH: 60
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: Not Active
Breakdown Roll: 3

The Yamada ASR-4 seems quite well suited to cruising along in the dark. Other than some noise from the all-terrain tires, it’s quiet.

@SurrealCereal

Team Machinas Con Passiones

Distance Traveled: 177.6 Miles
Time (Hours:Minutes:Seconds): 2:57:36
Average MPH: 60
Refueling Stops: 2
Breakdown: Not Active
Breakdown Roll: 1

Stopping twice for fuel didn’t make the MCP AWSB a popular van in the convoy. However, other than tire noise and team squabbles, it was a peaceful enough journey. On their second refueling stop, a six-legged cat jumps into the van and won’t leave, instead curling up in someone’s lap and purring.

@AndiD

Team “Quick Rally 47”

Distance Traveled: 177.6 Miles
Time (Hours:Minutes:Seconds): 2:57:36
Average MPH: 60
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: Not Active
Breakdown Roll: 1

Unsurprisingly, the Mara Kanyon had no issues at all with the relatively smooth cobblestone road. The all-terrain tires provided a soothing background hum behind the engine noise, and the observations of the teams continued without any issues. These observations are further aided when a six-legged cat leaps through an open window and ends up in Arthur’s lap.

@BG004130

Team Mrezhari

Distance Traveled: 177.6 Miles
Time (Hours:Minutes:Seconds): 2:57:36
Average MPH: 60
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: Not Active
Breakdown Roll: 2

The grippy medium compound tires give the Dunav 3300 excellent handling characteristics here on the cobblestone road in the Rift. Other than occasionally weaving around other vehicles as if they were moving pylons in a slalom course, the trip wasn’t very exciting.

@NoahC

Team Jockey

Distance Traveled: 177.6 Miles
Time (Hours:Minutes:Seconds): 2:57:36
Average MPH: 60
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: Not Active
Breakdown Roll: 2

The tiny little almost-a-four-seater Yinzer MightyTiny hums along just fine, needing to stop and refill the equally tiny gas tank once. However, a loud buzz rumbling through the car has everyone worried as to whether that is the all-terrain tires, or if someone just gassed four people in a car the size of a fridge.

(Author’s note: The car is a 2+2, so they do have 4 seats, but four fully-grown adults in a 2+2 penalty box will provide some mild humor at times.)

@elizipeazie

Team RK Series Racing

Distance Traveled: 177.6 Miles
Time (Hours:Minutes:Seconds): 2:57:36
Average MPH: 60
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: Not Active
Breakdown Roll: 1

The Anhultz Dione cruises along quite smoothly, thanks to the hard long-life road tires it was equipped with. A six-legged cat has jumped through the window and curled up in Connor’s lap, where it is now purring.

@Tzuyu_main

Team Black Rabbit

Distance Traveled: 177.6 Miles
Time (Hours:Minutes:Seconds): 2:57:36
Average MPH: 60
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: Not Active
Breakdown Roll: 3

The rally-modified Dauer 632 S may be the least comfortable car on the field, and it’s certainly one of the most visible, but it’s at least a smooth trip.

@SheikhMansour

Team Spy Kids

Distance Traveled: 177.6 Miles
Time (Hours:Minutes:Seconds): 2:57:36
Average MPH: 60
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: Not Active
Breakdown Roll: 4

The AST Elbrus cruises along at the expected pace without an issue, and the noise from the all-terrain tires is completely normal.

Team Shift Happens

Team Information

Previous Chapters:

Let’s Get This Party Started / First Arrivals - Starting Party 6 AM
Making Friends? - Starting Party 7 AM
A Moment in Time - Starting Party 7:30 AM
Another Team Arrives / War Songs in the Camp - Starting Party 8 AM
A Grand Reveal / An Army of Soda Cans - Starting Party 8:30 AM
Drivers’ Meeting - Starting Party 9 AM
A Request for Help - Starting Party 9:15 AM
A Helping Hand - Starting Party 9:30 AM
A Glimpse Into The Unknown - Starting Party Noon
Getting Hyped Up - Starting Party 3 PM
It’s Go Time! - Starting Party 6 PM

Nelehnraad

Things started out peaceful for the first 30 minutes of the trip, other than the occasional sonic boom way up above the cars. Then, things started getting chaotic. Team Oil Crisis, apparently deciding to spice things up a bit, deliberately drove into the back of the Bricksley, sending a jarring jolt through the truck and making everyone turn and look. This, of course, led to Kivenaal bumping into the IP Freeway Star of Team Hillbilly Rollers, a mild bump, but still enough to jostle their crew. When Team Oil Crisis did this again to Kivenaal, Kaylie rolled down her window, turned around in her seat, and held her wrench in her chrome left hand, an ominous threat that she’d hurl that wrench at them. Wisely, they backed off, only to proceed to target other teams. (@TheYugo45GV, feel free to take over on that lead in.) Kaylie got on the radio and apologized to Team Hillbilly Rollers with, “Sorry for the bump. We got rear-ended.”

Other than stopping a handful of times for people to refuel, the journey was going well. Then as they neared the last hour, glowing green eyes could be seen in the treeline on either side of the road. These turned out to belong to cats with six legs, which then promptly launched themselves toward various vehicles, latching on the best they could. Some made it through windows. Others held onto the cargo racks on the roof. A few got lucky and found teams while everyone was waiting on a team to finish refueling their car. Jayde grinned as he brought a black-and-gray cat into the Bricksley. “You know, I’ve always wanted a Jagriska, but, well, I’ve not done a lot of Rift-Walking. I guess this was my time,” Jayde said.

As they approached the end of the road, the doors swung open, nearly flash-blinding everyone and forcing everyone to slam on the brakes to avoid entering the town at 60 miles per hour.

Jaduvira, Crugandr, 8 Sun Local Time.

When they’d left, it was sunset in Nevada, and when they arrived in Jaduvira, bursting out of the door to a carriage shed, the sun was low in the sky here, too. Somewhere, a clock struck eight times, and combined with the sun hanging low in the sky and the twin moons starting to rise, it was obvious, then, that this was nearing the night. Having been driving for nearly three hours, Kivenaal was getting fatigued, and Kaylie highly suspected that most of their competitors were as well.

Kaylie looked back to see the last car drive out of the shed, the AST Elbrus, and watched as the doors were finally swung shut. Everyone slowed down, as it wasn’t really a smart idea to speed recklessly through unknown streets in fancy “magic” carriages. A train sluggishly left the station in a great billowing cloud of smoke and steam as the group of 17 odd, noisy vehicles weaved their way through the city of Jaduvira and toward the main gate, passing by buildings made with stone foundations and wooden walls, a local blacksmith who nearly dropped his hammer in the forge at the sight of the cars, and a few market stalls selling various fruits and vegetables. Guards wearing leather armor with a bright yellow fabric sash opened the gate for them, and soon, all of the teams were in the outskirts of the city.

“We’re going to stop here and make camp,” Kaylie said as they found a large, relatively flat area on the other side of the road.

Engines were switched off, and soon all that could be heard was the chirping of crickets, the crackling of the campfire (which was more for light and definitely less for heat, given the tropical conditions), and the sounds of people setting up their tents. The sky was beautifully clear with only the occasional cloud drifting past the sea of stars, providing an excellent view of the twin moons.

Tonight, they would rest. Tomorrow morning, the Rally would truly start.

In the distance, a lone wolf howled, birds sang, and the sounds of steam locomotives and large lizard-drawn carriages drifted into the camp as those vehicles trundled up and down the rails and the roads. Compared to Earth, it was oddly peaceful.

“So, who’s sharing a tent?” Malavera asked, looking at the five tents that Rukari had set up.

“Kaylie and I can share,” Jayde said after a while. Kaylie gave a shy smile, going to protest at first, though realized no matter what, someone was going to end up having to share. Jayde was big, but then so were most of the males in the group. If she didn’t share a tent with someone, well, it just meant two people would be extra cranky in the morning.

“That settles that, then,” Malavera said.

In the campsite, the influx of six-legged cats was now quite obvious. Jayde smiled. “Looks like we passed by a snarl of Jagriska kittens on our way here,” Jayde said, holding his own newly-found gray-and-black six-legged cat. “Great familiars for those magically inclined. Great pets for those who aren’t.”

“Out of curiosity, Jayde,” Kaylie asked, “how big do these cats get if the kittens are the size of adult cougars?”

“About the size of tigers when fully grown. But they’re gentle,” Jayde replied. “And it takes a few years for them to get that big.”

(OOC: And so starts the Shitbox Rally. New stages will be roughly every week, so have fun, everyone!)

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TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS
PART 0.1 - A prologue to the prologue
PART 0.2 - Another piece of the prologue puzzle
PART 0.3 - Viva la IP 4Z!
PART 0.4 - Robotman
PART 0.5 - Interference problems
PART 0.6 - Can I play Tetris?
PART 0.7 - Tangerine and familiar
PART 1.0 - Now things got serious!
PART 1.1 - Hello, Thibault and friends!
PART 1.2 - Poor kitty

Our friends left the team with their weirdly looking totally not a GM dustbuster van to prepare for the race. Marie quickly went and grabbed each of the crew members a burger to have something to eat before the race start which was going to be very soon.

ANDREAS: “I said no more looting, right?”
MARIE: “Actually they were free!”
JANNE: “Wow, you can show some behaviour at times. Oh, well. At least as long as you get something for free”, he said and grabbed his burger.

After a quick meal and a checkup of the van, it was quite clearly time for the race to start, or at least for the travelling in pack to Crugandir. They got the place in the Convoy ahead of the Bricksley, something that later would prove to be kind of the wrong spot. The pink van rolled into something that hardly looked more fancy than the sheds Janne could be nailing together from scrapwood, but it actually worked. It was a kind of sinister looking landscape they saw in the windshield, and they really could not turn on their fancy LED ramps because frying the eyes of the hosts through the rear view mirror would not really prove to be a good idea.

After a while, though, the noise was getting kind of annoying.
MARIE: IT IS LOUD AS FUCK IN HERE!
ANDREAS: I guess I blame the cobblestone roads then.
JANNE: You know what? Road 99 took us here, and now the least thing we can do is to celebrate it, right!

Janne grabbed one of his home-burnt-while-drunk CDs and put it into the still working IP Concer-tone 100 unit. The most basic sound system available in 2007, and nothing that would impress at dB-drags, but still.

Pär Hulkoffs sweet voice soon was interrupted by the Bricksley bouncing into the back of the Freeway Star, first once, then twice.

ANDREAS: WHAT THE FUCK? (calling on the CB)
BREAKER 1-9 BREA…EEHHH WHATEVER, DOES NOT BRICKSLEYS HAVE BRAKES???

"Sorry for the bump. We got rear-ended.

JANNE: Say what you want about the huge, fugly plastic bumpers but they do work. Hopefully the crash has scratched off at least some of the pink paint, other than that, I doubt that there is any damage.

The travel went on quite painless, at least until they heard something landing on the roof. Andreas stomped on the brakes.

ANDREAS: What the fuck was that? Jump out of the van and check out what happened.
JANNE: There is a cat on the roof.
ANDREAS: Oh.
MARIE: Naaaw…come kitty kitty
ANDREAS: No looting also applies to animals just so you know.
JANNE: It has six legs…
ANDREAS, MARIE: UHH???
JANNE: And it is totally weird looking, it is dark teal with some stripes in brown.
ANDREAS: HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING SOME STUFF MARIE HAS LOOTED NOW?
JANNE: Step out of the van and you will see.
ANDREAS, MARIE (steps out of the van): Ehm…uhm… You’re indeed right.
MARIE: Chase it away, poor kitty can’t sit there for the whole trip.

Since all the attempts to chase the cat away failed, they decided to let it sit there since 30 claws would probably be enough for it to grab to the roof. And probably they were right, since the six-legged feline still hung to the roof when they rolled into the campsite.

TO BE CONTINUED…

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215

The First Campsite, Nevada, USA

March 4th, 2022

Unknown, Nevada

Local time: 9:00am

Weather: Clear

“Orlan!” Aedan called. “Where are you?”

“Over here!” a voice called.

Aedan walked over to the Magistrate to find his team mates. “C’mon, Driver’s meeting is starting.”

(skipping the sneak peak)

Nelehnraad

March 4th, 2022

Somewhere in Nelehnraad.

Local time: Unknown

Weather: Cool, dark and moist. (Refreshing even for the desert dwelling lombaxes)

The pass through the portal had been successful for the most part, The sips of liquid courage had given them good luck. Well, that was extremely illegal to do so behind the wheel but they only had a small sip and were likely still sober enough not to crash horribly and die. The journey so far had been uneventful and aside from pulling over to switch to the reserve tank before setting off again. Orlan had decided to take over after that fuel stop, Pavel had found beautiful ginger furred, green eyed six legged cat that had jumped into the car and began petting it while trying to get Gunther to befriend it, Malcolm was checking a map, K’mino was sitting next to him watching the dark landscape go by, eventually falling asleep and Aedan was in the passenger seat shining what appeared to be a handheld spotlight out the window as the aux lights were kept off since K’mino messed up and bought two landing lights from a 737 instead of just normal off road lights.

As the journey continued a sonic boom rang out over head and Orlan looked up to curious as to where it came from before his thoughts were interrupted.

Aedan became increasingly panicked. “Orlan. Orlan! ORLAN!!”

By the time he looked ahead it was already too late to slow down and they bumped the rear bumper of the Bricksley ahead of them. This impact jarred K’mino awake and attracted the attention of Pavel and Malcolm.

“What did he do?” asked Malcolm.

“He bumped the giant Vantruck in front of us. And–,” Another crash resonated through the cabin. A female voice shouted something but it was lost in the wind. “I don’t know what she said, but I think she threatened to kill you, and if you aren’t careful I’ll do the honours myself.”

“Can you not threaten to kill me for the 19th time?”

“Shut up and drive.”

Crugandr

March 4th, 2022

Jaduvira, Vira Province, Crugandr.

Local time: 8:25 Sun Time

Weather: Hot, Humid and breezy (It was a very pleasant kind of hot that the cold had been swapped for)

A distant clock tower bonged eight times and the sun was low in the sky and this signified that it was going to be night soon. Orlan was already tired having been up since 3 am the previous day and so was the rest of the team, but they were in the final stretch and they would soon be able to sleep. Jaduvira was a beautiful city especially in the evening, people were mingling about and many were in awe at the strange vehicles driving though the city streets. Eventually they reached the main gates of the city and stopped about 50 feet from the gates on a patch of hard packed soil that just so happen to be able to fit the 17 cars. The Magistrate pulled up next to Hillbilly Rollers knocking over the tent that Marie had half assed in setting up. After a few adjustments they parked the car and shut the engine down. About 20 minutes later everyone had completed setting up their tents. Malcolm and K’mino set up their two person mountaineering tent next to the Magistrate and were moving their sleeping bags into it while Aedan, Orlan and Pavel had moved the team’s luggage and put it in the front passenger seat. One weapon crate was put along side the luggage inside the car as it was too sensitive to leave outside. In one of the two crates outside the car was the Walther WA2000, and in the other were the two FALs. The M92s were all stored on the cargo shelves in the roof extension on either side.

Orlan didn’t seem to like the sleeping arrangements. “Do us three really have to share the back of the Magistrate?”

Aedan rolled his eyes and smiled.

“Malcolm’s got his tent, and I’m sure K’mino wouldn’t mind sleeping behind sheet metal.”

A sharp sigh escaped from his brother. “By the order of the stars I will not spend the night in a tent.” Orlan said, his voice low.

“Then why are you complaining?”

“Because I’m not comfortable having to spoon with my commanding officer, who’s also my brother and a former, well respected five bolt general.”

Pavel looked up from petting his cat. “I had to share a lower bunk with a crew mate during my time on the Centurion. This is the same but it isn’t a star ship bunk, just the back of a station wagon.”

“Alright, I’ll suck it up.” Orlan said, before muttering to himself about something.

Shortly later, they got rear seats of the Magistrate folded down and inflated the air mattress they brought, before getting the giant shared blanket that likely wouldn’t see any use because of the heat.

A distant train whistle and the chugging of a steam locomotive followed by the railway cars claketing resonated through the quiet evening…

To Be Continued (like always)

(*OOC note: I’m just testing the waters with this province name, Let me know if this is OK or not because I don’t want to ruin anything.)

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216

Team Shift Happens

Team Information

Previous Chapters:
It’s Go Time! - Starting Party 6 PM
Boldly Going / Through the Rift / Arrival in Jaduvira - Stage 0

(OOC: No problems with the province names. I’ll leave a list of semi-proper ones here after my post, because I’ve had enough time to come up with ones that work given the rest of the town names.)

18/7/3251, 8 Sun Local Time, the First Camp in Crugandr

Rukari sat behind a large pot of stew near the campfire, something made using basic supplies they’d brought. He knew that with a bit of beef, some potatoes, a handful of vegetables, and some garlic, he could make something rather decent for a meal. He slowly stirred it with a large wooden spoon, taking pride in something he knew how to do.

“So, when the hell are we, then?” Kayden asked. “I mean, we know we’re in Crugandr, and we’ve been told that’s Jaduvira, but what timeframe are we here in?”

“Well, given the stump I kicked still had bees around it, it can’t be much later than when I left,” Jayde said. “That was Clendim 18, 7th month, 3251 AWM, and I left around 4:75 Sun.”

Malavera nodded. “I know my history of this world, so that makes some sense,” he said. When the others stared at him, he sighed. “They don’t have month names like we do on Earth. It’s just 1 through 13. So, this is Month 7, mid-year. Clendim is like our Wednesday, but the weekdays are named for activities. Clendim would be a cleaning day. With 35 days a month, that puts us about mid-month as well given that it’s the 18th. And it’s 3251 years after the War of Magic,” Malavera said.

Kaylie then looked at the other two from this world, Kivenaal and Rukari, then asked, “So, what years did you two come from?”

Rukari smiled. “I left in 87 ASW. After Second War of Magic,” Rukari explained.

Kivenaal grimaced. “That entirely depends on what reference you want. That could be 8729 ASW. Or 1 AFA. Depends on whether you’re asking when I left the planet, or when I left what I called home.”

“AFA?” Kaylie asked.

“After the Fall of Aetherii. Some others call it ATW, or After the Third War of Magic,” Malavera said. “The first was often said by survivors of the war. The second is often used by historians.”

“So, Kivenaal was there?” Kayden asked.

“Saw the purple death-fog shroud the entire planet,” Kivenaal said in a haunted tone of voice. “When it faded, the planet was… The trees survived, but I can’t imagine much else did. Those who couldn’t escape…” He trailed off, refusing to say any more. He got up, grabbed one of the dark purple bottles from the back of the Bricksley, pulled the cork out with his claws, and downed almost half of it in a matter of seconds.

(OOC: @TheYugo45GV So, regarding province names, Jaduvira’s province would be better as Vira Province, as “Vira” in Old Gand means “Dark.” Jadu is more just a word for green, referencing the forest around it. (The first town we’ll stop at by the end of Stage 1 is Viravalli which means “Dark Forest.” Samiraie’s province would be better as Raie Province, coming from their word for Lake. Trugarde’s province should be Garda, from their word meaning Guard or Sentinel. Tapari’s province would be best as Itz Province, from itz being a word for Watch. They were often a line of defense against pirates and invasions.)

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217

Great, I will make the appropriate changes

2 Likes
218

TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS
PART 0.1 - A prologue to the prologue
PART 0.2 - Another piece of the prologue puzzle
PART 0.3 - Viva la IP 4Z!
PART 0.4 - Robotman
PART 0.5 - Interference problems
PART 0.6 - Can I play Tetris?
PART 0.7 - Tangerine and familiar
PART 1.0 - Now things got serious!
PART 1.1 - Hello, Thibault and friends!
PART 1.2 - Poor kitty
PART 1.3 - Curse you, Team Oil Crisis!

When our friends was finished with looking surprisingly at the cute little kittycat (ehm…) on the roof, they decided that there was no time to spare, but better get going with making themselves comfortable.

MARIE: I can put up the tent!
ANDREAS: I highly doubt that.
MARIE: Why?
ANDREAS: Because you can’t do anything, more or less.
JANNE: Oh, come on, how can she fail with setting up a tent?
ANDREAS: Because she failed with painting the van!
JANNE: Unfortunately not, see, even if I had hoped for more of it to come loose, most of the paint actually is still left after the Bricksley hit us.

When Marie had struggled for a while and said some less nice words, Andreas was starting to lose his temper.

ANDREAS: Well, are you finished soon?
MARIE: No, because this is the worst tent in the whole damn world, we should have bought a good one instead!
ANDREAS: To me, it’s nothing but a pretty regular tent, though.
MARIE: This will have to do!
ANDREAS: It will collapse before midnight.
MARIE: NO IT WILL NOT!

The fight was abruptly interrupted by the Union Magistrate entering the campsite at a fairly high speed, knocking down the tent completely. Not only that, Marie somewhat managed to get stuck in the tent that fell over her, and to make things even worse, the six legged cat jumped down from the roof of the Freeway Star, down on the tent that Marie struggled to come loose from.

MARIE: OH FUCK! WHAT THE HELL HAPP…NO, GET AWAY FROM HERE YOU LITTLE BAST…AAAAAOOOOOOOHHHHHH DON’T PUT THE CLAWS THROUGH THE TENT OR I WILL COOK YOU FOR BREAKFAST TOMORROW!

“MEEEEOOOOOWWWW SCREEEEEECH!”

After a small catfight (no pun intended), Marie finally managed to pry herself loose from the mess that once was a tent, while the cat ran somewhere far away.

MARIE: DID YOU GUYS GET YOUR DRIVERS LICENSE IN A PACKAGE OF CORN FLAKES? FIRST YOU HIT THE DAMN BRICKSLEY, NOT ONLY ONCE, BUT TWICE, SENDING IT INTO OUR DAMN VAN! THEN YOU SOMEHOW MANAGED TO KNOCK DOWN OUR TENT WITH YOUR GODDAMNED FAMILY TRUCKSTER! I AM GETTING KIND OF TIRED OF THIS!

After the yelling, she threw the tent pegs towards one of the Union’s wheels, without doing any damage though, and then threw the whole tent over the station wagon, walking towards the van to get something.

MARIE: AND WHY WON’T THIS MOTHERFUCKING DOOR OPEN HNNNNGGGGGHHHHHHH!!!
JANNE: Use the sliding door on the other side, I have told you exactly 47 times that only one of them works.
MARIE: Oh, right. I need something to drink!

After opening the other door, Marie took some sips from the can of Kilju. Andreas excused themselves for Marie’s behaviour but told Team Oil Crisis that she kind of had a point with what she was saying, while Janne got a great idea for a little “bribe”. He took an empty PET bottle that was in one of the front door storage compartments, and filled it up with Kilju, to approach the hosts. He went to Rukari with the bottle of Kilju.

JANNE: Take this as a gift from us. It’s pure finnish quality!

Janne gave Rukari a kind of weird smile, he knew that it wasn’t for everyone, but maybe they would appreciate it.

Meanwhile at the van, Andreas managed to put the tent up in almost no time at all.

ANDREAS: You’re right. We should have bought a better tent. It was impossible to put this shit up.
MARIE: Well, like I am listening to you anyway, Mr. Wise guy!

TO BE CONTINUED
@Madrias @TheYugo45GV

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RK Series Racing; Stage 0 Drive

Most of the afternoon has been spent with the various team members doing various semi-related stuff regarding the car and such. Constantin figured out a simple tent structure using the trunk and it’s latch to keep it up, saving substantial amounts of assembly time and also allows for quick pull-away if need be, even if it would drag the sheet along the for the ride out back.

The Dione’s radio does not go off, as they turned off the ignition hours ago to save the battery from unnecessary strain. It may be near-new, but it’s a battery, not a nuclear power plant.

Not much happens until the departure is announced, at which point the team heads into the car, Tim driving his “new” purchase and Valentin next to him. Constantin, due to his mass is forced to shuffle over to the rear left, with Connor beside him, still working on the newly re-established arm and hand mobility.

The car effortlessly springs to life as Tim turns the ignition key to the “start” position, finding it’s idle soon after without aid from any of the complicated carb systems installed in there. Immediately, the occupants make an attempt at rolling down the windows, with mixed results. Tim rediscovers the power window switch being busted, with both Schrants rolling their respective windows down. Connor doesn’t seem to bothered by the heat, though some effect can be seen through a mildly heightened breath to aid cooling.

Once it is their turn, they drive into the Rift, taking in the strange visuals resulting from it. The cobblestone below them, while decidedly shitty by interstate standards as the width may suggest, is better than they expected. Still, barreling along doing 60mph across cobblestone roads ain’t comfortable. Both Valentin and Constantin take in the view in a state between confusion and awe, with Tim focused on not taking out the car ahead.

About two hours in, some cat-like thing jumps in through the offside rear window, scaring Constantin shitless in the process. It’s inertia and “braking distance” takes it over to Connor, who’s right arm is now more or less pegged inbetween the animals head and the nearside rear doorcard. The inertia imparted into the car makes it veer a bit to the left, but not dangerously so.

Constantin: “WHOAH!!! WHAT THE FUCK!?!?”
Valentin: [turning around, spotting the… thing in the process] “JESUS FUCK THERE’S A COUGAR IN HERE FUUUUUUCK!!”

The car is now wildly going across the road, basically tank-slapping arab-style across both lanes including the shoulders. It doesn’t take long for them to realize that their hitchhiker doesn’t really do much. Especially since Connor starts to instinctively pet the animal, calming it down instantly as he managed to hit that one sweet-spot right behind the left ear. It still takes quite a while for the shock of a what essentially is a massive house cat entering the car without any warning whatsoever.

Valentin: “I want that thing gone… get it away…”
Connor: “I am not sure as to what it is, but it seems harmless for the time being.”
Redwood: “Even i don’t have the balls to nonchalantly pet a mutant cougar without second thought…”
Constantin: “Neither of you don’t have the balls to pet a regular cat…”

Some banter about not having balls follows, the cat now fast asleep, purring away at Connor’s work petting the thing.

The remainder of the trip is rather uneventful, with the team slowly getting accustomed to a massive feline in the back row.

Upon reaching the other end, the world looked strangely familiar, albeit very historical. It felt like DnD had come to life and manifested itself in this here town. A rather pleasant trip through town coming and going, they end up on some grass field, along with all the other teams. They begin to set up camp, which takes all of like… 12 minutes or so, as half the team is to be sleeping within the car and one doesn’t need any campsite preparation to do so. Soon after, they get to preparing meals for the team.

to be continued

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Team Shift Happens

Team Information

Previous Chapters:
It’s Go Time! - Starting Party 6 PM
Boldly Going / Through the Rift / Arrival in Jaduvira - Stage 0
When the Hell are We!? - Stage 0 Campsite

The Camp outside Jaduvira

When the Magistrate nearly flattened the tent of Team Hillbilly Rollers, Kaylie shook her head. “Whoever’s behind the wheel needs to get their eyes checked,” she said. As Marie struggled with the downed tent, their cat leaped down to ‘play’ with the lump in the tent, only for Marie to fight back. The cat sprinted off, climbing up a tree and watching the team from a ‘safe’ distance while Marie exploded at Team Oil Crisis for their shit driving, complete with hurling tent pegs and then the tent at their wagon.

Rukari smiled as Janne offered the large plastic jug of Kilju to him. “Considering my brother has a few, how is it said again? ‘Skeletons in his closet?’ We will probably need this,” Rukari said, accepting the jug and tasting some of it. He tipped his head, a little puzzled at first, then said, “This reminds me of the time I made alcohol with pure sugar instead of using fruit. Still better than my first attempts with lemons, though.”

Kayden watched as Andreas managed to get the tent up with ease, then decided to do much the same with their five tents, with a bit more of a struggle. Likewise, Team RK Series Racing got their tent up in no time, leaving Kayden wondering how the hell both teams did it so fast. When he asked Malavera, the only response was a chuckle, followed by, “Clearly, you’ve never gone camping.”

Jayde, not being watched as closely by Kaylie, was investigating the supplies in the cab of the Bricksley. He found one of Rukari’s stashed cans of snus, recognized it as some form of tobacco, determined this type wasn’t meant for smoking, and tried some by rolling a bit around and stuffing it under his upper lip. Within a few minutes, he went from being tired to wide awake, full of energy, and, unfortunately, quite hungry. Luckily, Rukari was almost done with the stew, and Jayde got one of the first piping hot bowls of it.

Kivenaal set the empty purple-glass bottle back in the crate in the truck, wandered over to where Rukari was at with the food, and sat down, still looking amazingly sober for someone who had consumed as much 190-proof alcohol as he just had. With a bowl in hand, he ate quickly, trying to avoid thinking on the past.

Malavera noticed Jayde’s sudden surge of energy and tried to figure out what he’d gotten into. He, likewise, found the stashed cans of snus under the rear bench seat, opened one up, rolled some into a ball and placed it under one of his upper lips. Within a few minutes, however, it was obvious that it had a very different effect on the large Khalan as he slumped back in the rear bench seat. When he eventually realized he was hungry, Malavera got out of the truck, left the door wide open, stumbled and half-shuffled his way over to the campfire, and sat down with a weighty thud.

Rukari looked over as Malavera grabbed a bowl of stew, recognizing the look on his faces and trying not to laugh. “Someone has the munchies,” Rukari said.

“The sky is a lovely shade of teal,” Malavera mumbled, before reaching up as if he was trying to catch a firefly. “So many colorful fireflies, like little stars,” he added.

Kivenaal groaned. “Malavera, listen to me. Did you grab one of these cans?” Kivenaal asked, holding up his can of snus."

“Yes,” Malavera said, giving a loopy double smile.

“Shit,” Kivenaal said. “Great, we’ve got a completely stoned navigator now.”

Kayden sighed and removed the offending tobacco from Malavera’s left mouth with a grimace. “He’s going to be completely fucked up for the better part of 24 Earth hours,” Kayden said. “Keep him out of the alcohol, it’ll make this last longer for him.”

“What happened?” Kaylie asked.

“Malavera’s high on nicotine,” Kayden responded.

“Oh,” Kaylie said, giving a grimace.

“The moons are pie, the sky is green, I just got high with nicotine,” Malavera rhymed, chuckling afterward.

Rukari sighed. “Sorry that you have to see this, Janne,” Rukari said, watching as Malavera finished his bowl of stew and slumped backward in the grass.

(OOC: @Knugcab And so it has happened. And yes, this is a tame response because he only had a little bit of it. Otherwise he’d be completely screwed for a week.)

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like the stoned navigator part a lot :smiley:
minor correction, though

there’s only one “tent”, which is little more than a tarp wedged into the Dione’s trunk lid, secured at the other end with two pegs. Constantin is effectively sleeping below the rear bumper with the foot-end of his bedroll thing

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Correction made. I’ll still call it a tent, but now there’s only one.

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Campsite One (Team Oil Crisis)

March 4th, 2022

Jaduvira, Vira Province, Crugandr.

Local time: 8:10 Sun Time

Weather: Hot, Humid and breezy (It was a very pleasant kind of hot that the cold had been swapped for)

Orlan had successfully managed to run over Hillbilly Rollers’ tent with the car. Naturally this sparked some disapproval from Aedan.

“Why did you do that? Do you realise you nearly hit someone?”

“Yes, I know. I misjudged how close we were ok?”

Aedan let out an exasperated sigh.

“I warned you not to drive and what did you do? You ignored me. And when you ignore me shit hits the fan like the that time on Satlon V when you decided to shoot the tank of liquid alkanite and collapsed the bridge.”

Meanwhile, Marie from Hillbilly Rollers was shouting at them angrily they heard something along the lines of ‘Did you guys get your driver’s licence in a box of cornflakes.’

“Why’s she so angry?”

“Because you nearly ran her over. Just ignore her and please park the car properly?”

A metallic clink resonated through out the cabin as Marie threw a metal tent peg that bounced off the rear wheel of the Magistrate. Then just as she threw the tent over the car, Orlan threw the car in reverse and backed up with such gusto that the 4.5L V8 spun the rear wheel facing the Hillbilly Rollers van, covering the tent that had fallen off the car with soil thrown up from the tire. Then, Orlan put the car back into drive and pulled up again this time about 5 feet away from where the tent was standing.

“Sorry you had to witness that guys but she’s got a point.” said Andreas.

“Tell that to Orlan over here, he drives like he’s shitfaced when he’s tired.”

Then after this small fiasco, the guys set up their sleeping arrangements.

To Be Continued (like always) @Knugcab

(OOC: The previous post takes place a few minutes after this one.)

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Team Mravolinski-Chitco

Team info: 2022 Shitbox Rally - Out of This World! (Stage 0) - #30 by MrdjaNikolen

This is reply to last part

We got to Crugandr

Post describing our Stage 0 standings was somewhat accurate
Its true that interior and dogs still smelled like piss and its hard to argue with some not properly latched stuff singing their song while going on cobblestone road.

This doesnt take away from fact that Mrdja was still able to listen to music and, seeing this might be amusing to rest, said music choice was done with CB radio turned on.
Everyone tuned to that channel was able to listen to said music and not much speak from the team.
Some swerwing and bumping was heard from other teams during the journey.

Camp was where things started to get weird, mainly bcos of six-legged cats that joined few other teams. We had seen few on our shuffling through both our car and camp and saw that hosts were (unsurprizingly) familiar with creatures.
Both dogs and Chicota are familiar with fighting against something of this size, so they were ready to defend our team from them, but two things have arisen as conclusion:

  • They never came close enough to be a threat

  • Cats had joined several teams as was already noted. Some of teams with this (mis)fortune are rather standard individuals and yet, no fight was ever seen
    TLDR: Seems these felines are friendly in nature and arent willing to hurt their “hosts”, who ever “hosts” would turn out to be.

(Note:
hosts is used for hosts of this adventure- Team Shift Happens
“hosts” are teams that got one of six-legged cats.
Besides Shift Happens, there are 6 other teams with this declaration.)

With this change noted, it was time to eat and sleep. Bike bed got new user, with bike being set on top of Pi, not that she ever complained about such situation.
Dogs had settled in cab and Chicota was positioned beside VerBanka on top of said cab, being closer to entrance in said space.

Last two werent willing to get to sleep just yet, choosing to discuss some stuff that may be an issue.

Namely, refreshing our food supplies and money usage
Thanks to the fact they can ask hosts whats humanly safe to eat and fact those can serve as convenient currency exchange point, there wasnt too much worrying.
And besides, it is possible to obtain the knowledge by picking safe-looking stuff and we have few skilled mechanics in team that could try to exchange services for local currency or goods, so relying on host team could be taken as point of last resort, although reliable one.

Still, although its perfectly fine to account for all possibilities, we dont need to worry about either of those things

yet

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Team Shift Happens

Team Information

Previous Chapters:
It’s Go Time! - Starting Party 6 PM
Boldly Going / Through the Rift / Arrival in Jaduvira - Stage 0
When the Hell are We!? - Stage 0 Campsite
Out of His Damn Mind - Stage 0 Campsite

(OOC Note: If anyone wants to put their post in a particular point in time, feel free. I’m only advancing the time because it’s relevant to my characters. If you would prefer to have an earlier moment with another team, please, do so. Likewise, if you want to have a later moment, please, do so. Remember that the nights run from 1 Moon to 10 Moon, and we’ll be up around 1 Sun for the next stage.)

5 Moon Local Time, Shitbox Rally Jaduvira Campground.

When everyone had gone to bed, tired from the days events, Kaylie had tried to get some sleep. But, with Jayde so close, she found it hard to sleep at all. She’d had more than her fair share of dreams in the past about a Leoni hero to sweep her off her feet and take her to bed, but never had the opportunity. Now she had all the opportunity, but she didn’t dare. It was one thing to do so in a dream, but Jayde was, for all intents and purposes, a complete stranger to her. So she laid there in the tent, not sleeping well at all. Sure, she’d get a few minutes here and there, always waking up the instant her dreams got intimate, the instant the Leoni’s face turned out to be Jayde’s.

With a sigh, she got out of their shared tent and stalked across the silent campground to the Bricksley. It was a luxury van, so surely the seats would make for a comfortable enough bed. She opened the driver’s door, turned the key on enough to have power, and rolled the rear windows down a few inches before turning the key back off. Closing the driver’s door quietly, Kaylie opened the driver’s side rear door, climbed up into the van, then closed the door.

Unfortunately, she closed it left handed, slamming the door rather loudly. With a grimace, she laid down across the rear bench, hoping that whoever heard the door slam wouldn’t figure out it was her fault.

Jayde, on the other hand, couldn’t sleep for much the same reason as Kaylie. Sure, he’d offered to share the tent with her because someone was going to end up sharing a tent, and he’d done so many times before with other people, but Kaylie was different. One, she was quite attractive, both in form and in personality, and two, she was the first who didn’t shy away from him when she saw his scars. Which, to be fair, was expected, considering she’d lost an arm to a mock battle, and he’d lost a leg and gotten a nasty scar on his face from an actual airship battle.

So, when she’d left the tent, Jayde knew immediately because he hadn’t been sleeping either. Faking it really good, perhaps, but wide awake, trying not to think of what could be, if only either one of them could find some courage and just ask. And, to be fair, they barely knew each other. Jayde recognized her name, but surely there were many tigers named Kaylie over the years. Queen Kaylie the Long-Sighted may have been an ancient queen who knew the future, but that didn’t make Kaylie Grayson the same Kaylie. With a sigh, he pulled out the ancient letter that had been left to him and read it again to himself.

11/13/120 AWM

Jayde Malradi,

Though we will never meet, know that you are not a forgotten hero, despite the amount of times you’ve relived bits of the past. You have another mission, one from me this time, a quest to guide and to guard a group of travelers. At 4:77 Sun on 18/7/3251 AWM, they will open a mirror to our world from theirs. Go through that mirror. Tell no one there of your mission. Join the team known as “Shift Happens” in this event of theirs, and protect all of the teams from harm. A great danger is waiting for them, a danger you have faced once before. A danger you must face again, to save them all from a grim fate.

A Friend in Time,

Queen Kaylie the Long-Sighted.

Jayde folded the letter back up and tucked it back into the pouch he’d been carrying it in, then laid back down with a sigh. This was going to be a long, long night.

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Campsite One (Team Oil Crisis)

March 4th, 2022

Jaduvira, Vira Province, Crugandr.

Local time: 2 Moon Time

Weather: Warm and breezy.

The night was quiet, that was except for the crickets and the occasional steam train whistle in the distance. In side the Magistrate, saying it was cramped was an understatement, especially with three people sharing one bed in a car that still had yet to cool down. No one could fall asleep thanks to the immense heat inside the Magistrate and it didn’t help that the windows were rolled down.

“Aedan?” Orlan whispered, “Do you have any ideas on how to make it colder in here?”

“Other than dumping a bucket of ice cold water all over myself or putting ice down my shirt, its beyond me.”

“What are you two whispering about?” The dark mass that was Pavel, asked.

“Orlan is asking me for tips on how cool to himself down.”

“You cant lie when I say its unpleasant to sleep here.”

Aedan sighed exasperatedly

“Could we just get some rest without nitpicking or complaining?”

Sighing, Pavel rolled onto his back. “It is impossibly hot in here, obviously its not going to be easy.”

“What’s stopping you from turning the engine over, and waking up the whole camp? That’s the only way the A/C is going to help us.”

“Well that’s that then, we are helpless.”

“Why don’t you cry about it?”

“I didn’t think of that. So now I will.”

Orlan rolled over to face away from them and feigned a sob.

“You aren’t fooling anyone, Ori.”

“Where’s my cat?” asked Pavel.

“Sleeping in the tent with K and Mal.”

Without much else to worry about the three fell silent, Until Aedan got an ear draped over his face.

“Could you get your ear out of my face?”

Orlan obeyed without protest.

“Thank you.”

With that the three lombaxes fell silent and one by one, drifted off to sleep and let their dreams take hold.

To Be Continued (like always)

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Team Slow
Part 1 Post Prologue- We’re in Crugandr.
(I missed the driving part)
Jaduvira, Crugandr, Campsite.
Time: 12:45PM Sun time.
After finally arriving at Crugandr, Matt goes and inspects the car for any breaking points, there is nothing broken on the car, and the hacked up 4WD is working well, especially on the bumpy Earth terrain, unfortunately the door hinge is slightly offset and misaligned now after slamming it so hard to get the car to shut up about the door being open, Matt re-aligns the door

John: Matt, why did you have to close that door so hard its actually slightly offset
Matt: The sensor was being shit,
John: Alright
Matt: You know that one tent we bought?
John: Yeah?
Matt: It goes on the roof. But the rack is in the way.
John: Just build around the rack as he sighs at the idea of building a tent on the top of a sedan

We get to work on building the tent around the roof rack, and get to work on planning, Who needs ladders when you can climb over the car, after trying to get all-terrains but the languages were very different. We did manage to get a set of A/T’s though.

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Team Mravolinski-Chitco

Team info: 2022 Shitbox Rally - Out of This World! (Stage 0) - #30 by MrdjaNikolen

This is reply to last part

** Go back to sleep, normie! **

Ah do i wish doing as stated in title of this post. But no, at some point during my reading through car magazine thats unlikely to ever be made, SOMEONE had slammed some distant door.

(Ofc we know IRL that slammer is Kaylie, who spent some time adjusting to her left hand, but still sometimes underestimates that prostethic’s power
It could be possible that we are parked in way where i could see Bricksley rocking from both freshly slammed door and Kaylie trying to make herself comfortable, but that was never implied.
Kaylie isnt gonna worry about me anyway…some other member of Slam Happens might decide to investigate, tho ).

Im not appreciative of high temperature night either, so i may decide thats gonna annoy me, mainly bcos of handy amount of sweat going in tandem with it.
This will hold true for remainder of journey, partially bcos days would be even worse scenario.
Happily i saw no mosquitoes yet, so thats a solid positive.

Suddenly, this bike seemed like good thing to bring along.
Somehow pulling both said bike off Pi and my own self from rear of Kontir, i had managed to mount the ass on seat.
Pedalling could start and also a painful remainder that i was much fitter about 5 years ago: driving a route i used to do routinely back then would likely result in very non-fluid drive now; shared consequence of getting 20ish kg more and said route including some solid altitude changes.

Happily this part of this country does seem flat, making my air-based cooling solution much easier and night seemed bright.
It was weird looking at two moons, but eh, this must be parallel universe for reason, right?
It all seems very nice so far, but after some undisclosed time riding, i heard a female-sounding shriek from nearby carriage bcos ofc i decided to get on road.
It was then i realized that i havent put any additional clothes on myself before going for a ride, which explained presence of local individual getting from said carriage towards myself.

“My daughter was greatly disturbed by your indecency. How do you explain yourself?”
“My bad for not grabbing out shorts, then. I would usually do that, but seems im not quite used to being here + im kinda sleepy if im honest. During such warm weather, im used to sleeping in short-sleeved T-shirt and some underwear; this hopefully explains my…clothing situation.”
“T-shirt? Shorts? What are you talking about?
Also, that whole “not used to being here” thing doesnt work with me.”
“T-shirt is what covers my upper part of body, sir. Shorts are just short pants of sorts and with same usage as well.”

I was about to explain how im here in travel, when his shriek-prone daughter stroke again.
He turned around to face this new reason
“Ah, what to say about you, weird creature, then? I fear you might taste fair bit of my sword.”
Creature, aka our Pi, replied:
“Lets hope that she isnt disgusted by sight or smell of corpses, then.
If not, i will ask my friend here (points at Mrdja) to notify rest of our team of my demise.
Koji kurac? (Serbian, Pronounced aproximately as Ko-yee q-ratz? has similar meaning as WTF.)”
Pi’s rear end was smelled by tow lizard, which caused her last sentence to be said. Lizard in question seemed to be happy about the action.

“Look, we really dont want to cause trouble with anyone…” of Mrdja was quickly interrupted by yet another shriek from daughter.
Another local that came seemed to had fair bit of beef with our “friend” so while they sorted that out, we were packing ourselves back to camp.

Only then, we realized there were in fact three of us.
“I got scared bcos my father and that guy started duelling with swords” third member explained, “and you said you have a team.”
“We are also certain that your father wouldnt be pleased with you going away with two strangers.”
“Someone had visited us?” Chicota decided to exit truck too.
“Yup. Somewhere in that general direction, her father has sword duel with another local. She got scared and took after us.”
“I will take care of it. She is going to lead me to duel, im gonna persuade involved in not getting more hurt etc.”

“IM HERE”
Both men looked at girl and Chicota, who continued.
“Dad, you swore of never picking fights in front of my sister. You know how sensitive she is to see someone getting hurt and you full well know she couldnt drive carriage home in case of you getting hurt.”
“Who is this guy?”
“I dont know…but my son he definitely isnt.”
Chicota had started to run away from confused bunch, hoping that confusion would break down the fight.
Some harsh words were exchanged, but it was decided to continue elsewhere, without daughters and “sons” breaking down the fight.

Chicota has rejoined our group, with bike already being on Pi and Mrdja already sleeping on bike bed.
He will talk about this with them tommorow.

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Machinas Con Passione’s Shitbox Adventures Episode 3 - The 60 MPH Conga Line.

Shitbox Rally Starting Party - 6 PM Local time.

And so, the time had come. The Shitbox Rally was set to begin. With the preparation of 0.5 people and the determination of 5, Machinas Con Passione would make their rally debut. Chad McChad had worked tirelessly on making last minute adjustments to the Aerodynamic Wedge-Shaped Beast, and had time to add one final change to the van. Using his boot and a blowtorch, Chad had made a perfectly square shaped hatch in the roof of the car, and had welded a makeshift handle onto it, to allow team members to peek out of the roof of the car in the event that something wacky and uncharacteristic were to happen to any of the 10 windows they had on the van. Either way, he was sure somebody would enjoy getting pelted with wind at 60 miles per.

Before departing into t h e v o i d, Giacomo decided a sendoff was in order, so he held up team Hillbilly Rollers to take a picture of the ragtag group on what would very likely be their last few sane moments together.

MCP Campsite
MCP Campsite1180×610 77.4 KB

Shitbox Rally, Stage 0.
Alas, the hard work had been done for MCP, as the first stage was more of a leisurely tour of Crugandr. Although most teams would relish the opportunity to take the first stage easy and to take in the views of a world completely different to their own, the members of MCP came to a stark realization… Again. The fuel efficiency of the van was, surprisingly enough, nonexistent. The first refueling went by without incident, however, the second stop ruffled a few feathers, to say the least. Giacomo was the first to pipe up at this travesty. “Okay, so, you mean to tell me that using questionable methods to turn a normal v6 into a relatively powerful and unreliable beast is BAD for fuel efficiency? What madness is this?!”

“Well, at least we can stop for free. This time.” McChad was a bit miffed at the prospect of having to stop every hour for fuel, though he WAS the one responsible for the engine in the first place. Then again, the sacred words, “mo powa baby”, were too poignant to ignore this one time. Similarly annoyed was one Maria, who pulled Giacomo aside for a one on one.
M: “Guarda, Giacomo, da un italiano all’altro…” (Hey, Giacomo, one italian to another…)
G: “I siciliani non contano.” (Sicilians don’t count.)
A deep sigh.
M: “Sto cercando di essere gentile con te.” (I’m trying to be nice to you.)
“Che cosa? La Sicilia è completamente diversa dall’Italia continentale, è un complimento!” (What? Sicily is completely different from mainland Italy, it’s a complement!)
“Yeah yeah, Keep your compliment dick. Anyway, next time you get us a big thirsty engine, make it a V8. I hope you have some kind of bright idea to deal with stopping every 20 seconds.”
G: “Please, I’m a Scarfiotti! I always win in the end!”
M: “I’m sure not forgetting to breathe is a win at the end of the day for you.”
G: “Hey! I resent that. But if it’ll inflate my win streak…”
Another sigh.
M: “Right. Another win for the Scarfiottis. I literally come from a crime family and yet I feel like I’m being out-ego’d here.”
And thus, Team Machinas Con Passione climbed aboard the Aerodynamic Wedge Shaped Beast, ready to get things moving for the remainder of the stage, not noticing that they’d been joined by a six-legged friend.

After a few minutes, Maria asked to use the hatch. After Chad headbutted it open, and after Dr. Dover stitched him up, Maria climbed up and surveyed the vehicles around them. It looked like Team Oil Crisis were playing ping pong with other cars, that’ll go over well with the organizers.

And who’s in this fancy looking Daue-

Oh.

Maria quickly shut the hatch and acted like she had seen nothing.
“Maria, next time you need to close the hatch, let me do it. You caved in the cieling a bit.” Chad chided Maria for ruining his precious hour and a half of work. “Oh, sorry, I uh… Saw something.” Maria snuck another peek at the Dauer from the passenger window to confirm her suspicions. Were internationally wanted war criminals really allowed to just show up at rally raids? We really do live in strange times. “Oh, really? I just saw something rather interesting in the car myself. If you’ll look to your left.” Maria looked to her left and found herself staring face to face with a 6 legged… Cat? Thing? Creature? “Oh, cool. I’ve always liked- HUH?”

This drew the attention of Giacomo, who looked back to witness said catlike creature. “All good back there Mari- UAAAAAAAAAGH!”
As it turned out, Giacomo happened a distaste for cats. A very strong distaste. Thusly, he leapt from his seat, grabbed the catlike creature, and kicked the door open. “GETITOUTGETITOUGETITOUTGETITOUTGETITOUT” Screamed he unendingly. It took Maria placing him in a sleeper hold and slamming the trunk shut to bring him back do his senses, or at least, as close as Giacomo could get to being back to his senses.

“Giacomo. Are you nuts? Calm down!” Maria slapped him a bit harder than was actually necessary to bring the guy back to his senses. Giacomo teared up, his lip starting to pout. “A cat killed my great great grandmother’s mother! I hate cats! They are strictly forbidden in the Scarfiotti residence!” And so, he defended his near-throwing a cat out of a moving vehicle. “Hm… Yes. Generational trauma. And how does that make you feeel?” It seemed that Dr. Dover had joined in the interrogation. Thibault looked back at the crew with bloodshot eyes, evidently not amused by the fact that everyone was talking over the sounds of the suspension creaking. “I know. How about. We all shut up, and leave it to a vote.” And thus, the vote was held to shut everyone up, and alas, 4 - 1, the cat stayed as a member of the group.

Shitbox Rally Stage 0 - Campsite.
And so, MCP survived. In hindsight, not a terribly difficult achievement, but they achieved it. Hanging around the van, which, with the windows rolled down and the trunk wide open, now doubled as a tent, Giacomo had one final inane suggestion.

G: “Okay, alright, how about this: for the next fuel stop, we just refuel and don’t stop!”
B: “As great of an idea as that would be, I don’t have anything to treat ballistic injuries, maybe save that one when I’m more equipped.”
M: “Please. If you let him operate on you once he’ll try some funky shit with you. I’ve seen my fair share of “successful operations” from this guy.”
C: “Yeah, My forehead itches ever since he stitched it up. Definitely suspect.”
T: “It’s a novel idea, but I think we’re better off coping with the fact that our fuel capacity is utter shit. Let’s just get some rest, and prepare for the next stage.”
And so, that was the end of the first stage shenanigans for Machinas Con Passione. Of course, the cat slept on the roof.

Part 3 - Fin

MCP try not to refuel every 2 seconds challenge (failed)

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holy shit another illustration wtf? WATCHIN' EVERY MOTION IN THIS FOOLISH LOVER'S GAME HAUNTED BY THE NOTION, SOMEWHERE THERE'S A LOVE IN FLAMES TURNING AND RETURNING TO SOME SECRET PLACE INSIDE WATCHIN' IN SLOW MOTION AS YOU TURN MY WAY AND SAY TAKE MY BREATH AWAY MY LOVE, TAKE MY BREATH AWAY MY LOVE, TAKE MY BREATH AWAY MY LOVE MY LOVE, TAKE MY BREATH AWAY

TEAM BLAZERS


The quiet mumbling of the late night wind softly whispered its way through the tent’s openings as Romulo lay there wide awake. He was well aware that he ought to be asleep, yet despite the long tiring day that lay behind him, he couldn’t shake something off his mind. He lifted his arm to check his watch, tapping the button to allow it to light up and show him the time. He sighed as he sat up from where he was resting and looked all around, and it looked all as though everyone around him was sleeping soundly. He wondered if because it were because of the jetlag from jumping one timezone to another, but the difference in time between the points he jumped between weren’t even that large, so that was ruled out. He decided to attempt to clear his mind first and took the blanket off himself and getting up from where he previously lay.

Pulling the keys out of his pocket, he unlocked the vehicle’s doors. He figured if he can’t go to sleep naturally, he’d try a good old technique his father had once taught him. And now speaking of his father, he couldn’t help but wonder about what his peers would think, as he had disappeared seemingly without a trace and with his car along with him. He thought about the promises pledged to him, but a bit deeper this time. Trust is indeed a difficult thing to build up, but it’s not like the people he just met weren’t that untrustworthy. Clouded with these thoughts, he took the cooler from the back of the old Yamada, and pulled out a fairly chilly can of his father’s very own favourite Red Horse, cracking it open with a good pop, and taking a swig. The strong taste filling his mouth with a distinct bittersweetness that more powered the bitterness than sweet. Not immediately feeling it, he goes for another, but only the unfeelings of the night could ever come to his head.

“Are you really just… drinking here all alone by oneself?” In the midst of soft footsteps, he heard a voice call out from behind. Not immediately able to identify it at first, he looked behind, and barely illuminated by the lampara from within the tent was Emily. Her soft, long, golden hair resting upon her shoulders and the dim green dress she was handed to by Charlotte.

“And you? Don’t feel cold with that dress?” He joked, but fortunately for him Emily was able to take it, and softly chuckled. “Oh, you jest. I have gotten used to it.” She said walking over next to him who was leaning on the faded red door of the small crossover. “Now, what must you be drinking this lonely night?” She inquired as she leaned onto the door next to him.

He looked down at the red can and chuckled. “Something extra strong.”

“Is it alcohol?”

“Mhm, want a sip? Or are you not old enough?” He said, wiping the mouth of the can and gesturing the can over to her.

“I guess I could have a sip. It’s been quite difficult getting some sleep.” She said, taking the can. She read the label closely, and it was certainly a brand she’d never heard of before. Lifting the can up to her mouth, she nipped a bit of the orange liquid from the bright red can and felt immediately the strength of the beer flow down her throat. “Mm, you’re right. It’s… quite something, alright.” She handed the can back to him. “I believe you’re a man from the Philippine Islands, aren’t you?”

“Yeah, what about it?” He nodded as he took the can back.

“I’ve always wondered about the future. How much would the passing of time affect the development of the world around us. Especially so for someone like me, responsible for the design of a new form of technology that to us, have yet to unlock their truest potentials.” She sighed as she looked above and stared deep into the night sky of this foreign world. “From what I witnessed, the world definitely seemed to have moved.”

“I’ve never asked you directly, but what year were you in prior to that time warp?”

“I believe you hadst guessed it already when you were mocking Watson, 1936.”

“1936, huh? That means, you’re… older than my grandfather.” He looked over towards her. He found it hard to believe, but with what he had seen earlier, there was no reason for him not to believe anything anymore. But it truly boggled his mind how a woman older than his very own late grandfather, could look this young and be standing right here before him.

“Have you ever ventured out of the Philippines? Isn’t it a part of the United States? I believe travelling to and from the two continents wouldn’t be too difficult. From what I have observed, flying across oceans should not be out of the realm of possibility now.” She inquired, with her hand reaching for the can of beer still in Romulo’s hand. He handed the can over and perceived the moment the mouthpiece of the can had touched her soft-looking lips, the same mouthpiece that had previously touched his own. He hadn’t thought of it the first time, but now it was really getting to him.

“So, hadst you?” She tilted her head and once again handed the can over. Romulo grounded his thoughts yet again as he thought about the situation at hand. His head blanked out a bit, and he had forgotten the question she asked of him. He wondered if the alcohol was beginning to kick in, but still his body felt cold, so that couldn’t have been the case.

“P-please repeat the question?” He reached over towards the can, but Emily snatched it away and giggled. “Looks like you’ve had too much to drink for tonight.” She said as she once again, took another sip before actually handing it over.

“I was wondering about air travel.” She said as she once again looked to the sky. “Would the labour of me and the many other aspiring students of the study of the concept of the aeroplane bear fruit to something great? Or is it another fad that wouldst disappear into the midst of the night like the many that preceded it?”

“Air travel. Well, you saw those bird-like things flying over our heads? Those are…”

“The aeroplanes of the future, aren’t they?”

“Yup. I’m not quite sure how much different things are in your era, but nowadays, planes can cross oceans going thousands of kilometres an hour and carry well over a hundred people.”

“Is that so?”

Romulo nodded. “I’ve personally never ridden on one, but… I could only dream of what it could be like. Soaring above the clouds in a comfy chair at incredible speeds. It’s really something else what we’ve been able to achieve.”

“That sounds quite splendid. I wonder how difficult it would be to take controls of an aircraft such as that. By my own estimations, an aircraft of such caliber would need at least a dozen crew members to keep it in the air, and the engines required of them must also be something else.”

“Your own estimations?”

“As an aspiring aircraft designer, these things should be second nature to me. So would be the emotion of flying in something way up above the ground into the great blue yonder.” She giggled.

He took the can of beer away from her, there was about a quarter left, and he didn’t quite remember having drank that much. “Wait a second, how much did you drink? Emily? Don’t go telling me off not to drink too much when you’re out here drinking half my can!”

Once again, she sounded a drunken giggle. “I don’t get that drunk easily, I know my limits. That is about as much as I would drink.” She bumped him with her elbow. “Well then, since we have something to do tomorrow, I might as well call it a night. Talking with one many years in the future is quite interesting, Ray. This may sound unusual to you, but I’m grateful. I’m gratefule that I once again get an opportunity to do something of my own interests. Travelling somewhere unknown instead of running through the cramped alleyways in the Italian Peninsula from the Italian Fascist Police is something far more enjoyable than I could ever hope. I look forward to many more conversations we might have on the road. Take care.”

With the final remnants of her smooth blonde hair disappearing behind the tent, Romulo sighed as he once again stared into the deep dark blue of the night sky, listening as he heard the rustling of cloth from behind him in the tent. He was at a loss for words as he stood there alone. He wasn’t sure if it was the stirring emotions within him that were presently causing this unrest within him, or if it was the calm serenity of the night playing games with him and causing the said unrest. Whatever the case was, he just wished that he would eventually find himself struggling less.

The night felt as though it would last forever at this point as he looked down on his watch. Half an hour had passed since Emily had gone to rest, and yet he was still there wide awake. He took a final sip from the near empty can and crushed it with his one hand, tossing it into a nearby plastic bag before he himself went into the tent. Emily was there, fast asleep next to the ever mysterious Princess Ga’araiya, the two looking like a mother and daughter as they intertwined in a deep sleep. Off to the other side was Charlotte and Watson, separated by a gap that he was meant to fill into, but couldn’t from his restless insomnia.

He lay back down in his sleeping area, rolled over to the side and attempted to close his eyes. The pitch-black of his eyelids did not do anything to cure the insomnia, and so he opened his eyes yet again. When he opened them, he saw right there ahead of him was Charlotte’s red and green eyes staring back at him. He was slightly startled, and Charlotte noticed this, mouthing an ‘I’m sorry’ as she tilted her head downwards and avoided eye contact with him. He breathed out with a heavy pain, he now wasn’t sure whether or not her being unable to sleep was a product of his own insomnia, or something else was just off with her. But now he rolled back to where he would face the roof of the tent, and once again stared into the triangular housing as the soft wind’s mumbling whispered its way through the night.

But Romulo’s ears had caught another, softer whisper as he felt a hand slowly drape a blanket over him. “Are you unable to sleep as well?” He turned his head over, and before him was Charlotte’s face. His own nose mere centimetres away from the tip of her snout. Staring into her very much feline eyes, he found his mind blanking out for a moment before he looked away in embarrassment. “Y-… Yeah… I assume you can’t sleep either?”

“Mm…”

The two lay there in awkward silence, around them the silent ambience of the foreign lands of Aetherii filling the particulate void of a lack of meaningful conversation. In their minds, they seemed like the only two people in the world right now, and yet the only two people couldn’t seem to figure out how to get along. Romulo looked back over, Charlotte had her head tilted back down, but she didn’t seem like she was about to sleep any time soon. A certain melancholy loomed over her face, a certain kind of loneliness that one would link to those without a single remnant of kinship still within them.

“Charlotte…” Romulo broke the silence and Charlotte lifted her head to look back up at him. “What is it?”

“Something’s wrong, isn’t there?”

Her only response was a shake of her head, and once again she looked back down with the melancholy on her countenance.

“Just, who are you… Charlotte?” He said, looking back up at the dim-lit roof of the tent. He closed his eyes and once again saw a deep darkness as the light shut itself out, and yet still he couldn’t sleep.

“I… was a Princess of a certain city-state in Crugandr, a couple thousand years in the future…” She began, and Romulo opened his eyes to look towards her. Charlotte was looking back up at him, and he saw the soft innocent look grow on her face as she continued explaining. “You might begin to recognise a pattern, unrest, the declarations of War, nationalism, massacres, the development of combat and the battlefield, and the resulting casualties of what results… Yes, it was indeed like that. Despite the royal family making it out to an allied nation, no one can escape the supple arm of death as it overreaches with the technical divinity of mass destruction.”

She moved closer to Romulo’s face, their faces separated only by her whiskers. “There’s nowhere for me to return to… I put up a facade to hide the truth that looms within.” Her tone was distressed, but still she talked softly. “I could no longer return to that land. The land ravaged by warfare and the greed of intelligence and wisdom. The reason I asked for you to join me, is purely of my own selfish desires… My desires to once again see a land I can no longer visit, my desires to once again maintain a companionship with people whom I feel I could trust.”

There was a pause as a tear streaked down her cheek and onto the pillow from which she rested her head. Romulo moved his hand to embrace her, and she leaned in as well, wrapping her arms around him and finally bursting into tears. He leaned over and whispered, “For the time being, you’re not alone. You’ve got a team with you, and war… won’t happen with us. We can manage, and we’ll get through the rally together, as a team, and as compatriots.”

“Thank you…” She said through sniffles. “I really hope nothing goes wrong… Thank you for joining the rally… really… thank you…”

They stayed like that for a few minutes until Charlotte’s tears stopped. Romulo’s arms still keeping her in a warm embrace as she buried her face into his chest, still sniffling slightly.

“Say Charlotte, how did you come to trust me, and the others at that, too?” Romulo broke the silence. Charlotte moved away and wiped her tear, and Romulo had bore witness to the soft creature’s face right before him. Her eyes barely glistening with tears as the lamp lightly shone into her red and green eyes. Slowly, her face grew back into a smile he first witnessed when he met her, but this time, Romulo felt a sense of sincerity as she began to whisper once again.

“As I said, Charlotte can read other people’s hearts!” She said with a smile as innocent as that of a young kitten, and needless to say, upon the realization of the situation he was in, his heart began to race and he felt the heat rise to his cheeks. “I-I see!” He slowly began to move his arms away from her. “I… Do you feel sleepy yet…?”

“Hmm…? My eyes do feel a bit heavy, but I don’t think I’d be able to sleep just yet… Truth be told I don’t think I’ve had a good night’s sleep in a while.” She hugged him tighter.

“Is it because of what you said earlier?”

“Mhm…”

“I see. It must’ve been that hard, huh? Not to worry, try not to think about it too much.” He said as he placed his arm back over her. He didn’t feel comfortable letting her go just yet, as to him it seemed as though she was still on edge. “Why not reminisce about your days prior to the war? Don’t you still wish you were a princess? I’d imagine it would’ve been quite great, having your own servants, dressed up in pretty dresses, meeting Prince Charming?” He suggested. Charlotte giggled at that last remark. “Prince Charming? Really? That’s such an Earthling thing to say!” She continued to giggle softly, Romulo’s ears felt blessed as he heard the soft quiet laughter next to him before she finally continued. “Some aspects of being a princess were indeed quite enjoyable. Although I was quite jealous of the common folk. The amount of freedom they had, they didn’t have to adhere to the strict moral standards of Royalty, and more importantly they were free to love whoever.”

“Love, huh? That’s the most important thing to you?”

“Of course! Most of my family thought otherwise though. That I should just marry the neighbouring city-state’s prince instead of believing in the concept of true love… How about you, Ray? Have you ever fallen in love…? A regular commoner’s love?” She looked up at him.

“Commoner’s love? Well… I guess I have… It’s really nothing special though, and I got rejected in the end. It’s nothing really major.” He yawned. Charlotte seemed to loosen her grip on him slightly. “I see… I… too wish to experience some kind of love. I was always my parent’s last choice when it came to everything, though they had a good reason.” She giggled once again. “What’s that reason?” He asked her. She had this mischievous look on her as she explained. “I was the most rebellious of my sisters… I was the most opposed to all that royal bureaucracy nonsense, but still I was educated in the ways of a Princess and that’s something that doesn’t rub off easily.”

“I guess that’s why Watson managed to quickly identify you.”

“He’s got a very keen eye for a human. Makes you wonder what he doesn’t know. Although, really anyone from Aetherii would likely be able to recognise me as royalty.” She sighed.

“Why’s that?”

“My pelt. Jet black, like that of a panther. It’s unmistakable for a royal blood like me.” She said, sliding the blanket off her shoulders which revealed her glistening black fur. “I’ve been told my whole life it’s a beautiful sheen of black, but I’m not sure if you Earthlings would think the same.”

“I personally think it’s indeed quite beautiful…” He said with a smile, and she smiled right back at him. “Thank you… I don’t think an Earthling had ever called me that before…” She moved her nose closer to Romulo’s neck, lightly touching him and getting a sniff of his scent. “Ch-Charlotte?! W-wait, aren’t you being a bit too close?”

With her snout still pressed against his nose, she asked him, “You smell of alcohol… Did you drink?”

“Y-yeah… What about it? I was trying to get some sleep, so I thought I’d drink something to try and get me sleepier…”

“I smelled the exact same scent on Emily… She got up earlier right after you did…”

“We had a drink together, that’s about it. What are you getting at here?”

“You sound like you’re being guilty, what are you being guilty for, I wonder…?” She giggled as she moved her snout more up his neck, before arriving and stopping before his chin. “And what are you interrogating me for?” Romulo loosened his grip on her and attempted to move back, but Charlotte persisted, and kept herself clung unto him. Romulo felt himself bump into something, and he realized that Watson was still there asleep next to him. A disturbed grunt sounded from his general direction, followed by some mumbled words before he felt Watson turn over and move away from him.

Charlotte couldn’t help but giggle at the minor mishap, still clinging onto Romulo. “I figured I might as well use my princess powers to get what I want…” She pulled him closer and leaned into his chest once again. “I want to stay like this for a little bit… Can you wrap your arms around me again? That was really, really comfy…”

“I guess, if that’s what you want…” He sighed as he placed her in a warm embrace, he felt his heart thump faster and his face flush slightly, but still he tried suppressing his thoughts so she wouldn’t notice.

Eventually, after being within each other’s warm embrace through the breezy night, the two had gotten the good night’s rest that they were so much desiring for the longest time. Romulo thought about this moment for a bit as he felt his eyes start to fall heavy, things about whether she’ll remember this night or she’ll go back to her happy-go-lucky personality the next day. Their eyelids slowly fell shut as they settled in their warmth and after the long rollercoaster of a day, Team Blazers could call it off and finalize ‘Zero’.



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God following Yuri always sucks kek

The Witchlight

It was smooth travel in Aphrodite. Ambay had somehow fallen asleep in the back seat, meaning Kira was awkwardly stuck poking her head through the middle of the front seats. Handfull was perched on Elist’s shoulder. Finne was trawling over the pace notes he’d had to hastily make, making sure everything was a-ok for the proper rally to start on the morrow.
“I’ll try co-ordinate my notes with another team, I’m a good sight and scent navigator, no maps in the wilderness,” Finne was speaking with a mixture of concern and joy, though his expression was firmly stuck in concentration, “If I had any idea of the terrains, I could give it a real solid guess, maybe some recon before we’re meant to leave, though no idea how legal that is.”
“Whatever you think works the best, Finne. This driving shit is still real weird, thank god we’re convoying,” Elist chirped, “I’m shocked Ambay is already out, considering he always sleeps longer than any of us.” Kira lay her hand on Elist’s unoccupied shoulder, a brief glow appearing before vanishing just as quickly.
“I don’t think we need to worry, everyone is nice enough, and you have the skills we need. Ambay is the one we should worry about.” The Lizard was unresponsive, still fast asleep.

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"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.
















With consultation and some writing from @Elizipeazie

04 March, 2022 /// 9:07 AM PDT

“Turn right! A right right here!!” Tanuki bounced in her seat frantically, pointing in a vague direction towards a clearing in the thick dry shrubbery.

Streaks of tan with accents of olive drab and varying shades of off-white darted past Mel’s peripheral vision as the yellow, red, and blue Dauer flew down uncharted gravel roads. The coupe’s nose lurched downwards as Mel leaned substantially into the brakes. She stabbed the clutch pedal, mashed the throttle once with the ball of her right heel, and pulled the shift lever from fourth into third in one smooth movement, and the midrange snarl of the boxer-6 exploded into a roar. Turning the wheel to the right and getting back on the throttle, the gravel trail slipped away from under them and gave way to a vague path of packed sand.

As the sun above rotated about the Dauer’s axis, its rear tires started to break loose. Snapping the wheel towards the left, Mel navigated the tricolor coupe through a long right-hander in a controlled drift. Jets of sand and dust were tossed sky-high by the rear wheels as she coaxed the car back into submission.

“I see them!” Tanuki chirped. “We made it! Hurry up, Mel!” Indeed, after a gentle left-hand turn, a massive flat clearing in the desert seemed to open up right before them. At least a dozen vehicles, fifteen to be exact, were parked in random empty patches devoid of prickly, dead flora. Various articles of camping equipment including tents and portable BBQ tables were strung out, about, and in between, but what really surprised Mel was the people… rather, things… she saw. Bipedal canids and felines, some normally sized, some gargantuan and built like brick shithouses. A centaur. Lizard man. A catgirl and a child with more white hair than her own father. Swedish hillbillies. She’d heard of them in many bedtime stories from childhood or maybe the odd DnD campaign her friends would beg her to try. But seeing them in person left her absolutely dumbfounded, and all higher brain functions failed her. This was no time for mind-breaking scientific discoveries or sanity-questioning, however, and she redirected her attention to more pressing matters.

Out of all the possible empty spots she saw, Mel located a vacant spot between a white wedge-shaped van with a giant “1” plastered on its side and a beat-up, boxy, orange liftback sedan. Navigating through some inexplicable train of thought, she decided that this was the best possible place to park. The Dauer roared over bumpy terrain and made a beeline straight for the two seemingly empty cars. Mel grabbed the handbrake and yanked it upwards as she sharply steered left before immediately countersteering to the right, and again the German coupe entered a drift at a steep angle. Plumes of dirt thirty feet in length shot out from the spinning tires, sandblasting the minivan and the liftback, including its interior and the unfortunate occupant inside.

“Come on, Mel, we’re late!” Tanuki shouted, pushing her door open and bolting towards the crowd gathered before an eight foot tall giant of a… two-headed wolf.

“WAIT!” Mel called out to Tanuki, who was already halfway towards the driver’s meeting. With a turn of the key, the boxer engine gently rumbled to a standstill and the minute vibrations transmitted through the steering wheel faded away. Mel pushed her door open and was immediately welcomed with angry shouts from the owners of the orange liftback, freshly caked with dirt and sand. “Oh, fuck me…” she mumbled to herself, before shouting multiple variations of “sorry!” back at them as she caught up with Tanuki.

As the brief meeting progressed, Mel found her confusion growing more and more profound by the second. Location-tracking rings capable of teleportation that could automatically translate languages into the wearer’s native tongue? Casting spells? A gateway? Why did they mention Earth specifically? Just as she was barely starting to make sense of what was truly happening, the meeting was already over, and the teams were dismissed.

“Tanuki.” Mel’s stern voice caught the attention of miss twin tails, who turned to face her and tilted her head.

“Yes?”

“I demand an explanation! What in the bloody hell did you sign us up for? You wanted me to escort you somewhere… Crug… whatever, correct? So what’s the deal with these lunatics going on about magic spells and teleportation? And why…” she bent over, her voice growing softer as she whispered in Tanuki’s ear, “… the hell are there talking cats? This isn’t a furcon, is it?”

Tanuki snickered, and again came that stupid laugh. “AHA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! BAKA!” She smacked Mel across the back of her head. “The world is a far stranger place than you’d like to think, Mera - Melanie! But I’m not your teacher taking you on a little field trip. I don’t have time to explain everything to you!”

“Oh, come on now!” Mel groaned, sinking her face into her hands. “You brought me into this mess. I didn’t have a choice! I have every right to know what’s going on!” She crossed her arms and stared down at Tanuki, standing nearly 10 centimeters over her. But even with this considerable disparity in height, she didn’t budge in the slightest.

“Stay by the Black Rabbit’s side, and it’ll take you in,” Tanuki swore. She gave Mel a single pat on the head, causing her to recoil in surprise. “Just do as I say, Mel! Maybe you’ll survive and make it through! AHA HA HA HA HA HA HA!”

“Alright, fine.” Mel reached out and handed the registration papers to Tanuki. “I’m going to check on the orange car to make sure I didn’t bury its crew alive, poor bastards.”

“You go do that, I’ll get us checked in!” Tanuki took the papers from Mel, who quickly broke off and chased after the orange liftback’s crew. The spirited war criminal suddenly found herself alone, as the other teams had already returned to their vehicles to catch some rest or take inventory one last time. She spun around looking for the two-headed werewolf and quickly noticed him approaching the Dauer, hurriedly running over.

She knew Malavera was a giant compared to humans, but she didn’t get a true bearing of his size until she was standing next to him. He absolutely towered over Tanuki, the vertical distance between the top of their heads being just under 3 feet. They briefly exchanged greetings, Tanuki being unusually quiet and more polite than usual, even bowing slightly.

Tanuki looked down at the various insurance and liability papers, injury and personal loss waivers, and other assorted documents for Mel and herself, respectively. When she was filling her own forms out, there were countless queries she struggled to complete and some that she left outright blank. She was a nomad with nowhere to call home, a stranger with nobody to call her family. A merciless extremist who knew no other way to achieve her goals but deception and violence. Would this rally solve any of those? What was it that she was truly looking for? Would she find the answer here? This period of deep introspection was short-lived; Tanuki snapped back to reality after realizing Malavera was waiting for her, and passed the papers to him.

A minute passed, and Malavera finished reading both of their documents. He produced a registration sticker and handed it to Tanuki. “T- thank you…” she bowed slightly as she accepted the sticker with both hands from the towering, two-headed werewolf, who simply nodded in acknowledgement. The ground rumbled under her feet as he walked off towards the next tardy team and she watched in awe, running her thumbs over the sticker. SHITBOX RALLY ‘22 was emblazoned across the sticker in bold letters that sparkled in the morning desert sun. This rally would only be a “vacation” for her, but maybe she could find answers as well.

“Ugh!” Mel’s voice caught Tanuki by surprise, who yelped and jumped slightly. “Those guys in the liftback were pissed off! I’m gonna help them clean out some of the sand later, they’re busy for now.” Noticing Tanuki’s reaction, she changed her tone of voice, fearing what would come next. “Oh, have I startled you?”

“Ahah, not at all! I was just zoning out for a second,” Tanuki scoffed, brushing her bangs out of her face. She presented the sticker to Mel with an outstretched hand, holding it right in front of her face. “Look at this! Black Rabbit Corp. is now an official privateer rally team! I must admit, I’m impressed with your work, Mel!”

“Yea, sure thing,” Mel said halfheartedly, “but it’s not like I had much of a choice. Anyways, I need your help. I noticed some teams are forming alliances with one another. If we want a real shot at winning this or even just staying alive, we’ve got to do the same! Who knows what we’ll encounter along the way. I’ve lived most of my life in Australia where every other critter you see tries to kill you, but what if it’s worse over there? We’ve got to be ready for anything, and forming an alliance will prepare for the worst!”

“The hell would I do that for?” Tanuki shot back, frowning and crossing her arms. “I didn’t get this far relying on others to save my ass! Split-second decisions can make the difference between life and death, and if some little brat slowed me down, I cut them off! I’m not putting my life in the hands of probability or anyone else for that matter, especially these people!”

“Look Tanuki, would you rather apologize to those poor bastards I buried in sand yourself or help me find another team?” Mel snapped. “You heard what… what’s that two-headed wolf’s name?”

“Malavera! Weren’t you even paying attention?”

“What Malavera said! Our vehicle can only get us so far through rough terrain because it’s only 2WD. We need to find someone… anyone with a 4WD vehicle that’ll be able to unfuck us if we get bogged down!”

Tanuki’s eyebrows wrinkled as she scowled. Whatever expression of annoyance or anger she wore was hidden behind her sunglasses and mask, but Mel could still feel the pressure as if it exuded from her body. “And how do you know they’re not going to backstab us?” Tanuki countered almost instantly, the confidence in her voice equalling that of her stance. “How do you know they won’t magically disappear whenever we need them the most? How can you guarantee they won’t sabotage us, steal from us, harvest our kidneys and sell them to discount Chinese surgeons? There’s a saying in my line of work, Mel. The instant you trust someone else is the instant you stop trusting yourself.”

“Look, if it’s every man for himself, nobody is going to last more than a second out there. No amount of firepower or magic is going to change that. We need to look out for one another! Unless~, of course, you don’t mind getting caught in a bingle and are forced to use this little teleportation ring. Poof! Right back to the very hellhole you’re trying to escape from. And besides,” Mel added with a smirk, “not everyone here is a mad warmonger like yourself.”

Tanuki insisted on remaining independent and was very stubborn about doing so, but she wasn’t stupid. She spent some moments in silence, entwined deeply in thought, then communicated her final decision. “Alright, fine then. But if anyone shows so much as a sign of weakness… if anyone starts dragging us down…! Then it’s over!”

04 March, 2022 /// 9 Sun LJT

The strange Crugandr night was dimly lit and pleasantly cool, but not overbearingly chilly to the point that longer, thicker tops and bottoms would be required. Mel was especially thankful of this fact since she was still wearing her short shorts in response to the sweltering Nevadan climate from when the rally first started. Traipsing over lush alien overgrowth that brushed against her mostly-bare legs and maneuvering between monumental husks of textured wood, she finally came upon a new clearing in the campsite. There sat the odd liftback sedan from before, and now she could get a much better up-close view of it.

The orange paint, probably far more vibrant when it was purchased new in a bygone era, had lost its luster to the unforgiving decades and was now a dull shade of its former glory. It chipped at the fenders and scratched at the bumpers, but given its age, it was as if each one had its own story to tell. Not a single headlight glass was left intact; if they weren’t cracked, they were significantly fogged up, almost as bad as the plastic headlights of 2000s cars. And yet even with the slightly sagging rear suspension and the rust eating away at the rocker panels, it still stood dormant. It was a constant that remained intact amidst countless years of harsh mixed climates.

“Greetings, stranger,” an unknown male voice suddenly spoke.

“Fuck me!” Mel screamed and leapt back, throwing her arms up in a defensive stance and taking two full strides in reverse. Her eyes darted around and swung around with her head as it scanned the immediate area around her. The unexpected voice was unusually nonchalant and could have bored Mel to death if she had heard it in literally any other situation, but its suddenness and proximity caught her completely off-guard. Her eyes settled on the speaker who uttered it, a rather inconspicuous-looking man a fair bit taller than herself. “Jesus! Where the hell did you come from?”

“Ms. Melanie Lyon,” the man said. Mel noticed a halo-shaped LED light mounted on his temple, which momentarily glowed and pulsed in a yellow color before it turned into a constant shade of cyan. “May I inquire as to why you are here?”

“Wait, how the hell did you know that?” Mel glared at the man, who remained expressionless, and crossed her arms. “Just who are you, anyways?”

“My name is Connor,” the man replied calmly. “As I specialize in aiding law enforcement and criminal investigation activities, I have automated facial and vocal identification and recognition capabilities. In addition, I am able to perform a database sweep of criminal records using these parameters.”

“CONNOR!” a new voice shouted from behind the orange liftback, and both Connor and Mel looked in its direction. A second man in a very casual attire appeared, briskly walking over to the two of them with a giant socket wrench in his hand. He stopped beside Connor and gave him a good, solid pat on the back. “What did I say about scaring people?”

“My apologies, Tim,” Connor said calmly, then turned from him and faced Mel. “I must apologize to you as well for scaring you.” Mel was still slightly suspicious of him, but she could strangely feel some element of innocence from him after hearing his apology. With how unassuming he looked, she was almost sorry for being so cross with him just moments before.

“Hey, go check on Valentin. When he’s finished with his dinner, ask him if he can have a look at that AC fan again. We don’t want to be sweating our balls off later.” With this command, Connor headed back to the car and started conversing with a third figure that sat in front of the campfire who was having a meal. The wrench-bearing man faced Mel and smiled. “I see you’ve met Connor, our beloved team baby.”

“Quite the character he is,” Mel remarked in amusement. “How did he do that, the analysis? He said something about facial recognition, but I don’t see how he could’ve done any of that.”

“Oh, yeah. He’s an android made to help cops, so he has a bunch of scanners and stuff built in.” The man gestured to his head, tapping his temples. “I guess he saw you as a potential threat until he flagged you as a cop. Does that answer your question?”

“Not in the slightest.” Mel watched Connor as he wandered around the campsite. First talking dogs and cats, and now androids; she’d truly seen everything. “By the way, I didn’t have the chance to get your name earlier.”

“The name’s Tim. Tim Redwood.” He reached out with his vacant hand. “I never thought you’d actually come… ”

“… Melanie. But call me Mel,” she smiled, gently shaking Tim’s hand. “I’m a woman of my word. Where’s the rest of your team?”

“Over here. Come, I’ll introduce you.” Tim motioned Mel to follow him with his freed hand, and the two of them walked towards the orange liftback. “You’ve already met Connor here, but I’m not sure if you met Valentin yet. HEY!” He slapped the hood with a loud bang, catching the attention of this ‘Valentin’ peacefully having his dinner beside the campfire. “It’s her.”

“What? Oh, okay.” Mel heard a slight accent from his voice, something Scandinavian. She was immediately taken back when she saw him stand up and rise to his full height, finding herself having to lean back just to make eye contact with him. Fair-skinned and very lanky, perhaps his most impressive feature was his hair of prodigious length that was almost as tall as Tanuki.

“Mel, this is Valentin, and Valentin, this is Mel,” Tim introduced. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a meal to finish. Also, where’s Constantin…?”

“So you were driving that tricked-out rally car earlier,” Valentin said, recalling the events that transpired hours ago.

“Yeah, that’s me.” Mel nodded, then briefly hung her head in shame. “Listen, I’m really sorry about what happened earlier. I was in a hurry and didn’t want to be late to the meeting!”

“Ah, no hard feelings,” Valentin smiled. “I hope our future correspondences will be peaceful and amiable. Though the inside of our car is still quite sandy. I managed to get most of it out of my hair, thankfully.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Mel said. “After the meeting, I promised to Tim I’d come back and help you guys clean your ride out. It’s the least I can do. That’s why I brought this.” She held up her toolbox, which contained numerous socket, crescent, and allen wrenches in metric and imperial sizes.

“Well, how very nice of you. I’ve just finished my dinner, so shall we get started?” Valentin asked, opening the rear starboard door of the liftback. Mel peered inside and could instantly see the extent of the damage caused by her little drift entry earlier. A thick layer of sand coated nearly every carpeted surface, from the floor mats to the fabric padding of the rear bench seat. It was as if someone had driven through a sand dune then left all the windows down in the middle of a sandstorm. Sitting on the rear bench seat was an absolute unit of a man wearing a lövhögen-pattern BDU and boots caked in dried sand and mud. He was almost as tall as Valentin and shared his complexion, hair color, and eyes, but the greatest difference was that he was built like a brick shithouse. His shoulders spanned almost half the width of the entire bench seat, and the shape of his jaw and face in general made him look like a toned-down Swedish derivative of gigachad.

“Hey! I’m trying to eat here!” he frowned at Valentin, but instantly relaxed his gaze as soon as he saw Mel. “Oh, hello. Who might you be?”

“There you are,” Valentin chuckled. “Tim was looking for you earlier! Constantin, this is Mel, the driver of that sports car I told you about. Mel, this is Constantin. Don’t be scared by his getup, he looks hardcore but in reality he’s one of the nicest guys I’ve ever known!”

“Well, hello Mel,” Constantin reached out to shake Mel’s hand with a firm grip, which she returned with a similar tightness, to his surprise. “Good meeting you.”

“You’re a big guy,” Mel commented, respectfully eyeing his physique. As Constantin stood next to Valentin, she started to notice minute patterns and similarities between them manifesting, most notably in their upper facial structures. “Wait a moment, are the two of you siblings? Cousins, maybe?”

“What, just because we’re Swedes you think we’re related?” Constantin laughed heartily.

“Well, your eyes look similar to one another. Maybe the hair too. By the way, Valentin, I used to have my hair super long like yours back in primary school,” Mel reminisced, brushing her bangs out of her face. “It was too much of a hassle to wash, and besides, this is the longest the department’ll let me keep it. It looks good on you, though!”

“Why, thank you,” Valentin smiled. “Yes, it does require quite a bit of care to maintain. Anyways, let’s get started!”

With the painful exchange of formalities over, Mel and the team of the orange liftback could finally get to work in cleaning their sand-filled interior. Pulling out the carpets and floormats was easy enough, and merely giving them a few rigorous shakes and smacks against the tree trunks was sufficient in removing most of the loose sand.

Cleaning the rear bench seat was a slightly more involved task, as beating the fabric wasn’t enough to remove the sand. Mel and Constantin had to undo the four bolts holding it to the bare floorpan with socket wrenches, two of which were stripped and required brute force with a crescent adjustable wrench. Finally, after liberal amounts of swears were spouted from Mel’s and Constatin’s mouths, the bolts came off and the bench seat came loose.

“Valentin!” Constantin called from the port side, holding up his end of the bench seat. “Go help Mel carry the seat out.”

“No, no, I’ll be fine!” Mel lifted up the right side of the girthy, generously-padded bench seat effortlessly. To remove it from the vehicle, she pushed her end and walked across the inside towards Constantin, who pulled it out of the door opening. From there, they could clean out the rest of the sand on the inside and lean the rear bench seat on its side to easily remove whatever trace of dirt would be left between the cushions, again by beating them into submission.

Eventually, Mel and the rest of Tim’s team managed to remove most of the Nevadan dirt and sand that had been thrown inside by her drift maneuver during the first drivers’ meeting. “So, what do you think?” Tim asked the Australian detective as she dusted her hands off and reorganized her toolbox.

“You all seem like a nice buncha mates.” Mel looked up at the young American. Constantin was finishing up his meal, Valentin was shining a flashlight in the engine bay and attempting to troubleshoot the aircon issue, and Connor sat beside the campfire in deep contemplation. “Connor is… quite interesting. He’d be a big help in my line of work.”

“They’re a real bunch of bastards alright,” Tim agreed as he sat beside Mel on the trunk, ducking beneath the tailgate, “but they’re my bastards. I was talking about our car, though. You do know what it is, right?”

“Of course! An eighth-gen Anhultz Dione liftback, it was my mum’s first car and she kept it through most of my childhood. It was a total shitbox, of course, but it never died on her and we could always count on it.” She brought her legs up and sat criss cross, leaning against the rear side window. “Just sitting in here takes me back! I’m surprised there isn’t a V8 under the bonnet though, don’t you yanks like doing that to these?”

“Hah, the thought has crossed my mind a few times,” Tim conceded with a chuckle. “We actually just got this car recently. I had one just like it, but it broke down and traded it in for this less-broken one. But I was always afraid of fucking it up, so I decided to keep the engine stock.”

“It’s a solid car nonetheless,” Mel said as she closed her toolbox shut. “A little rough around the edges, but I would definitely count on it for a rally such as this!”

“I wasn’t able to get a good look at your team’s car earlier. It’s a German car, right?”

“Yeah, an ‘85 Dauer 632 S. The old man’s always wanted one, so after many months of searching I finally found one here and bought it. It’s Dauer’s first front-engine sports car, and although the handling isn’t as good as their rear-mounted models, it’s still absolutely bonkers to drive!”

“Heh, our cars are pretty much polar opposites. We’ve got the slow reliable shitbox, you have the fast unreliable one. Though I’ve heard Dauer engines are pretty reliable, no?”

“The motor is reliable, yes… for an 80s Dauer. It’s still one of their first fully-aluminium engines, and while they certainly learned some lessons from the 70s, it still likes to shit out head gaskets every once in a while.”

There was a period of unbroken silence for some time, and the two of them found their eyes inevitably drawn to the foreign night sky that slowly rotated over their heads.

“Hey Mel?” Tim looked towards Mel, his expression now serious. “Thanks for helping. I really mean it.”

“Yeah, of course!” Mel smiled.

“After this rally… when all is said and done… I’ll get this piece of shit fixed up, and I’m thinking maybe I could take you on a ride somewhere. You down?”

“Oh?” Mel turned towards Tim, surprised by this proposal that came out of the blue. Her initial expression of surprise turned into a smug grin. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself, Redwood. After all, we still need to make it out of here… that is, if one of these giant felines doesn’t make us their supper first.”

“Right, for sure! No worries…” Tim said with a trace amount of dejection in his voice.

It wasn’t very obvious, but Mel could still notice his shoulders slump and his head hand slightly, as if in defeat.

“I’ll think about it,” she said. The corners of her mouth betrayed her cool, collected projection as they started to curl upwards.

“Hey, by the way, where’s the rest of your team?” Tim asked.

As if on cue, Valentin knocked on the tailgate glass and bent down. “Uh, guys?” he said, looking inside to see a very surprised Tim and Mel. “Oh. Hate to ruin the moment, but I think someone’s looking for you, Mel.”

Mel leaned outside and saw Tanuki conversing with Connor and Constantin close by, the two of them very cautiously escorting her towards the Dione. Her bouncy steps made her braided twintails swing rhythmically and the strap of the HK416 slung across her back bite into her shoulders. She saw Mel’s head full of platinum-blonde hair peeking out and started waving enthusiastically. “My beloved driver! Come on, we need to prepare for the next stage! Finished helping your friends here?”

“Wait, she’s your teammate?” Valentin and Tim simultaneously asked, looking at Mel incredulously. Constantin came over and whispered something into Tim’s ear. The smile on his face was gone as he looked at Tanuki, then at Mel, then back at the masked face.

“Yes! Everyone, this is my… navigator, Tanuki,” Mel said, carefully setting her legs on the ground to avoid getting pins and needles and standing up besides her teammate. “Well, you heard the boss. It looks like my job here is done, and it was a pleasure meeting you all!”

“Boss?” Tim, Valentin, and Constantin glanced at each other, sharing a profound mutual confusion.

Both parties bid their farewells without much incident or drama, for the night had already matured substantially and it was time to prepare for the next stage. Mel and Tanuki walked together through the dense undergrowth back to their site, consisting of the brightly-colored Dauer 632 S and a dying campfire. “So, what do you think?” Mel asked. Tanuki cocked her head sideways towards Mel, then looked skywards with eyes lost in thought. “That wasn’t so bad, was it?”

“Hmph!” She crossed her arms and scoffed. “They seem harmless for now. Their little robot helper and that Constantin guy are impressive, but they’ve yet to prove themselves. I’d like to see how they handle this upcoming stage! Then we’ll talk.”

“Yeah, alright…” Mel sighed and buried her hands in her pockets. “We should clean up our site before going to sleep. Make sure everything’s packed up so we can just get up and leave without wasting time picking up after ourselves.”

After repacking all of their supplies and equipment for the night, Melanie and Tanuki finally brought their very long day to a conclusion. After putting out the campfire, they clambered awkwardly into the Dauer’s cramped hatch and fell soundly asleep.

















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