Cool Wall Three: Not Cool (Complete!)

First of all, acknowledgements are due to @Edsel and @Knugcab for this challenge and this one. The cool wall idea is simply marvellous, so I have decided to copy it and continue on. What’s this one? It’s a car for a hipster, simple as that… Well, not exactly simple. Here, we will have not one but two walls. One for how cool a car is, but also one for how mainstream it is. Our buyer wants a cool car, but not a mainstream one. Got that? Great.

Also, make sure to read all the dropdowns, as there is at least one thing impacting points in each.

Timeline of the challenge
  • A completely unrestricted period on suggestions for the walls will run from now until 11:50 PM UTC on the 28th of February. The walls will start completely empty, and no cars will be placed during this period. People will have an unlimited number of requests.
  • After this period, the wall will be posted, and up to five requests may be made.
  • The challenge will be open for rules consultation until 11:59 PM UTC on the 2nd of March. Until that time, I reserve the right to change any and all aspects of the challenge - in particular, the calculator may be adjusted to include additional stats.
  • The challenge will close at 11:59 UTC on the 25th of March. This is many days later than originally, due to issues with the wall.
The Buyer - The Basics

The year is 2020. Our buyer is Dominic, a freelance cinema journalist living in Portland, Oregon. He enjoys fixed-gear bicycles, single-origin coffee, craft beer and vinyl records. He wears skinny jeans, plaid shirts and tees for brands that no longer exist. He has an “ironic” moustache and beard, like countless other hipsters in the city. And, currently, he needs a new car. Badly. His current car is a Toyota Camry he got from his parents. He parks it a street away from his house. He parks it a street away from whatever cafes and concerts he goes to. He doesn’t give anyone lifts. Why? Because it’s mainstream. Because there are dozens of others like it on the street. He’s needed one for a while, but he recently managed to get some money writing reviews for a larger publication, so he can afford a new car.

The Buyer - General Wants

So, what does he want? There are two main cornerstones of the hipster psyche.

Point one: Authenticity. Hipsters want something real, something sincere - whether that’s actually something real, or the appropriation and culture jamming of another brand. They want to feel like they have something that means something, something that makes a statement… Without seeming like it’s trying too hard. Making a statement is cool, trying to make a statement isn’t. This is the closest it comes to traditional “cool”.

Point two: Uniqueness. Are you really making a statement if everyone else is making the same statement? Sure, your supercar may be cool, but it’s normal, banal, mundane. Everyone aspires to it. Hipsters want to make something cool, even though nobody else thinks it is. Hipsters don’t want to see another car like theirs in the parking lot.

Let’s run through some more normal wants though, shall we? These are all summed down later, but they’re worth exploring.

  • Dominic enjoys vintage items, like his old records and his bike. That doesn’t mean he will turn down something made in the 90s, or even the 00s - after all, cohesion makes it look like you put in effort, and putting in effort for your style isn’t cool. He will look at cars from just about any age… If they are within his price range. More on that later.
  • Dominic’s current car, as stated above, is an old Camry. Specifically, it’s a manual one. That means he knows how to drive stick, and he is used to having a reliable, dependable car he doesn’t need to put effort into servicing.
  • Dominic has a lot of friends, and would like to be able to give them lifts to and from events - the one thing he can’t do with his existing car. He’d also like to be able to transport his bike around, maybe even some luggage when he goes to music festivals.
  • Dominic lives in the middle of the city. A massive car will be hard to park, and impractical.
  • Despite plenty of frivolous spending, Dominic is relatively good with his money. He will be considering both the purchase price and the total cost over five years.

As for body types - Dominic has no strong preferences, but some types have their pitfalls.

  • Van, Pickup - Be careful they don’t feel like ordinary workers’ cars. A plain white Ford Transit doesn’t earn any cool points. It’s mainstream, and bland. This is especially pronounced for pickups, but vans are more viable.
  • SUV, Wagon, MPV - Be careful they don’t feel too much like average family cars. Family cars equal suburbia, suburbia is inauthentic and common.
  • Coupe, Convertible - These cars are definitely cool, but are they “uncool cool”? If your car is what people think of when they picture “cool car”, or "cool car from ", you may not get too many points.
  • Hatchback, Sedan - These are some of the most common cars. If your car looks mainstream and like the Camry he already has, again, not a good idea. If it’s a quirky little hatch or a character-filled old sedan, go for it.
Important Rules Aspects
  • This challenge will be run in 4.2.
  • Name your models and families “CW3 - YourForumName”, and submit via discourse PMs.
  • As noted in the timeline, I will be separating the wall submissions into an unrestricted period with unlimited submissions but with placements coming after the period, and a normal period with 5 placements on the wall. For some cars, I will take extra time explaining; others will just go on the wall.
  • Model and trim year are completely unrestricted. Yep, no year limits at all, so go wild. Do note, however, that you really, really need a good reason why your model has been in production for 30 years. Be sensible. Also, it will be incredibly hard to get a new car that
  • Both engine family and variant years must not be newer than the trim. Having it be newer than the model is fine, that happens with mid-lifetime facelifts all the time. Having it be older than the trim is fine too, sometimes they update chassis but not engine. Newer than the trim means someone has swapped it, which is not good here.
  • Maximum used price of 4000, as calculated here.
  • On the calculator, you will notice a “wear” option. This is a number between 0 and 1, which shows what sort of condition the car is in. A higher wear number translates to a worse condition (but a lower price). Please note that high wear on a high-reliability, low-prestige car will be looked on more favourably than high wear on a low-reliability, high-prestige car. The minimum wear field represents how much wear you can have before the car is affordable. If this is negative, it means you can use any level and have the car be legal. I will only accept wear values rounded to the nearest 0.05.
  • Be careful with your wear. A car that looks like it’s been stored in a warehouse its whole life has less character - but a rusted out shell is barely a car.
  • Three types of fuel are available. I’m using Early 2017’s average prices, because of competitive balance reasons. The types are Regular (0.675 per litre, 91 RON), Mid-Grade (0.715 per litre, 95 RON) and Premium (0.755 per litre, 98 RON). Dominic only puts the manufacturer-recommended fuel in his car, so tuning for a lower RON can help you here.
  • Some people have asked about how I will handle leaded fuel. Honestly I forgot about it, so… Leaded fuel can be used. Luckily, a quick google search reveals that you’re probably fine to run unleaded fuel in a leaded engine, so… Feel free to use 92 RON tuned for 91 (which will make him buy 91), 98 RON tuned for 95 (which will make him buy 95), or 98 RON (which will make him buy… you know, 98). If your engine is tuned for a RON above the fuel’s rating, expect issues with wear and reliability. If you tune for a RON below the available fuels, Dominic will use the next higher available fuel.
  • 3D interiors are not required. However, they may make certain points easier to get.
  • The various point elements will mostly award positive or negative points, except where otherwise noted. Most scores will be done on a curve similar to the previous challenges, but it will depend on more than two cars.
The Big Two - 20 Points Each

Hipsterdom is arguably all about style over substance. So, the two positions on the cool wall will both provide 20 points.

Important Stats - 15 Points Each
  • Value - both initial price and 5-year total costs. Dominic expects to drive 16 thousand km per year, on average, and will be paying for service. Your service costs will be multiplied by 1+wear - so be careful.
  • Drivability - this is a commuter. Dominic wants something to get from A to B, without a ton of effort. If it’s easy to drive, that’s a plus.
  • Comfort - going along with this, it’s always nice to have a car that doesn’t hurt to drive.
  • Prestige - having a car that screams “I’m better than you, and my car is weird” is just what a vain hipster wants.
  • Practicality - a car that works for his lifestyle is just what he needs. Make it practical and sensible, even if it’s showy. He is coming from a Camry, after all.
Minor Stats - 5-10 Points Each
  • Reliability (10 points) - Dominic does have a bike, but being able to use his car when he wants is nice. Please note that you will lose a portion of your reliability based on a combination of your ET (starts around 100), wear and prestige (starts around 50).
  • Emissions (5 points) - plenty of Dominic’s friends are environmentalists, so having a car that isn’t awful for the planet is nice.
  • Range (5 points) - fuel economy is already covered by value, but range is a separate stat. Your fuel tank size will be determined by assuming 3 litres per square meter of footprint, and 0.02 litres per kilogram. Range is determined by multiplying your mileage in km/l by your fuel tank capacity.
  • The hidden criteria - yup, it’s a surprise. This is only negative (or zero) and does not operate on a curve. Just try to think of what objective in-game stat could be considered here. Hint: I don’t think it’s been used before.
  • The hidden tests. These are fairly simple pass/fail elements, based on the fluff, and are worth up to a total of six points and only give points.
  • Going into tag mode and tagging your car with “CW3” is worth half a bonus point. Not posting an advert will incur a 4 point penalty.
  • Being black, white or silver will cost two points, due to how common they are.
  • I reserve the right to subtract points due to unrealistic engineering, or very high/low wear scores.
Some Examples Of The Wall

Yes, I said the wall would start empty, but I do want to walk through some examples. Let’s start with the obvious one, shall we?

The Toyota Camry is the lowest of the low, on both axes. It’s not cool, and it’s horrendously mainstream. -20 in both aspects, moving on.

The Vector W8 helps illustrate two things. First of all, it’s nice and obscure, definitely unique. Secondly, it shows how cool has a different meaning here. It’s conventional cool… but it’s “just” another supercar, an expensive symbol of consumerism. Good obscurity, bad authenticity.

The Suzuki Cappuccino. It’s small and it’s quirky. Sure, it has a little mainstream cool, but it does fairly well in both.

Supercars are wedge-shaped. Vans are wedge-shaped. Ergo, this Hiace is a supercar. It’s uncommon and recognisable enough to count as obscure, and its uncoolness circles around to be ironically cool - but a tad commercial. Similar overall to the cappuccino, from a radically different direction.

“No, it’s actually totally cool. It’s cube-shaped, so Nissan called it the cube.” Ironic cool, and you don’t see many. This is a better Hiace… If you can get it into the budget in the right year.

It’s weird. It’s quirky. It’s authentic… and you have no idea what it is. It’s the Citroen Ami 6 Berline, a car made for urban Parisians - a hipster car, even brand new. This wins both walls, if you can find one.

The Wall, and Comments

The definitive version of the wall will always be this sheet. However, visual versions are available of the authenticity and obscurity wall. Where there is a difference between the two, the spreadsheet will take precedence.

Now, several cars have notes. These fall into several broad categories.

  • Not a production car. Yes, your busses, concept cars, carts and helicopters are a fun idea, but I do not want to place those, as they aren’t what this is all about. Those have been binned.
  • Cars with reputations. For certain cars, their reputation precedes them. Everyone knows the Kombi and the Mustang as an iconic car, which hurts it for the hipster. Everyone knows that the Aztek sucks and was used by a certain drug dealing teacher, which also hurts. Everyone knows the PT Cruiser is for old people, which kills the car. For these cars, the first number represents the car as it is known, while the second represents the car as it would be if submitted, with no reputation. The second number is what determines placement on the Miro.
  • Sports cars and modded cars. Ultimately, these are cool because everyone else says they’re cool. It doesn’t matter if nobody knows what the car is - everyone knows why they should think it’s cool, which isn’t what hipsters want.
Changelog

4/03/22 update:

  • Major points are now worth 15 points, minor points can range from 5 to 10.
  • Environmental resistance no longer counts. Turns out Portland doesn’t salt its roads.
  • Practicality is now a major point.
  • Reliability is a 10-point minor.
  • Range is a 5-point minor.
  • A potential penalty has been added.

Rules are now set, entries are open, but wall suggestions are not. The closing date for submissions will be adjusted to reflect this.

8/03/22 Update:

  • Miro boards are available.
  • The closing date has been pushed back 4 days due to the wall delay.
  • Comments on edge cases for the wall have been posted.

9/03/22 Update:

  • Leaded fuel rules addition.
8 Likes

ok and I win.
VW Camper T1

I could understand being too mainstream, but is it. really. The only reason you see them in the first place is because of hippies.

5 Likes

If anyone is looking for some additional inspiration on the kind of hipster bait you can find parked around Portland Oregon, check out oldparkedcars.com

It’s not as active as it was in its zenith in the early 10s, but it’s a photoblog of a man in Portland taking photos of the interesting and unusual cars seen street parked in and around Portland.

1 Like

You gotta have some wood panelled wagons on that wall. They ooze ironic hipster cool.image
Chevrolet station wagon (1948).


Ford Country Squire.

Buick Roadmaster.

3 Likes


My first suggestion: Nissan Gloria A30 wagon

4 Likes

Can I suggest the Volvo 740 Estate?
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Also, what is tag mode?

3 Likes

Looks like this round is going to be as interesting as the first 2. Here are my first suggestions:

1968 Citroen Mehari:

1967 Dodge Deora:

2 Likes

toyota previa?
le mid engined supercar

2 Likes

The idea of this existing causes me pain

Anyway, the idea of having 2 walls seems pretty interesting! I am having trouble understanding the “wear” mechanic, though. Do we decide how “worn” our car is for cost, or does it mean something else?

Also, some wacky wall suggestions:

1983 DeLorean DMC-12

1985 International S-Series School Bus
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1979 Renault LeCar

1982 Checker Marathon

1961 Meadows Friskysport

3 Likes

5 per person or 5 in total?

per person

1 Like

Fell asleep typing? :slight_smile:

Last two requests: Kei vans!


Daihatsu Hijet.

Suzuki Carry.

1 Like

I have one request for the cool wall: 1987 AMC Eagle wagon

4 Likes

Here’s 5:


Barkas B1000


Wartburg 313 Sportcoupe


Zaporozhets ZAZ-968


AMC Pacer Wagon


Daihatsu Midget

4 Likes

my takes for the wall:

Audi 100 C2 Avant (Sold in the US as the Audi 5000)

Morris/ Austin Mini Wagon

VW K70

the other two i am saving for when i have something else spring up

2 Likes

is AWD or 2WD preffered? Also, how weird is too weird?

Better take advantage of this

I do apologize for length; if this isn’t allowed I will get rid of it.

E30, E36, and E90 M3
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E39 and E61 M5
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E38 and E66 pre facelift 7 series
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North American Honda Odyssey RL1 and RL4 Generations
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Volvo 240

Volvo 850

Volvo V70R (Second Generation)
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Audi Sport Quattro
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Volvo S90 (long wheel base)

Volvo V90
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Volvo V60 Polestar Engineered

Audi RS2

VW California
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VW Type 2 (T3 Generation)
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Lancia Delta Intergrale

Polestar 1 and 2
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3 Likes

On today’s episode of “Australian can’t get his mind away from utes”, I continue to insist on trying to make these things viable for a cool wall challenge.

Subaru Brumby/BRAT

Proton Jumbuck
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And a complete wildcard, the Smart Forfour

6 Likes