Voyage of Vehicular Waste (RP Challenge)

bulba · 11 December 2025 18:09

better late than never

NATURAL STUPIDITY AND TWO STOOGES

In a restaurant in Coimbra, two idiots convene to eat something more than microwave or cafeteria food. sammiches. That will do.

”Fooking end of year assignments and tests.. Can’t a man just eat in peace?! I haven’t bothered to even go and do laundry since there’s so much to do still..” Exclaimed the irishman inbetween munches, as his portuguese friend just nodded in agreement.

”They do say, however, that we’ll be able to get a break soon so… There’s that at least, just hoping no surprises will be involved.”

”Christmas assignments~”

”Can you not?”

The irishman laughed, then coughed as he choked on the bread. After a short exchange of worries there was silence, as they ate away.

…

After eating the two stumbled about, full of sammiches and fries, until the portuguese finally grew enough courage to spout a few key words, “I have decided to enter a rally".

”Proud of ye.”

”Wanna join?”

He stopped, and the other one did so too.

”1st of April is a bit late, isn’t it? Plus do I look like I’ll be help?”

”You help by talking. Want to or not?”

He looked at the time. Too early to go back home, too late to care.

”Yeah, sure.”

“Perfect, then follow me, I’ll show you the car.”

And then they began walking. Up, and down, and here and there, to the other side of the river and then a little bit beyond, no buses because for some reason he wanted to be a cunt and force someone accustomed with plains walk more than a hundred metres up a hill cause “it’ll be fun!”. Spoiler: Wasn’t.

Until finally they reached it, a warehouse.

”Observe, the machine.”

“That’s.. That’s your daily isn’t it?”

”Sporty enough!”

”Right… Hey, uh.. How’d you get this place?”

”Oh! I rented it just for this.”

”You what?”

the machine

The portuguese man’s daily, a 1988 Halsverth Allium 2000GT!

Obtained from his father for the hefty sum of 500 euros, though the car’s market price fluctuates between 4000 to 7000, depending on condition.

This one, being in the portuguese market and having sat for quite a bit, would’ve landed within the lower end due to the maintenence required at first, with the brake lines at first being caput, the injection system needing to be declogged, new tyres and at least one filter being changed, as dad had a child to take care for, couldn’t go meet jesus in his ride .

HIS SON NOW CAN THOUGH! AND WITH FRIENDS!

The car is RWD, has a 5 speed manual and britain’s loudest 4 pot for the time, with 160hp coming out of an NA engine, plus two wings.

look at that side profile.

Why is it so cheap now, then? Unpopularity, the brand went bankrupt in the 2000s and was bought by the British Govt which made it now produce only very boring cars, to try and keep it stable, and part of it was that in the mid-late 80s the brand tried to revive itself with new technology and cars, this being the testbed for it. Much of the electronics are unreliable, especially the ECU that despise changes in weather conditions or wetness, the cars were rustprone and the head gasket blew whenever there wasn’t enough coolant in the radiator.

This car escaped the electronics and rust issues due to being stored in a shed for so long, while the gasket did get swapped for safety. Otherwise its.. Surprisingly stock.

They did mention the car is a daily, however that’s a loose term. The car is only used for parties or for long trips, such as the one the two stooges will have to do to get to Faro.

the stooges

the portuguese man
Alberto Santos, a 19 year old idiot in his second year of an economics course, though he still sucks with numbers and has stuck to economical theory.

He stands at a modest 1.73m and has a generally dense body, fairly slim, but well built still, with brown hair and dark brown eyes. He’s literally just your average southern european, only entering the rally for fun.

the irishman
Richard Osgood, someone who couldnt bother to tell his age, and is doing a biology course in Coimbra through Erasmus. Appears to be his last year.

He’s shorter than Santos and a tad fatter, but has similar features, such as the hair and eyes, but looks much more worn with time, plus a trimmed beard. He’s bored, so he joined the rally for funsies.

MrdjaNikolen · 14 December 2025 22:07

Team Chitco
Part 0b: End of Prologue

King's Castle, Maier Kingdom, Narquintal

Uhhhh…with due respect…are you sure you want to continue with this?
Yes. She is definitely a person I wouldn’t mind having by my side for however long two of us have left.
Understood, but will feel free to have my doubts.
Because you believe she will turn into my ex-wife in all the bad ways?
King Edward, I wasn’t…willing…to word it like that but, that’s exactly what troubles me.
Not my problem. She will assume position of my Queen soon

At that point, conversation was interrupted by another guy. Neither of two people already in room had appreciated him just barging in

Interrupting your monarch unannounced is serious offense. Especially as we were discussing very serious matters.
You might thank me. There is some event akin to so-called Shitbox Rally which you planned to participate in.
Oh?
Here, have a look.

Sora entered the room. She was told that she is free to behave however she likes and…old lady did take it to her heart. Every “she” this part mentioned so far was referring to her.

Sora, are you willing to partake in journey using a cheap car that will last for couple of weeks? Journey, not the car…car might last less
No, I quite enjoy it here.
Some meetings of nurses involved some pretty and young guy? Or maybe it’s attractive patient?
I feel like I’m two decades younger…at least that much, Edward…Granted, neither of us is very youthful anymore but I found myself in role of managing this supposed medical team of yours. They are young and stupid, but are wonderful people to be around.
Would like to say the same, but only thing I’m longing for at this point would be those two. Chasing them around would at least be fun.

Sora was around long enough to know that certain two car thieves do tend to steal a car from Edward’s garage, which then ends up with him chasing them down personally. Too much of chaos for her.

Do we really have to?
Someone might accuse me of losing touch with my nation if I don’t step out of castle from time to time. Might as well make it fun.
This doesn’t seem to be in your Kingdom, Edward.
It is besides Andrea Chitco. She also plans to participate.
…
…
Can I bring that shiny new portable medical kit?
Whatever you want to bring, Sora. That could be useful, so I’m sure multiple people will appreciate it.
We will be financing the journey, bring money.
Ok.

Sora herself may end up regretting idea of bringing aforementioned medical kit. She was completely regular nurse for most of her life, so being moderate on packing wasn’t much of a problem. While aforementioned profession also meant she was (and still is) maintaining solid health, diminutive strength caused by diminutive size meant hauling kit and supplies is a problem, even if she is using some suitcases with wheels to move said stuff.

Edward would have troubles of his own, as he was having some particularly heavy duffel bag in his stuff and it didn’t seem to be even close to full either. He has very impressive muscular build but heart remains as one would expect of 70y old guy. Thankfully, he also used suitcase or two with wheels.

Duo has strolled peacefully into portal and most painful part of the journey began, as magician looked at them in confusion.

Kontir dealership, Chicota, Texas, United States of America - Part 2

James Gaspedal has been busy texting with who technically is his indirect boss.
However, tone of conversation very much wasn’t to standards dictated by these positions

So, you are saying this guy also plans to participate in the event?

Yes.

Would he…accept some teammates?

I had never asked, otherwise I would have joined on the fun. It’s not exactly very eventful around here and…it’s what I want to do at some point.

Really?

Yes. Any reason why you are asking…Miss VerBanka? Andrea?

Andrea would be fine, James. I would also plan to participate, but we haven’t had any luck in getting car for event. Besides, two teammates we plan to include in team are also coming, through US no less.

Have you worked with said two before?

Yes, Edward and Sora. Admittedly, not looking forward to her constant complaining that I’m not asked for every single possible decision.

James decided to type very furiously on his keyboard. He was looking up said two people

Not sure he would be fond of company, especially since he is in for the money…and doesn’t seem to be of sharing type.

We can cover the expenses of travel, fuel etc. so if we win, he is free to walk away with his money.

And if we don’t win?

I’m sure we will figure something out.

James was debating himself very much. This seemed like 2022 all over again and he had option to once again lead others to treasure he may not possess
Or actually stand up for himself taking part.

How many people so far you plan on getting into team?

Lemme think…2. Then there are 2 of those coming. That would be 4. That Roy Carter guy makes 5.

So it will be 6 members then?

6…where you found 6th person?

It’s me. I wanna have some fun too. Pretty please, boss, I promise I will behave

Are you sure 6 of us could fit?

Thing has NINE seats. It’s also very big. So, I’m sure.

Ok, I guess you should pack yourself too.

Yay. Thanks.

Roy wasn’t happy about change of plans. He isn’t happy in general, as he was welding his…thing placed in front of his semi truck.
Closest things to this structure would be likes of bull bar (in general) or roo bar (if you are Aussie) but his structure is intended to deflect cars. Cop cars that just so happen to make roadblock in front of him, to be specific.
Advantage of leaving for Europe also meant heat after him may subside somewhat.
He then decided to clean his shotgun, thinking about said change. Going with a group may be a good idea. He could have assembled some like-minded people instead but…maybe this will turn to not be so bad.

Kontir is parked in front of dealership, with Roy and James already ready. Another car parks beside and senior part of team exits it. Edward says he is fine, but putting luggage of both him and Sora visibly strained himself. Duffle bag seemed to be particular challenge.

He still insisted he was fine, but got visibly winded.
Sora got worried and checked him. He said he just needs some rest. As this was indeed the case, quartet exits the parking lot, James having honours of driving it out.

They will be taking a boat to Netherlands, where they unite with remaining two members.

Chitco Cargo Company garage, Rotterdam, Netherlands - Part 2

Andrea, still visibly in some pain, was nevertheless preparing for departure. Neither her nor Pi would require much of luggage, making packing a formality.
Raufoss Smons reveals that he has quite a filled schedule going on and that somebody wanted him to repeat certain job he had in some sauna. With that, he commits laying some off-road tires in parking lot and leaves the garage.
Pi wasn’t able to contribute in any useful manner, apart from binge liking some Chantal’s posts on social media.

Going to the bank in order to cover the finances was certainly an experience. Pi was hauling it both in and out, as Edward’s finance-related cargo was not light.
Thankfully, money IS relatively light in comparison.

Faro - arrival

Roy took the wheel and he used it with pace and in anger. He was speeding every now and then, sometimes reaching to 150 kmph on occassion. God forbid you are in smaller vehicle that doesn’t move when it should, as he will happily MAKE you move. Afterall, it’s why nudge bar is installed on the car. Despite the fact his driving wasn’t exactly entirely lawful, he was advised to not cause chaos and, to his credit, he haven’t caused chaos. Even people using those smaller cars on his way haven’t exactly had any damage on ass of their car despite being pushed aside.
Hauling lot of ass at relatively high speeds is his usual driving and as such, he did drive most of the way there.

Andrea would replace him occasionally on hot seat, showing that she has very good reflexes and is in “good enough” condition. However, it’s clear she isn’t in best shape atm. Only crime she might commit would be related to relatively heavy eating, both unexpected of someone her size and unexpected of you knew her from earlier. Thankfully, not while behind the wheel.

James was mostly busy being fascinated by Pi. He did technically meet her earlier, few years ago, but novelty of this unusual being was sparked once again. Useful thing to note is that she participated in every Shitbox Rally so far and was part of every Team Chitco that might participate in 24h clunker run, so he also was interested in her experiences.

Edward was active on social media during the drive. His phone was occasionally borrowed by Sora, which might explain few stray posts he may had left. Having not much else to do, he also noted that smell in here is not to his taste and that this is not level of opulence he is used to. One of those things wouldn’t really be a problem, but other did bothered him.

Speaking of smell, Sora correctly deduced that Roy’s customer that had been owner of this car few owners ago was about as much as law-abiding citizen as Roy himself. While she couldn’t accurately determine cargo possibilities, it would include substances she wouldn’t approve of and people that probably would be in state comparable to her patients. For this reason, this retired nurse and aforementioned trucker have worst person-to-person relationship inside this team.

Yes, the group is open for RP. But, where are they?

Roy is more likely than not going to be looking around at other vehicles taking part. GPS tracker both made perfect sense and kinda annoyed him. On the other hand, driver meeting had left impression that his usual “literally driving as fast as he can” driving would not be welcome…and that’s not to mention his semi truck is better prepared for such driving anyway. So, his mood is likely not most friendly…although I doubt he is friendly-looking anyway.
Alternatively, he is either grabbing whatever organizers had prepared to eat or is checking over the Kontir.

James is very excited and happy to be here. He might also be looking around or eating…or both.

Edward and Sora are staying by the Kontir. For all we know, Sora might attempt to make it smell better by scrubbing or applying perfume she found somewhere.
Edward would do his best impression of trying to behave like a normal person. This might include awkwardly getting food for both him and his partner.

Andrea and Pi are either eating, looking for Chanty or both. They are not aware of Anyel’s or Kanna’s presence. Whether or not they will meet is beyond my powers.
There is nothing about Pi that warrants greater description, but Andrea might be different story.
While she will try to move and act like she wasn’t involved in a fight relatively recently, matter of fact is that she seems rough because she was involved in such scenario. If she is eating, expect she is likely going for quite a bit of caloric food.

Mention of other characters:

Siblings named Anyel and Kanna are mentioned in part just above this post. They are related to DYCT team. Expect @Angelustyle to deliver more drawings on the matter.
Chanty may encounter someone liking plethora of her posts. For more details, consult part in Netherlands. Besides that, only female of Team Rhino was also mentioned in same part as siblings. @Happyhungryhippo is hopefully fully living up to his name ATM.

Knugcab · 18 December 2025 17:43

FARO, PORTUGAL

Having arrived at the right city, but not at the destination, Lars was (not so) patiently waiting for Carl outside Lidl in Faro, since he promised to buy them something to eat. What he came out with, however, was something that gave some mixed feelings.

”DID YOU FOR REAL BLOW OUR ENTIRE FOOD BUDGET FOR THIS TRIP ON BANANAS???”, Lars yelled at Carl furiously.

”Do you know how cheap they were? You know, when something is cheap you have to act quickly, because you never know when you are going to get such good of a deal again….”

”AND WHO ARE GOING TO EAT ABOUT TWO TONNES OF BANANAS?”, Lars continued yelling.

”We? We don’t have anything else to eat anyway.”

”So, your plan is that we only should eat bananas for the whole trip?”

”Hey, if you don’t like bananas it’s just good, that only means more for me. If it can be transformed into sh_t, it is good enough for me to eat…”*

Not knowing what to do, Lars was only giving off a huge sigh while Carl decided that getting a taxi to the starting destination should be too expensive, and stopped an elderly couple in an 80s Fiat Panda to get a hitch-hike to the start.*

Finally arriving at the starting destination, most other teams seemed to have gathered already. They went around looking for their ride, that had been dropped off by Holger, about as clean after the trip as expected.

(Sidenote: The dropping off of the vehicle is perhaps going to be included in some of @Angelustyle ‘s roleplay, and that part should in that case be read as predating this)

”It is very full in here, with the fuel cell and everything….”, Carl said while trying to jam the bananas into the trunk. Meanwhile, Lars was trying to start the car, with no luck at all.

”Carl, can you hear if the fuel pump is buzzing?”

”Eh…no idea I guess, I can’t hear shit under there because of all the bananas…”

”CAN YOU JUST GET YOUR DAMN BANANAS OUT OF THE TRUNK THEN?”

”Do you know how hard it was to get them into here? Oh well, sure then, I guess”, Carl said, unloading all the bananas. “Hey, this loose wire here, does that have anything to do with the fuel pump?”

”Great. Fault number one already before start. Fuel pump wiring…unbananaed.”

TO BE CONTINUED….

(Yes, I am open for some short pre-RP/interacting with other teams, sure)

Mikonp7 · 18 December 2025 21:47

Team Treadkillers - Prolog

Somewhere at the TreadKillers Garage in Essen

Inside the building two men are sitting in a couch corner. Normally both of them would be working with the rest of staff on other projects or planning the next build with a client. But not today, as it was a Sunday.

The both man fitted in urban styled clothing, proudly presenting the TreadKillers logos. Both typing away on their laptops, while german Rap is playing over the shop’s HIFI.

Sundays were their idea’s day, both just sitting around and bouncing around ideas for new content for the YouTube channel.

Thomas, founder of the garage looks up. He runs through his slightly greying beard and speaks up:

“How about…”, the other younger man perked up, looking past this branded cap right up Thomas.

“How about… no thats not it…”
“What was the idea Thomas?”
“I was thinking about doing something EV but like Hot-Rod… but that might be something for SEMA and not as a channel special… you got anything Fynn?”

The skinny man in his 30’s took a sip of his coffee.
“You know, i do actually… You remeber the Rally we did like… years and years ago?”
“You mean the “Once More” rally? Yeah what about it?”
“There is one going on in europe going on. The Voyage of Vehicular Waste. A tour across europe with 5000€ shitboxes”

Thomas shifted his glasses back into a more comfortable space.
“Alright. I can see that. So we only need a car too..”
“Already got something”
Fynn turns around his laptop, revealing a car ad:

1980 Popas Cheechi - ‘Get this junk of my lawn’-special

“That looks like it was dragged from a junkyard”, Thomas commented
“Exactly, its perfect. Back then this was the car only the goverment and people who were liked by said goverment were allowed to drive. Only the best got that sweet sweet 3.6L V8 from peak russian steel.”
“Alright… looking at it we need to throw it on a trailer. How much?”
“The seller writes 1000€, but i lowballed him with 250€. He would never but you never know… oh look he answered…”
Fynn slurred his word.
“Did he tell you to fuck off?” Chuckeld Thomas.
“If we get there today… we can have it. We have to be in Berne in… 3h”
“WELL THEN”, the founder exclaimed while getting up, “Guess we have to go somewhere, get the equipment, i get the flatbed ready.”

---- A short 4h roadtrip later ----

“Well”, Fynn said why looking over the car. “Its worse that the pictures”
“And we have only a few weeks to get this into ‘a’ state of driving”
Fynn opened the boot and picked out some old ductape the previous owner forgot in there.

“We will do it like last time, Big Boost, Rust weight reduction”

Many sleepless nights later:

The car

The Korsika Kruiser

What couldnt be fixed got cut and replaced with old scrap steel.

Getting a new windscreen was to hard, so off with a third of the roof!
Getting new bumpers would take to long, so lets just do our own!
Refreshing the engine would take a lot of ressources, so we supercharged it to get back on power!

Happyhungryhippo · 22 December 2025 01:02

I have to apologize for the delay, a serious flu with fever has ruined my ability to make complex calculations, but I am finally starting to recover (and not like until some hours ago, after thinking I do and then being back in bed when the meds faded out, just to get drugged again).

I will definitely put it as number 1 on the priority list to finally get the first stage out.

Happyhungryhippo · 1 January 2026 19:24

First of all, I have to apologize for the waiting time. Also, I was very pleased to see that nobody seemed to complain at all. Nevertheless, the results are long overdue and I will present them now, finally.

STAGE 1: FARO-ALICANTE

Departure: 15 degrees, no rain. The first car started at 8 AM from the parking lot- the slowest first, the fastest last.

Arrival: 14 Degrees, still no rain, first to arrive was Faolan Industries at 16:32 at the camp near the Lago El Senyoret. The last team to arrive was team Tankered at 20:52 - a really unfortunate first stage.

Let´s have a look at the breakdowns:

Team Treadkillers: 132 minutes because of a seemingly stuck gas pedal that sent the car in the ditch - and the huge car needed the local farmers tractor to be pulled back on the road, while the reason was found in the meantime: A mouse from the barn where the Popas was sitting for a long time was still in the engine bay and pulled on the throttle wire.

Team Invasion: 90 minutes for a fuel pump failure - very simple, very annoying.

Highway Hooligans: 141 Minutes, because they started with serious delay: All of them had an hangover with blackout and could not find the car key anymore - until they found it below the floormat. They later remembered that Trevor hid the key to prank his team.

Cat´s Luck: Bailey made a social media livestream at a fuel stop and, distracted by her phone, accidentally refilled Diesel. That needed to be pumped out by road assistance: 139 minutes extra!

Natural Stupidity: The two stooges had problems with rough idling: An injector valve said goodbye, and the way on foot to the nearest junkyard and back was 90 minutes. Luckily, they had a Halsverth part available which was installed in just 20 minutes - and off they went again.

Spy Kids: 104 Minutes extra because the vacuum hose of the complex twincharging system blew to dust from their erratic driving, speeding like maniacs.

Team Tankered: 174 painful minutes because Farra was surprised with jammed brakes after stopping harshly for a red light. It seems the brake system should have been flushed once more to not get the hydraulics stuck.

LA Racing: Carl stopped frequently at the roadside to sell random strangers his bananas for profit - which slowed them down by 73 minutes, but brought cash into their pockets.

RESULTS

@Portalkat42 Faolan, 503 minutes
@shibusu SSS, and @variationofvariables with the Scuderia Philomena, 513 minutes
@MrdjaNikolen Chitko, and @Happyhungryhippo TRS and @DrDoomD1scord Grindhouse Sabbath, 541,5 minutes
@Angelustyle DYCT, and @eggspac Vecchi Straddi, 560 minutes
@TheYugo45GV The Americans and @breadtheloaf The Derg Duo, 570 minutes
@Elizipeazie Missing_File_Extension, 598,5 minutes
@Xeos_lol Team Invasion, 603 minutes
@Knugcab LA Racing, 614,5 minutes
@SheikhMansour Spy Kids, 617 minutes
@Mikonp7 Treadkillers, 645 minutes
@UnderlovedGhost Cat´s Luck, 680,5 minutes
@Madrias Highway Hooligans, 682,5 minutes
@bulba Natural Stupidity, 708,5 minutes
@moroza Team Tankered, 772,5 minutes.

I hope it was worth the waiting, I plan to proceed in between 7 and 10 days, I know the target is every seven days but the past three weeks were teaching me that planning is one thing, reality the other…

Madrias · 1 January 2026 20:27

Highway Hooligans

Pre-Race

Stage 1: Faro to Alicante

BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-BEEP-THUD!

Cody slammed his hand on the screaming digital alarm clock, silencing the alarm and giving a groan. “Worst. Hangover. Ever,” he muttered, getting up from the hotel room bed and getting mostly dressed before he had to kneel before the porcelain throne and make an offering. Twice.

Jake hadn’t woken up yet, sprawled awkwardly across an entire queen-size bed with Rowan curled up next to him. Cody solved that by dismounting the toilet paper roll from the bathroom and throwing it at him, hitting the giant wolf in the head. Jake woke with a startled growl, then a whimper of pain at the headache. As he sits up, there’s a hard thud as Rowan gets dumped on the floor.

“I’m awake!” Rowan shouts.

“Not so fucking loud, my head’s killing me!” Jake growls back. He begins the awkward and unpleasant shift back to human form, grimacing the whole time, before a look of panic washes over him. He looks for a container, settles on a giant, mostly-empty soda cup, and vomits into it before putting the lid back in place.

Trevor knocks on the door, then walks in, Lyrran following him into the room as well, the 7’6” tall, four-armed lion-man now being the tallest person in the room. “So,” Trevor asks, “which of you fucks has the car key? Lyrran can’t find it and woke me up by roaring in my ear, so…”

Lyrran smirks. “That’s only because you were still asleep after I tried shaking you, after I tipped you out of bed, and after I dumped a cupful of water on your head.”

“What the hell did we do last night?” Cody asks with a groan.

“Well, the five of us shared two cases of Ialiosian Firepiss with the Rhino Squad. That’s 40-proof beer, by the way. Then you four goofballs decided to do a drinking game with Cody, Trevor, and Rowan against Jake’s giant wolf form, drank him under the table, then kept going until it was “last man standing.” That’s about all I remember,” Lyrran explains.

Trevor grimaces at the taste in his mouth, then spots the soda cup on the night stand. Without hesitation, he grabs it and takes a sip, then violently spits it out on the carpet. “God-fucking-dammit! That tastes like puke!”

“That’s because it is puke, dummy,” Jake quips back. “It was either the cup or Cody’s shoes, and he didn’t deserve that - this time.”

After a quick breakfast that involved a lot of greasy bacon, greasy sausages, toast with lots of butter, and a mess of scrambled eggs, the five of them piled into the Daxton… and then began the search for the key.

“Okay, this isn’t fucking funny,” Lyrran growls.

“I swear, I didn’t do it,” Cody mutters, looking under the sunvisors while Jake and Rowan check between the rear seat cushions and the fuel tank, then the cases of beer they still had left, then in the spare tire well. Finally, everyone checked their pockets, but still found no keys. They went through the map pockets, then through the glove box, the center console, the ashtray, the sunvisors again, under the seat covers, under the driver and passenger seats, the map pockets again, and finally, out of desperation, they pulled up the floor mats.

“Which idiot put it under the passenger side floor mat?” Rowan demands.

“Oh. Shit. Fuck, I’m sorry - it was supposed to be a funny prank,” Trevor admits, “but then we got shitfaced and I forgot I did that.”

Lyrran grabs the key and starts the Daxton’s engine, but not before whacking Trevor over the back of the head with a rolled up road map. “Dumbass… We’ve lost two hours to looking for the key, on top of 20-ish minutes getting ready.”

With the minor crisis averted, Lyrran stuffs the Daxton into reverse, accelerates briskly out of the parking spot, then hauls ass out onto the main road.

“Can any of the three stooges here read a map, or will I have to?” Rowan quips.

“Thanks for volunteering!” Jake says cheerfully, before passing Rowan the maps. Rowan sighs and puts his glasses on, giving directions while Lyrran tried to make up time by flooring it everywhere he could, tracks howling on the pavement, engine roaring, turbo whining, and supercharger screaming the whole time.

To Be Continued…

Happyhungryhippo · 9 January 2026 03:12

Actually, I could as well proceed with stage 2 (calculations done), but I think there is a bit of potential left here, so I decided to boost it a bit with… finally getting our part done.

The morning began for the Rhinos at 6AM with a loud banging at the hotel room door.

Thomas: BAAAAAAH MY HEAD! FUCKING MOONSHINE FROM THE HOOLIGANS… Who is it?
Carl: YOU HAD ME ON THE BRIEFING YESTERDAY! I am older than you but have less dementia, Mr. Nilpferd.
Thomas: NILFERT! Who has dementia now? Anyway, what do you want?
Carl: You look like you could need some health boost. I have excellent…
Thomas: Ibuprufen?
Carl: No, bananas…
Thomas: Do my daughter and I look like we would eat bananas?
Carl: Not at all, and this is why you should eat some!
Chantaly: YAAAAAAAAAAWN! WHO DISTURBS?
Carl: Carl Petterson, and I offer….
Thomas: I OFFER YOU THIS HALLWAY! OUT!

Thomas slammed the doors, visibly annoyed.

“WHAT DOES THIS IDIOT OFFER US NEXT? SURSTRÖMMING?”

Sadly, the hotel breakfast was soon over for most: Chantal, still wearing her pajamas, thought that getting up early meant more at the buffet - and ate it all like a vacuum cleaner, to the surprise of other teams that were in the same hotel - they would remain hungry. The Hooligans asked themselves, what would have happened if Marie had been present, but thankfully, Chantal was spared of another serious beating this time - Carl Petterson for example decided to not waste money on the breakfast fee and ate his bananas instead - a wise descision.

At the starting line, Thomas withnessed the Hooligans being in trouble, but since it was his own turn, he just grabbed his daughter, who was busy looking at the ground as if she lost something else than her mind as well.

Chantal: WE CAN NOT GO YET!
Thomas: Oh, come on, I needed 20 minutes and working gloves to get the cat into the box without killing me.
Chantal: But I… can´t find my black bandana. I Need it!
Thomas: Just take your pink one then. Or the blue one, or the Purple one, or the red one…. you have enough of that.
Chantal: BUT ONLY BLACK GOES BEST WITH MY OUTFIT!
Thomas: Like the one in your hair?
Chantal: Like… oh. Ok, we can go! HURRY, OLD MAN!

It took Thomas six beers (or three Hours) to registrate Team Tankered as last - and he tried to comfort a visibly distressed Farra. Chantal also patiently waited for the last ones to arrive, and was totally excited to offer her emotional assistance - she was used to hug everything and everyone, and since Al Katzone withdrew from her lovebombing, she just went straight to Farra and hugged her.

Thomas: At least you made it to the finish line. With that car choice, it seems like a win.
Farra: Whatever you say…

Chantal: "I know how it is when everything is bad, but you are not alone! I am there for you anytime and I just wanted to say I love you and you are doing great!
Thomas: Chantal… you are really kind but nobody asked for you right now… this task of mine needed 0% Chantal, but you inserted 250% of Chantal.
Farra: Well, Mr. Nilfert, it might not have required Chantal, but to say it like this: Her presence did not make anything worse, Right? Oh, you are such a lovely person!

Farra gave Chantal a forehead kiss and gently tapped her on the shoulder before thanking Thomas for his style of comforting the team carrying the red lantern and handing Farra and her team out a beer.

Thomas prepared the Globus by folding the seats down to an even surface, putting the bags into Victors car, so that all three would fit comfortably.

Al Katzone: MEEOOOOOW!!!

Sorry, all four.

But Chantal would arrive a bit later. She suffered from serious panic attacks and went to DYCT to get love, hugs, and company, as she could not find Farra immediately, where she could also maybe hope for a bit of positive encouragement. And who knows, maybe Thomas, Victor and the cat might experience an exciting night. But for now, only Chantal was busy.

Kanna: Chantal, I can´t see you crying. I love food. I now share food with you. So you know I really love you.
Chantal: Oh, even german waffles, thanks.
Anyel: Well,… that is the belgian flag on the packaging. The german flag has horizontal stripes.
Chantal: Hori….what?
Anyel: They go this way…. like the horizon, hence horizontal. Like your t-shirt. And pants…And propably most of the clothes you brought again.
Chantal: OH! Good that I am german, I like horizontal stripes more.
Anyel: That is hard not to see, especially because I know you for a bit of time now. What do you like about that so much?
Chantal: That is simple. They know where they belong, always go in the right direction, and I have not to choose between colors. Look at this, I love both pink and purple. And they are always organized while my head is chaos. My life is zigzag and they are straight. AAARGH I CAN NOT EXPLAIN IT SMART BECAUSE I AM DUMB! I COULD NOT EVEN HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH YOU WITHOUT THIS TRANSLATOR RING! My therapist says it is typically for my autism. But, the stripes going up and not sideways confuse me a bit. So, German flag wins.
Kanna: Sure? The belgian national food is waffles, chocolate and fries, and the national beverage beer.
Chantal: WHAT? WHY CAN´T THE BELGIAN FLAG BE THE GERMAN ONE THEN? IT WOULD BE PERFECT AND I COULD BECOME BELGIAN! They should just exchange flags.
Anyel: Eh, WHAT?
Chantal: If flags are how countries introduce themselves, then taste matters.
Anyel: But flags are not marketing, Chanty.
Chantal: They are. If belgium already nailed food, why then sabotaging the marketing for me?

Everyone had a healthy laughter - except for Chantal, who ran away crying, feeling mocked by her friends, and quite dumb as well, because she knew that kind of laughter: She said something that was not smart. Just as always. But then, Mimi stopped Chantal, who did not get very far with her limping, as Chantal was not good at anything sporty, partly due to her overweight, partly due to some severe injuries she had over her lifetime.

Mimi: But they told I soooo much good things about you. So much, that me could not wait to get to know you!
Chantal (shy): And… they were wrong. I am not good.
Mimi: True! Because you are not good but great! I heard you have creative Talent. How About a bit of singing, or taking photos? I love doing that, and the Landscape is perfect. But it seems your leg hurts a bit?
Chantal: From time to time, I broke it some time ago really bad in… a …. eeeh, soccer game.
Mimi: That be sad… But, I like Soccer.
Anyel: Yes, I remember…
Chantal: DO NOT TELL THEM! IT WAS EMBARRASING!
Mimi: What is an embarrasing?

Anyel:Eh, it means like… Shame ? Y-you know ? You feel shameful, is the same as a situation being embarrassing.

Mimi: Ahhh…! So, what happen ?
Anyel: Well, we can talk About when Chantal broke her hand, but also Mikkos nose.
Mimi: Who be Mikko ? Is it, like, country?
Anyel: So, I Guess this will be an interessing night, because there is a lot to tell about my shared adventures with Chantal.

teams included:

LA Racing by @Knugcab , DYCT by @Angelustyle , Tankered by @moroza , mentioned: Highway Hooligans by @Madrias , speed freaks by @nicxv (old 24h challenge team mentioned)

Knugcab · 10 January 2026 16:00

EARLY MORNING, IN THE HOTEL ROOM IN FARO.

”Hey Lars, are you sure that you don’t want some more bananas for breakfast?”, Carl said.

”Pretty sure that I have had enough of bananas already, yes”, Lars answered.

”So we are going to bring all those bananas back to the car again? Why did we bring them all up here to start with then?”

”I have no idea”, Lars said. “Ask the guy who did it”.

“Yes”, Carl said, “But think of all the money we will save on hotel breakfasts! And speaking of money, I have an idea…”, Carl said and left the hotel room.

Unfortunately the attempts to sell some of the bananas to the hosts to not have to bring them all back to the car was largely a failure, and Carl had to go back to the hotel room.

“Lars, does cats eat bananas?”

”Of course not, why are you even asking?”

“I saw they had a cat and maybe they need food for that one”.

SOME HOURS LATER

The drive was largely going on without too much trouble, but not really as fast as Carl would have liked.

“I know why we are lagging behind the top drivers”, Carl said.

”Oh, really, you have some bright ideas now I guess”, Lars answered.

”Yes! It is those damn bananas! They are too heavy and weighing us down!”, Carl answered, ordering Lars to stop the car at the side of the road.

”We will just lose even more time on this”, Lars said.

”Yes but we will gain time in the future”, Carl answered.

”So, what are you going to do, throw the bananas away?”

”ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID? I PAID FOR THOSE BANANAS! Nah, I am going to sell them.”

It turned out the interest for the bananas were lukewarm to say the least, after some rather unsuccessful attempts to sell some, our team drove away, with some time lost.

TO BE CONTINUED…

Teams mentioned: The Rhinos (@Happyhungryhippo )

Happyhungryhippo · 11 January 2026 18:27

STAGE 2: ALICANTE-BARCELONA

Departure: 13 degrees, no rain. The first car started at 8 AM from the parking lot- the slowest first, the fastest last. As always.

Arrival: 14 Degrees, dry, going up north still did not lower the temperatures. First to arrive was Faolan Industries at already 12:38 in the center of Barcelona, at the camp near the Lago El Senyoret. The last team to arrive was team Missing_File_Extension at 13:43 - still enough to do a lot at Barcelona.

Accomodation:

Thomas has negotiated a low price with hotel in Barcelona for the group. When they arrived, they quickly noticed why it was only 40 Euro per night and person… Thomas should have been suspicious when he heard that they have almost all rooms free to rent. It was totally run down, at least power and water was still there.

Let´s have a look at the breakdowns:

Team M_F_E: 13 minutes for having trouble getting the paralyzed Christopher back into the car after a toilet stop. Still, with united forces, the team got their disabled member back in, and had just a short delay after all.

Highway Hooligans: 35 minutes because Codys reckless driving caused a turbo hose to pop and the team needed to figure out in the overly complex engine bay what went wrong. Duct tape solved the issue and the car continued with full power available.

Smoky Supercharged Saberin: The car overheated from the driving with pedal to the metal. To refill, it had to be let cool down for 26 minutes.

The Derg Duo: They were held up for 31 minutes because of a tire burst. That can happen anytime to anyone.

Natural Stupidity: The two stooges seem to be cursed with issues so far. This time it was a shorter breakdown of just 27 minutes, because the generator belt tore. They had a spare in the trunk and managed to continue soon after.

Spy Kids: They are also one of the most aggressive drivers, and the van did not make it through a curve due to understeer. Getting out of the ditch took them 26 minutes, because the bent fender had to be put back in shape to not damage the front right tire.

Team Grindhouse: Vaughn drove over a stone that got thrown at the underbody, hitting the fuel line. The symptoms were obvious, and with a jack and duct tape, the car could continue to Barcelona where Kurt Vaughn needs to think about a permanent fix. The emergency repair cost him 39 minutes, the longest this stage.

LA Racing: Thomas Nilfert is known for competing in barges with shitty power-to-weight ratio. Why? Because he has back pain from age. Carl, even older, thought using a rock hard semi-race-car would work. It didn´t and he urged for a stop at a massage studio. 18 minutes later he came back out, not willing to pay for a whole hour for being a cheaptard.

RESULTS

@Portalkat42 Faolan, 278,5 minutes
@Mikonp7 Threadkillers, and @variationofvariables with the Scuderia Philomena, 283,5 minutes
@UnderlovedGhost with Cat´s Luck, 299,5 minutes
@shibusu SSS, and @SheikhMansour Spy Kids, 309,5 minutes
@Angelustyle DYCT and @eggspac Vecchi Straddi, 310 minutes
@Happyhungryhippo TRS, @Xeos_lol Invasion, @breadtheloaf The Derg Duo, @MrdjaNikolen Chitko and @TheYugo45GV The Americans, 315 minutes
@Knugcab LA Racing, 317,5 minutes
@moroza Team Tankered, 330,5 minutes
@Madrias Highway Hooligans, 334,5 minutes
@DrDoomD1scord Grindhouse, 339,5 minutes
@bulba Natural stupidity, 342 minutes
@Elizipeazie M_F_E, 343,5 minutes

STANDINGS AFTER STAGE 2

Faolan, 781,5 minutes
Scuderia Philomena, 796,5 m
SSS, 822,5m
TRS and Chitko, 856,5m
DYCT, and Vecchi Straddi, 870m
Grindhouse, 881m
Derg Duo, and The Americans, 885m
Team Invasion, 918m
Spy Kids, 925,5 m
Threadkillers, 928,5m
LA Racing, 932 m
M_F_E, 942 m
Cat´s Luck, 980 m
Highway Hooligans, 1017 m
Natural Stupidity, 1050, 5 m
Team Tankered, 1103 minutes

Happyhungryhippo · 15 January 2026 12:02

Stage 2 - The Rhinos

In the morning, Chantal was withdrawn at the lake, Talking to her cat.

You know, it is a bit difficult with you. You can not piss in my fathers shoes when we bought you a nice litterbox. It even has cat ears on the cover, I like it!

MEOW!

No, it is cute, really.

MEOOOOOW!

And you can not wake us up at 3AM when we have to drive… my father is now so tired that he lets me drive. Will you at least try to wake up just me, so that the others can sleep?

meow.

Indeed it was Chantals turn to drive, and when Chantals mental state is stable, she would drive neither slow nor too fast, and somehow, Chantal managed to remain calm, and nobody knew how, but since the night of Victor and Thomas was short, and their age showed up when they had to exist with sleep deprivation, they were happy about letting Chantal do the driving. Again, they matched the exact speed of the Chitcos.

Victor: FINALLY! Barcelona. I should buy real estate here as well, it looks nice.

Thomas: I have organized us a hotel, no need to, Victor. Chantal what are you doing there?

Chantal was waving to Andrea and Pi, making funny grimaces, pretending to be a cat. Katzone seemed quite irritated and hid in his box, pretending he has nothing to do with these weirdos.

The hotel turned out to be a …. ruin. But, for a price this low, there was nothing else to be found, so they continued inside. The door of the hotel room fell out of the hinges when Thomas opened it, and the beds were really… worn out, although more or less clean. Chantal was stressed since Thomas and Victor raged about the shitty room, and asked Victor for the Imperator keys, which he of course refused.

Chantal: But…but… look how cute I can be when I want something from you.

Victor: Look how expensive that car is.

Then Al Katzone threatened to urinate into Victors suitcase, and when Victor gave Chantal the keys, the cat walked out purring and used the litterbox.

Meanwhile, the last Team, M_F_E arrived, and Thomas guided them into a room in the ground floor - since they would have trobule with a wheelchair to go up the stairs, as the elevator was out of order, propably since 1987. Outside waited DYCT, visibly surprised to see Chantal opening the fancy luxury car with the remote control. When Kanna and Chantal spotted each other, they ran towards each other and Chantal did her famous jump hug.

With all other DYCT members, she made similar intense hugs, but without jumping, because of the weight differences, while Kanna does not fall so easily when crashing together with Chantal.

Mimi: WAOOOOOH, nice car ! CHANTAAAAAL, CAN YOU GIVE I A RIDE ?

Mia: SSSSH! Don´t be so rude! It is the car of that multi-millionaire. She is propably just unloading something.

Kanna: BUT THAT WOULD BE AT LEAST A CAR I WOULD FIT IN!

Chantal: OK, OK… I wanted to drive to the sea, and it has four seats…

Kanna: I SIT IN FRONT!

Mimi: Pfff! The rich and important sit in the Right rear seat in this type of car.

Mimi was excitedly waving her mother to also enter the Imperator, and the rest of DYCT followed with their own car. Inside the Imperator, Chantal connected her phone with the infotainment and played weird music, while Mia and Mimi enjoyed rear seat entertainment with own screens and built-in headphones made out of carbon fiber, to be light to wear. Kanna on the other hand looked into the air-conditioned glovebox, just to find cold coke she could drink and a few sweets that magically “disappeared”.

Arriving at their Destination, they enjoyed the scenery.

Chantal: OOOH; THE ATLANTIC IS NICE!

Anyel: Eeeeh, that would be on the other side.

Chantal: No, there is buildings. Are you blind?

Anyel: I meant, at the other side of the iberian peninsula. This is the Mediterranean Sea that you look at.

Chantal: So what? Water is water.

Meanwhile, the LA Racing dudes were at the same spot, arguing about precious fruits.

Lars: I AM FED UP WITH YOUR BANANAS. STOP IT OR I WILL CALL YOU BANANA CARL FROM NOW ON! I throw them in the trash!

Carl: YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT IF YOU BUY THEM, BUT THAT IS MY PROPERTY!

Lars: YES, AND BROWN LIKE AN OLD IP URBANA BY TOMORROW! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!

Lars grabbed the box with bananas and threw it - but he should have looked where he aimed at, since the flight path was crossed by the Highway Hooligans. The box crashed into the windscreen, blocking the sight with smashed bananas and cardboard.

Trevor: So, I will definitely not use that shitty hotel, when we could save the money and just use our trailer. This is a nice place….HEY, WHAT MORON WAS THIS? THROW IT AT THE GDR GEEZER, HE HAS USE FOR THAT!

Cody: I think we should eat healthier, this is a sign.

Trevor: 100 beer cover the daily supply need of most Vitamines, we don´t need that bananas unless there is forgotten cocaine in the box.

Jake: HOW ABOUT STOPPING WHEN YOU CAN NOT SEE THE ROAD IN FRONT OF YOU?

Trevor: Oh, right, I will just…

BANG

The vehicle of the Hooligans used the Imperator as stopping aid, not only damaging the rear, but also sending it over the cliff into the sea.

Chantal: OH NOOOO! THESE FUCKING IDIOTS!

Anyel: Oh, oh, this will cause trouble.

Mia: Oh no… Good that we all left the car…

Chantal: RUDOLPH! HE WILL DROWN AND DIE!

Mia: What Rudolph? DID SHE CARRY A BODY IN THE TRUNK? IS VICTOR A MAFIOSO?

Anyel: No, it is her beloved plush toy. She always needs to carry a plushy with her for emotional regulation.

Mia: Chantal, plush toys are not alive and can not feel pain.. CHANTAL!

It was too late, Chantal jumped into the sea, to dive for her plush elk. But even after more than a minute, neither Chantal nor the plush elk showed up.

Saki: SHIKI! USE YOUR HYDROKINESIS! NOW!

Shiki: Oooooh, this is a lot of water - and quite deep… OK, I try…

Anyel: Please, I could not survive losing Chanty.

Kanna: ME NEITHER! Please, do the best you can!

Shiki focussed…. and the water formed a gigantic wave, pushing Chantal to the beach, hugging her plush toy she managed to get out of the car. Chantal was unconscious, but alive, but her translator ring broke in the process, meaning she could only communicate in german. Woken up by Anyel, Chantal became conscious again and had a panic attack, realizing Victors car was gone, and her communication lost, and ran away, at least what could be considered running for her abilities, and disappeared into the crowd that formed around the Scene, being curious about the lound bang and the large wave.

Anyel: ARGH! WHY DID NOBODY WATCH HER?

Mimi: Well, we were all scared, do not you think?

Anyel: Fair Point, but how do we find Chanty now?

Trevor: Well, I would just see where some drama or disaster happens next - she is propably right in the center of it.

Mimi: NO FUNNY ! WHY DID YOU HIT THE CAR?

Cody: We got a sign that healthy food is dangerous!

Jake: True, we got bananas thrown at us, and we did not see where we were heading. At least we are well insured.

Cody: Did you fill in the papers, yes? Good.

Jake: I thought you did it.

Trevor: ARE YOU MAD? I SAID YOU SHOULD CARE FOR THAT, CODY!

Anyel: Oops… I hope the hydrokinesis abilities of Shiki are good enough to pull the car out of the sea… not that it would change anything about it being totaled, but it would save the crane loan…

The Hooligans that were in the car returned to the hotel room, where the both furry characters decided to stay. They were not pleased to hear what happened.

Lyrran: Wait, you hit a WHAT?

Cody: At least we don´t have an insurance that we have to explain it to.

Rowan: SHUT UP! I am more worried about the girl. From what you told me in advance about those you knew before, she is a bit sensitive?

Jake: Clearly an understatement if you ask me… More that she is helpless anywhere without a little guidance. But you are right, we must make finding her a priority.

The three human members were a bit afraid to knock at the door of Thomas hotel room.

Jake: You drove, you knock!

Trevor: Ehm, you know how Thomas is when he is pissed and it is already NOT about his daughter.

Jake: Maybe we should confess to this other guy Victor first, and let him tell it to Thomas?

Cody: Good idea! But we better do not tell him about the insurance thing already in the first sentence…

Thankfully, Victor did not care about the lost car, as he could buy a brand new one cash anytime. But, the worry about Chantal was serious, and both the Hooligans including their furry companions, and Thomas went on searching her - Victor stayed in the hotel, so in case Chantal would go there, someone could inform Thomas.

But where was Chantal? She sat crying in Barcelona, having no idea where she was, where the hotel is, how to explain the loss of the car, and how to communicate at all. Suddenly, a small man checked for her.

Neccecitas ayuda, senorita?

Chantal froze, not being able to speak spanish. To at least answer something, she phonetically imitated spanish with some spanish sounding words.

SEAT, Santander, Cupra Telefónica! Paella, nacho Tortilla!

The man did not understand anything, and Chantals brain snapped - She meowed in frustration, like she would always Imitate animal noises when feeling misunderstood or too slow to think of answers that would make sense. But, the man himself suddenly meowed back, and with a distinctive tone in meows and sign language, they understood each other, and Ignacio - that was his name - understood.

Chantal did not know Thomas telephone number by heart, but… after putting Chantals phone in rice, it came back to life and they could call a very relieved Thomas who then could also fix her translator ring.

And also Victor and the Hooligans found a solution, as Victor simply bought the Hotel, and wanted to renovate it to add his to his assets, and the Hooligans would help him with the construction work in exchange for the loss of his Imperator, that DYCT maybe already got out of its bath…or not.

And finally, after Chantal changed to dry clothes and wanted to get some fresh air (and herbals, those who know, know), she slowly walked along the hallway, looking very depressed, and Rowan checked if she was ok.

Chantal: No… Nothing is ok. It was all a bit much lately.

Rowan: Mhm. We heard about your mother, and …

Chantal: It stressed me out so much that my realationship is fucked up too, and now I ruined Victors day, and… I guess the world would be a better place without me. At least then I would be up there with my mother.

Rowan: STOP! I heard you like cat fur and hugs, all I can offer you is….

Chantal: ENOUGH! THAT IS GOOD ENOUGH. That helps. Thanks.

Rowan stood there a bit helpless, but was finally happy that he could make up a bit for the inconvenience that his team caused, and that Chantal was feeling safe in this moment, when she could lean against a gentle cat just like hers, but larger. And finally Chantals extreme perfume cloud she has around herself had a purpose - it was still better to smell artificial strawberry and vanilla than the mouldy smell in the hallway.

In the evening, Victor and Thomas ended up at the hotel bar, after being called by the bartender.

Senores, she drank a lot and can´t pay, but she said, you would do that for her?

Thomas: Sure, how much….

Victor: ZERO! You are invited. I just bought this hotel today, feel free to be my guest.

Thomas: Very nice, although I think one has to pay money to you for taking over this ruin! Senor, dos Wodka Bitter Lemon, dos whisky and dos cervezas, por favor!

Chantal: At least I found a new friend in Ignacio… He asked me if I am ok, look!

Thomas: How do you even write each other, none of you speaks english?

Chantal: Dad, TRANSLATOR APPS EXIST! And even if I write bad german, the app also corrects it for me so that the translator can read it. HELLO? 25TH CENTURY? You really need to arrive in modern times.

Thomas: We are in the 21st, but other than that… smart girl! I think you are improving, and that makes me quite proud, rainshine.

Victor: Rainshine?

Thomas: That is how her mother nicknamed her, and I feel like I should continue that tradition instead of calling her “smurf”. Rain, for the heavy and dark feelings she has, and shine, because her heart is pure sunshine. I think it is a beautiful metaphor.

Chantal smiled almost up to her ears, and gently leaned against her father, surviving another stressful day somehow, and also doing something smart for once, and havig found a new friend, even if living far away from home.

teams included: DYCT by @Angelustyle , Highway Hooligans by @Madrias and LA Racing by @Knugcab , mentioned: Chitko by @MrdjaNikolen and M_F_E by @Elizipeazie

Knugcab · 18 January 2026 15:37

TEAM LA RACING, STAGE 2

The team left in the morning, without too much of a struggle. It was just after a while they encountered some…well….age-related problems.

”My back hurts from those seats!”, Carl started to complain.

”Oh really. That’s maybe what you could expect, they are made to sit still in, not to be the best friend of your butt”, Lars answered a bit salty.

When reaching Tarragona, Carl had enough of the back pain and suggested he needed some massage.

”If we are going to stop for such shit all the time, we will never get a good finish”, Lars said.

”I DON’T CARE, THOSE SEATS ARE KILLING ME!”, Carl said and after some complaining they found a massage studio. Lars sat patiently outside, just waiting for Carl to come out, which happened….quickly.

”DO YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE IDIOTS WERE CHARGING FOR IT?”, Carl said.

”Oh, so now it is not so important with massage, I guess?”, Lars answered.

”Nah, there must be a better idea”, Carl said.

”Oh well, we had to do a fuel stop anyway, so better do it now”, Lars said and found a gas station. While filling up the tank, Carl came out with a bargain.

”LOOK! FOR JUST A FRACTION OF THE PRICE I GOT THIS!”, he said, showing Lars a dusty carton with some weird contents.

”What is even that?”, Lars sighed.

”It is a fully electronic beaded seat cover with remote control and 14 different massage programmes, and the idiots even seemed to be happy to get rid of it! You just attach it to the cigar lighter outlet, and then…”

”What cigar lighter?”, Lars sighed and pointed at the interior of the Vaughn.

”Oh, well, I find a way to hotwire it, don’t worry”, Carl said, splicing some wiring under the dashboard, while Lars was mostly worried that it would start some fire while still refuelling the tank.

”Well, you’re at least the first one to install a…ehm, Taiwanese beaded seat cover with electric massage functions on a Sparco seat”, Lars sighed while going in to pay for the fuel.

While driving away, Carl was furious about the seat cover not doing anything more when pressing the buttons than giving off some slight buzzing and smelling like burnt toast.

”WE NEED TO GET BACK SO I CAN THROW IT INTO THE FACE OF THOSE IDIOTS!”, Carl said.

”How about no?”, Lars answered.

Arriving in Barcelona, they had a fight over the bananas.

”Hey, be careful with my banana box!”, Carl said when he thought Lars unloaded it a bit too reckless.

”I AM FED UP WITH YOUR BANANAS. STOP IT OR I WILL CALL YOU BANANA CARL FROM NOW ON! I throw them in the trash!” , Lars answered, very annoyed.

”YOU CAN DO WHATEVER YOU WANT IF YOU BUY THEM, BUT THAT IS MY PROPERTY!”

“YES, AND BROWN LIKE AN OLD IP URBANA BY TOMORROW! RAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”, Lars answered, raging from clearly having had enough, throwing the box away. Unfortunately it did hit the windshield of the Hooligans vehicle, sending them into Victor’s Imperator.

”Look at that idiot!”, Carl said. “Why did he park his car there, look how that ended up!”

After a small pause, Carl realized that most of his bananas now had turned into mush, and started raging at Lars instead.

”THOSE WERE MY BANANAS! You should pay for them!”, Carl said.

”No, they were OUR bananas, remember that you blew our entire food budget on them!”, Lars answered in a salty tone.

”OK, that’s it! We still have one box and that is all mine, NO MORE BANANAS FOR YOU!”

”What a punishment”, Lars said. “I guess I have to find some real food then”, he said, speeding off with the Vaughn to find some fast food takeout that could finally offer him something to eat that was a bit less…yellow.

Coming back to the hotel room after having some food, Lars found a raging Carl.

”WHAT A SHITHOLE OF A HOTEL THIS IS! LOOK! THE WINDOWS ARE ATTACHED WITH DUCT TAPE! WHAT COLOUR IS EVEN THIS FLOOR, IT LOOKS LIKE IF THEY POURED WASTE MOTOR OIL FROM A DIESEL OUT ON IT! AND YOU CAN FUCKING SEE THE STREETLIGHTS THROUGH THE CRACKS IN THE WALL, AND….”, Carl was screaming, totally furious.

”Yeah yeah, relax, we will just be here for one nigh…WHOA LOOK AT THAT!”, Lars said, pointing at a giant rat running through the room.

”HEY THAT RAT TOOK ONE OF MY BANANAS!”, Carl said, now leaving the room, very furious, to look for the hosts.

At the hotel bar, the Rhinos were chilling only to be interrupted by a rather upset Carl.

“Mr. Nilpferd, I have a complaint”, he said.

“NILFERT! Anyway, just go ahead”, Thomas said with a sigh.

“What kind of a shithole hotel is it that you have found, not even a homeless kid from the slum in Rio would accept to live here!”

“Yes, it is unfortunate”, Thomas said, “but can’t you really just endure this for just one night?”

“One night?”, Carl said in an annoyed voice. “I have a much bigger problem than that!”

“So…? What is it then?”

“A huge rat ran away with one of my bananas!”

“Is that really a problem?”, Thomas said, “that’s one less banana for you to disturb us with…”

“I AM GOING TO DISTURB YOU UNTIL YOU PAY ME FOR THE BANANA”, Carl said in an angry tone. Thomas was looking at Chanty, that just had calmed down, and didn’t want to see her upset again. There was a better way to solve this, he was sure.

“Listen, I will buy you a drink, and then we forget about this, deal?”

“Yeah, for sure”, Carl said.

After finishing his drink, Carl seemed to not have understood a single thing, once again asking Thomas when he was going to pay for the lost banana. “Banana?”, Thomas said. “Really? I bought you a drink that costs like a whole bunch of bananas, have you already forgotten?”

“YES BUT IF THE BANANA HAD NOT DISAPPEARED I WOULD HAVE HAD BOTH A DRINK AND A BANANA”.

Victor, that really was starting to have enough, told Carl that sometimes when making bussiness, you really had to accept compromises. “You should listen to Victor, he is a successful bussinessman”, Chanty said.

“THEN WHY IS HE SO STUPID THAT HE WOULD ACCEPT COMPROMISES, MONEY LOST IS MONEY YOU WILL NEVER SEE AGAIN!”. You could see some rage forming in Victor’s eyes, but Thomas was looking at him, making a face that said "please don’t make Chanty run away again.

“So when are you going to pay for my banana?”, Carl asked Thomas again.

“I don’t think you should yell at my dad”, Chanty told Carl. “He is cool and he arranges a race and…”

“THEN HE SHOULD KNOW BETTER THAN MAKING US SLEEP AT THIS SHITHOLE HOTEL!”, Carl yelled.

“It’s unfortunate for now, but I have already solved that for the future”, Victor said. “I bought the whole fucking hotel and I am going to restore it.”

“RESTORE IT?”, Carl asked. “ARE YOU FUCKING STUPID, WHAT IS THAT GOING TO COST?”

“Eh, I will make money from it in the end, and besides I can use government subsidies for…”, Victor answered, only to be interrupted by Carl.

“THE GOVERNMENT CAN GO TO HELL, THEY ONLY WANT TO TAKE AWAY YOUR MONEY!”

“OK, anyway, the answer to your question is PROBABLY MORE MONEY THAN YOU EVER WILL SEE IN YOUR LIFE, THAT’S THE COST!”, Victor answered, now becoming pretty annoyed.

“SO YOU HAVE ALL THAT MONEY BUT YOU CAN’T EVEN PAY ME FOR MY BANANA, YOU CHEAP IDIOTS!”, Carl yelled, while Victor said that he soon would be back, and left the bar for the hotel kitchen. Soon, Victor came back with a banana and gave it to Carl.
*
“Are you satisfied now?”*, he asked, staring at Carl like if he was the worst idiot he had ever seen, which probably wasn’t far from the truth.

“No, why would I be?”, Carl asked.

“SO WHAT IS WRONG NOW?”, Victor said, being even more annoyed.

“IF THE RAT HAD NOT TAKEN MY BANANA I WOULD HAVE HAD TWO BANANAS NOW!”

That was enough for Victor that grabbed Carl and told him to leave the bar for tonight, leading him to the door.

“I AM GOING TO CALL THE OWNER OF THE HOTEL! I WILL MAKE SURE THAT HE NEVER LETS YOU VISIT HERE AGAIN!”, Carl yelled when Victor showed him the door.

“Yes. Do that!”, Victor said, slamming the door shut with a loud bang.

***TO BE CONTINUED

Teams mentioned: The Rhinos / @Happyhungryhippo

Happyhungryhippo · 21 January 2026 23:46

STAGE 3: BARCELONA-NICE

First of all, I am sorry to be a bit late, but real life goes over this. Also, I have to make an announcement. As our new ridiculously strict AI rules on the forum would make ChatGPT giving me random numbers would be propably forbidden “AI enhanced content”, I from now on ask my neighbour. Just to be sure I can bring this to an end here….

Departure: 12 degrees, no rain. The first car started at 8 AM from the parking lot- the slowest first, the fastest last. As always. Chantal wore her hoodie because with t-shirt only, she was freezing.

Arrival: 13 Degrees, dry, Chantal did not bother to put off her hoodie, as she thought it´s not really warm weather. First to arrive was a raging Victor (!), while Team Tankered and the Americans struggled with defective vehicles and arrived late. A business friend of Victor opened his property for the rally participants, welcomening them because he owed Victor “a favor”. For what, well, that seems to be a well-kept secret, even to Thomas as Victors best friend.

Accomodation:

Victors business partner René opened his mansion and generous property to accommodate all the vehicles and provide his bathrooms and asked his housemaids to provide a good catering.

Let´s have a look at the breakdowns:

Team M_F_E: 36 minutes because of a steam valve on that very weird engine not closing anymore, so that the car rolled out without power. The fix was simple and effective.

DYCT: 59 minutes because the car was overloaded with weight and had a traffic stop by the Guardia Civil.

Faolan Industries: A flat tire caused a delay of 47 minutes - they had to read first how to use Tirefit correctly-

Cats Luck: This time, Setty was recognized as social media star at a food stop, and needed 92 minutes to have a spontaneous fan event.

Vecchi Straddi: 138 minutes for a broken windshield from a stone chip. They were lucky to find a workshop nearby that had the correct part in stock and installed immediately.

Team Chitko: The Kontir had some hickups. Until they found out the spark plugs were crap, they needed 74 minutes - also because Pi could not remember where she stored these small spares in their vehicle.

Team Grindhouse: Vaughn has not fixed the fuel line permanently after his first breakdown. Now he has to face 110 minutes for a better attempt at a temporary fix.

Team Tankered: The clutch pedal got stuck - the old hydraulics were a pain to fix, adding 124 minutes.

The Americans: The seat heater of the driver seat got stuck. A very unpleasant thing, especially if the upholstery felt like being on fire. They pulled the wrong fuse of their Makuda and the control units gave a nice lightshow in the dash - after 160 minutes, they continued without issues.

RESULTS

@Happyhungryhippo TRS, @Mikonp7 Threadkillers, @SheikhMansour Spy Kids and @variationofvariables Scuderia Philomena, 486 minutes
@Madrias Highway Hooligans with 513 minutes
@Portalkat42 Faolan, 533 minutes
@Xeos_lol Invasion, @breadtheloaf the Derg Duo and @bulba Natural Stupidity, 540 minutes
@MrdjaNikolen Chitko, 560 minutes
@Knugcab LA Racing, 567 minutes
@shibusu SSS, 594 minutes
@Angelustyle DYCT, 599 minutes
@Elizipeazie M-F-E, 603 minutes
@UnderlovedGhost Cat´s Luck, 605 minutes
@DrDoomD1scord Grindhouse, 623 minutes
@eggspac Vecchi Straddi, 678 minutes
@moroza Team Tankered, 691 minutes
@TheYugo45GV The Americans, 700 minutes

STANDINGS AFTER STAGE 3

Scuderia Philomena, 1282,5 minutes
Faolan, 1314,5 minutes
TRS, 1342,5 minutes
Spy Kids, 1411,5 minutes
Threadkillers, 1414,5 minutes
SSS and Chitko, 1416,5 minutes
Derg Duo, 1425 minutes
Invasion, 1458 minutes
DYCT, 1469 minutes
LA Racing, 1499 minutes
Grindhouse, 1504 minutes
Highway Hooligans, 1530 minutes
M_F_E, 1545 minutes
Vecchi straddi, 1548 minutes
Cat´s Luck and The Americans, 1585 minutes
Natural Stupidity, 1590,5 minutes
Team Tankered, 1794 minutes

Happyhungryhippo · 10 February 2026 19:28

STAGE 4: NICE-MATTERHORN

Yes, I am a bit late, but I am not too well these days, and I am honest now, if there had been any signs of activity, I would have forced myself to continue waaaaay earlier. But it is how it is, and I will not just abandon a challenge.

Departure: 11 degrees, no rain. The first car started at 8 AM from the parking lot- the slowest first, the fastest last. As always.

Arrival: 2 Degrees. Still a bit warm for the region and altitude.

For all participants, Victor offers his chalet near Zermatt. Pretty of winter sports to do, or just get drunk at Victors bar. The next day (15.12.) is free of any stages, what doesnt prevent the entrants from messing around with cars - or they use the time for repairs.

Accomodation:

Victors mansion is huge and offers plenty of space, even for 19 teams - he has a nice side income with a built-in small hotel in this popular area, because he is in Switzerland only briefly and for tax reason: Most of the year he considers the area as too cold.

Let´s have a look at the breakdowns:

Team M_F_E: 86 minutes because no gas station offered them coal for the steam car - and the supermarkets were low on that desired good. A detour was inevitable to refill.

DYCT: 102 minutes because it seems eating stuff with Lactose wasn´t a good idea

The Derg Duo: The exhaust fell off, but was still somehow attatched and caused impressive sparks next to the leaking fuel line. Terrance insisted on fixing it asap. It took 121 minutes, because the hot metal had to cool down first.

Natural Stupidity: 115 Minutes because, well, stupidity took place: Alberto held the map the wrong way and Richard didnt notice that he got wrong suggestions… when they found out, they lost quite a bit of time.

Chitko: 113 minutes because the Kontirs brakes didnt like mountain roads, and they had to reduce speed. Andrea didn´t drive hard at all, but the heavy weight of the vehicle did its job.

Team Tankered: Marko Zora said “Our car breaks down anyway all the time, then we can as well try to be fast until it does so”. His manic driving, including a very fast gearshift, broke the connection between gearbox and lever. 120 minutes later, and a lof of cursing, the almost 100 year old DCMW continuted.

RESULTS

@Happyhungryhippo TRS, @Mikonp7 Threadkillers, @SheikhMansour Spy Kids, @portalkat42 Faolan, @shibusu SSS and @variationofvariables Scuderia Philomena, 324 minutes
@Madrias Highway Hooligans, @DrDoomD1scord Grindhouse and @breadtheloaf Derg Duo with 342 minutes
@TheYugo45GV The Americans, eggspac Vecchi Straddi and @Xeos_lol Team Invasion, 360 minutes
@Knugcab LA Racing, 378 minutes
@moroza Team Tankered, 424 minutes
@Elizipeazie M_F_E, 464 minutes
@MrdjaNikolen, Chitko, 473 minutes
@bulba Natural Stupidity, 475 minutes
@Angelustyle DYCT, 480 minutes
@breadtheloaf The Derg Duo, 481 minutes

STANDINGS AFTER STAGE 4

Scuderia Philomena, 1606,5 minutes
Faolan, 1638,5 minutes
TRS, 1666,5 minutes
Spy Kids, 1735,5 minutes
Threadkillers, 1738,5 minutes
SSS, 1740,5 minutes
Invasion, 1818 minutes
Grindhouse, 1846 minutes
Highway Hooligans, 1872 minutes
LA Racing, 1877 minutes
Chitko, 1889,5 minutes
Derg Duo, 1906 minutes
Vecchi Straddi, 1908 minutes
Cat´s Luck, 1927 minutes
The Americans, 1945 minutes
DYCT, 1949 minutes
M_F_E, 2009 minutes
Natural Stupidity, 2065,5 minutes
Team Tankered, 2218 minutes