Machinas Con Passione’s Shitbox Adventures EP. 4 - Rock, Stock, and Two Smoking Headers.
Sorry friends, I was very busy this past week, literally didn’t have time to make a write up, so here’s the tl;dr of what MCP did during the first stage.
>Be Giacomo.
>Co-drive for Thibault, the famous ex-WRC driver.
>Have no idea how to navigate.
>Winginit.png.
>Belt out every slight change in direction at the top of my lungs, going only off of the map.
>Get kicked by Maria, while she peeks out of the hatch.
>Continue to scream out every slight change in direction, because fast van go brr.
>Get punched by Thibault.
>Avoid suddenly stopped Freeway Star.
>Catch a whiff of suddenly stopped freeway star
>o h y e a h.
>l i v i n l i k e l a r r y
>Finish stage in one piece. Somehow.
>Long story short, no longer co-driver.
>Try to swim in the lake while at least 5 other teams are in it.
>Have never taken swimming lessons.
>Drown.
>Get rescued.
>Get revived.
>Feels good man.
>Another win for the Scarfiottis.
This next stage hopefully I have more time for proper interactions lol.
While Marie was away, Janne and Andreas managed to set up the tent, albeit very slowly, but it finally was there, and that was all that mattered. The team was now very drowsy from the smell of the mercy bush and needed rest for the night.
JANNE: Hahahaha… Where is Marie? hahahaha ANDREAS: Oh…probably she is out…birdwatching. JANNE: Don’t she know about the bird? ANDREAS: Everybody knows that the bird is the word
(A short while later) JANNE: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ…the bird is the word…ZZZZZZZZZZZ ANDREAS: ZZZZZZZZZZZZ…don’t you know about the bird…ZZZZZZZZZZZ MARIE: Oh…fuck…hahahahahaha…they are already asleep…hahahahahah, uhm well…ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
A loud thump was heard when Marie fell to the ground, something that didn’t really matter to her. She just kept on sleeping, despite being outside the tent.
The cool breeze rustled the leaves outside the tent as Malcolm sat up straight, He was no longer on the rocky river bank where he’d found those sweet smelling plants, but safely inside his tent near the Magistrate. Without a second thought, Malcolm reached into his bag and rummaged around in it making sure not to wake up K’mino, before getting the holographic message projector from his bag. It powered on at the press of a button and the blue aura began to fill the tent. Upon pressing play a hologram of a lombax appeared and began to speak.
“Hello, you might not know who I am, but that is not relevant right now. The reason you’re watching and listening to this message, is that you are our civilization’s last hope. The only thing that lies between the extinction of our kind and survival is the Artefact. I’m unsure of what it is or what it does but it apparently is our last hope to eliminate this threat. Our first lead is the planet Sol III, home to a very large but primitive civilization. This is all we know for now, there’s no further information we’ve been able to recover from that space craft. Let the bright star guide your way and good luck.”
Just as the message cut off a metallic snap was heard coming from the general direction of the Magistrate followed the crunch of tires on the gravel. Neither of these sounds meant something good. Malcolm’s fears were confirmed when he peeked out the tent and found the Magistrate was no longer in its original spot, but rolling backwards down the hill towards the camp, too late for any attempt to jump in and stop it. The Magistrate picked up more and more momentum as it headed right for the pink IP van parked at the bottom of the hill.
The Magistrate jolted when reached the bottom of the incline, but at this point everyone on board was awake.
“Uh, Aedan can you move any faster?”
“I’m trying to! I can’t get my–”
The crunch of the Dione’s front bumper being ripped off was felt through the cabin.
Pavel’s eyes widened. “You might want to hurry up over there, We are heading right for that pink van, fast!.”
Aedan put his foot on the brake, and the Magistrate slowed down mere seconds before it hit the pink IP, but it still hit it with a resounding thud that surely woke up the whole camp.
“I really hope no one is super upset with us.”
“Well, we just hit two cars and probably woke up the whole camp, so I’m sure they will be, Ori.”
“You sure are an optimist.”
To Be Continued (I decided to include both parts in one post.)
Their little chit-chat session with team Team Mravolinski-Chitco was pleasant, albeit inconclusive regarding the advice given to them. They head back to their trusty Tank™ and plan ahead for a bit.
“Should we try having Connor drive again tomorrow? I mean… he’s won’t get tired on the way there, right?”, Tim remarks, having learned that driving while basically asleep ain’t a good idea.
“I won’t stop him, unless he turns the car into a tractor again with the way he did the shifting before…”, Constantin counters, having witnessed the sorry attempt of changing gear for the entire time.
Connor turns towards Constantin in response to being ridiculed for his poor shifting: “The device tuning seems to have improved response times and accuracy. Though i, as of yet, cannot guarantee the improvements carrying over to vehicle operation.”
Valentin: “Why not try it? I mean… car’s here and dry-shifting won’t harm it with the clutch on the floor…”
With that said, Connor takes place in the drivers seat, the other three surrounding him next to the open driver’s door of the Tangerine Tank™. Tim decides to turn it into a bit of a game, calling the desired gear at random to test Connor’s abilities. The first few shifts noticeably rock the car as Connor is still adjusting to the new profile in this context, but it soon smooths out substantially. What once effectively was about on par with a 60s intercity bus in terms of speed and smoothness turned into crisp and fluid modern-day gear changes.
“Seems to be working.”, Valentin states, having brought up that idea in the first place. “Yep. You’re driving.”; Tim adds, knowing that Connor won’t do much to oppose him unless he has a valid reason to. And it seems like he doesn’t given that he just looks at them, handing back a crisp “Yes” in response.
With that set, they head into their respective beds without issue.
timeskip of about to four Aetherian hours
It’s the middle of the night now. Valentin was sleeping rather well, being able to tolerate the heat better than the others due to his lanky build and sheer height allowing his body to shed more of it compared to Tim and Constantin. Constantin didn’t seem too phased about that with the better airflow in his quarters, whereas Tim was having issues staying asleep, drifting in and out periodically.
At some point, during which Tim actually was sleeping, an impacts sends a jolt through the car as the Magistrate of Team Oil Crisis rams into the Dutch patriotism-mobile (cuz orange, haha ), tearing it’s bumper clean off.
The inertia causes both Tim and Valentin to roll about, ending worse for the latter as he rolls face first into the nearside rear door card. Constantin’s tent did not hold up, covering him in his rain-cover tarp. Though as is customary, he simply keeps on sleeping like the badass chad that he is. Also, the car was pushed into Connor next to it, stumbling a bit before regaining balance, now out of night-time stasis.
“What was that?”, Tim rumbles as he sits up in the car, looking around. “Hrrrrngghh… I don’t knoow…”, Valentin replies, taking a fair bit longer to get up to speed. Connor, ignoring the process of waking up altogether, already knew what was going on:
“The Union Motors Magistrate, driven by team oil crisis has unintentionally impacted our vehicle. It seems like a mechanical problem with their parking brake assembly.”
Valentin pokes his head out of the window to see the Magistrate coming to a stop near the bright pink van of the Hillbilly Rollers. Tim saw the same through the windshield: “Anything broken?”, he asks.
“The front bumper assembly has come off as a result of the impact”, Connor replies immediately before inspecting the damage more closely. “Reattaching the bumper without specialized parts will not be possible.” "CURSE YOU, PERRY THE PLATYPUS TEAM OIL CRISIS!!!", Tim shouts towards the Magistrate in rage, much to the annoyance of Valentin: “Was that reeally necessary?” He simply goes back to sleep, not wanting to deal with the trouble stirred up by someone else. Well… he tries anyway.
Not long after, he’s joined by Tim as well, as they didn’t seem to notice him.
The peaceful sleep lasted all of 45 seconds, as some random horn can be heard blaring across the entirety of the camp. All three team members are immediately awoken. Constantin quickly heads up front, poking his head into the Dione, just to get screamed at by Tim: "FUCK OFF AND KEEP QUIET, WHOEVER THAT WAS!
Valentin was much less vocal about his annoyance about all the disturbance in the middle of the night, not that he was able to given the rather long time it take for him to be considered awake. “Tim… you’re not fixing the problem by aggressively shouting at it… Just shut up already…”, he groans and plonks down again, though he does manage to spot the Bricksley in the distance while the door was slammed shut by Jayde. “It’s those Tiger people who fixed Connor up… Go blare at them in person if you really want to…”, Valentin adds, curling up to the best of his ability to “shield” himself from any future noise echoing across the camp.
Constantin was also pissed at being awoken without reason. Though Valentin did have a point and as such, he just swallows his pride and returns to the back, falling asleep rather quickly once in his sleeping bag. Tim had enough decency to not waltz halfway across camp wearing just briefs and was not so angry to warrant the process of getting at least a set of pants and some shoes on.
note:
they probably heard it, but Tim can’t be assed either to deal with this now.
“What the fuck!?” Kaylie yelled, having just gotten to sleep.
“Really?” Malavera added, getting out of his tent and looking at the chaos. “We’re doing a demolition derby around the camp?”
Kayden kept sleeping, oblivious to everything until a very-pissed-off Kaylie yelled, “Fine! If I can’t sleep, no one’s sleeping!” just before climbing over the front bench and planting her left foot into the Bricksley’s horn, which blared feebly in the night. She sat up, started the engine, and promptly stomped on the accelerator, the V8 roaring its defiance just long enough to guarantee anyone who wasn’t awake now had a good reason to be. With her frustration vented, she turned the air conditioning on and laid down in the front bench to rest, letting the Bricksley idle. Kayden groaned, then got out of his tent long enough to glare at his sister, though knew better than to go anywhere near her if he didn’t want to get kicked in the crotch.
“Kaylie!” Rukari yelled. “By Xelth’s twin tails, turn that off!”
“Make me!” Kaylie yelled back, jabbing the power lock switch and rolling the windows up.
Jayde sighed, shook his head, and crawled out of his tent, dressed in nothing more than a thin pair of linen undershorts, a nasty looking bite scar quite visible on his right shoulder and his left leg shown to everyone who cared to look. He limped over to the Bricksley, opened the driver’s door despite Kaylie continuously trying to lock it every time the lock popped back up, reached in past the fiesty tigress, and turned off the truck. Before he left, Jayde pulled the keys out of the ignition, slapped the lock on the truck, and closed the door in Kaylie’s face.
“My fucking nose!” Kaylie said, scowling as she’d gotten a faceful of window for her troubles in trying to get the keys back.
Kivenaal looked over at Jayde, then said to Rukari, “We’re gonna have to teach him how to drive at some point, you know.”
“True. But not tonight. Not tomorrow, either,” Rukari said.
19/07/3251, 1-and-30 Sun
NV, USA → Jaduvira, Crugandr
After an hour on the road, the team is in a conversational mood with a few interesting things happening along the way.
Andy: Right fellas, what's it like back there?
Jay: Well theres not really much to say, it’s all quite frugal and Japanese, lots of legroom though mate,
Andy: You’re not just saying that because I’m short are you?
Ed: Well to put it this way, the other seat is moved forward and I have just about as much legroom as Jay does!
Andy: Yeah alright then.
Jay: How’s she driving anyways?
Andy: Everythings pretty good, feels responsive and it doesn’t even feel like its used really,
Jay: Give it the beans, then!
Andy gives the car said beans, and the engine, well;
Jay: Well?
Andy: My foot is literally flat to the floor.
Ed: Are we moving any faster?
Jay: Not quite, it’s just making more noise
Ed spots a small flashing electrical device fitted underneath the dashboard next to the glovebox and brings it up to the guys.
Ed: What's that flashing thing next to the radio, Andy?
Andy: You know I’ve got no idea what that is, and I forgot about it until now. I saw it when we picked up the car but assumed it was one of those toll ticket things they have over in Japan.
Jay: Well it’s got a button on it, what does that say, transmit?
Andy: You reckon its a walkie talkie or something? Ooh, maybe we could talk to someone on the road and see how they’re doing with this.
Jay: Give it here, I’ll figure it out.
As the three keep driving across the tree-lined cobbled road, suspension bouncing the small stash of supplies in the boot gently and Andy attempting to avoid all the dips and rocks along the way, everything seems fine in the car, apart from the glovebox suddenly opening and scaring everyone.
19/07/3251, 5 Sun
Andy and Jay are currently awake whilst Ed sleeps, and are planning a small practical joke.
Andy: Jay have you got the permanent marker?
Jay: Yeah, here it is, but be careful not to wake him up.
They enter the tent to a sleeping Ed, and proceed to draw funny things on his face.
Andy: That's proper funny, time to leave.
Jay: I’m not looking forward to tommorow morning, haha,
"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipiscing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum.
Mel was stirred from her deep slumber by a series of quick tugs on her legs. Taking care to not smash her face into the rear windshield, she quickly sat up and felt around in the waning darkness of the early dawn. Her platinum blonde hair was in a mess, with a lock somehow ending up in her mouth, and her whole back was damp with perspiration. She felt her suitcase of clothes and various other pieces of equipment strewn about except for Tanuki, whose sleeping bag was still warm.
Although Mel had packed a tent, last night the two girls opted to sleep inside for extra protection. By tilting the seats forward and moving them all the way to the front, they could lay down in the trunk area and prop their legs on the seat backs or simply let them rest on the rear bulkhead separating the cabin from the trunk.
“Hey, hey! Meru-chan! Wake up! Come on!” Tanuki whispered, holding Mel’s ankles and shaking them to further wring the tiredness out of her. Supporting herself against the B pillar, Mel rubbed her eyes and let out a soft yawn as if it was just any other morning.
“I’m awake, I’m awake!” Mel croaked, unzipping her own sleeping bag and sliding out. The air in the Dauer was suffocating, hot, and stale, a result of them forgetting to crack the sunroof open for venting. A layer of moisture covered most of the windows, distinct objects becoming dark shades against a translucent dark blue sky. “What’s wrong? Are we starting?”
“Everyone else is packing up! It could start at any moment!” There Tanuki sat in the passenger seat, wearing a black sleeveless crop turtleneck and black denim short shorts that exposed acres of her toned legs. She held a 12-gauge Mossberg 500 with black synthetic furniture and bounced impatiently in the bucket seat. “I need to use the bathroom! Keep watch!” Pushing the shotgun into Mel’s lap, she opened her door and ran to the trees.
Grumbling, Mel quickly changed into a new set of clothes, the primary elements consisting of light blue denim short shorts and a red flannel shirt tied into a crop top over a white camisole. She crawled on all fours to Tanuki’s warmed passenger seat and slid her sneakers on, then went outside with a jug of water and her bag of toiletries. She was immediately blasted with a warm gust, which seemed unusual at this time of the day. Indeed, the other teams were hurriedly stowing away their tents and cargo and performing last-minute checks on their cars. Seeing that there wasn’t much time left, Mel washed her face and brushed her teeth before quickly checking up on the Dauer. Oil levels, tire pressure, and battery voltage were all in an acceptable range, and the electronics were in perfect working order. She opened the driver’s door, tilted her seat back into position, and sat inside waiting for whatever was going to come next.
And wait she did, for a grand total of maybe 3 minutes before the unmistakable crack of a single gunshot tore through the entire campsite. Mel instantly ducked down into the passenger seat and clutched the Mossberg as shouts and screams from the other teams broke out all around her. Doors slammed shut, and one by one the haphazardly-modified shitboxes sputtered to life. Peeking over the dashboard, Mel saw the other teams’ cars start to haul ass, leaving clouds of dirt and smoke in their place.
“MEL!” Tanuki’s shrieking was still clearly audible over the clamor of panicked yelling and smoke-belching exhausts connected to engines that bounced off their rev limiters. Out of nowhere, she slid across the Dauer’s hood in one smooth motion, flinging the passenger door open and practically leaping inside. “Come on, COME ON! The rally is starting!!!”
Vocal cords failed to operate as Mel’s instincts kicked into overdrive. She stomped on the clutch and spun the key in the ignition. Eight weary chirps from the starter motor, then the boxer-6 burst into life with a volley of explosions that launched a gust of fumes and sprayed condensation from its two exhaust tips. Mel felt its vigorous rumbling rattle her bones and its punchy soundtrack pound her chest, for even at idle the unmistakable signature of the 632 S was deafeningly obvious.
With a single movement of her right hand and a flash of precise footwork, that same rumbling idle turned into a crescendo punctuated by pops and crackles from the flame-spitting exhaust. The rear wheels became cyclones of alloy, rubber, and steel that threw up a smokescreen of dust, decaying into weak vortices as the Dauer flew by. Tanuki was thrown firmly back into her seat as if someone had hit her with a golf cart, letting out a very accented “HOLY SHIT!” that could barely be heard over the howling of the exhaust and the whooshing of the intake. In a matter of seconds, the yellow, red, and blue wedge had turned into a mere singularity that faded into the distance, leaving a wake of particulate sand and exhaust gasses behind it. It clawed its way through narrow roads and flung itself deeper and deeper into exotic foreign lands beyond all recognition, over streets of dust that gave way to expressways of cobblestone and under an unfamiliar, alien sun.
Under Mel’s precise, disciplined control, the Dauer hooked itself through corners like a rollercoaster on a track, providing similar nausea-inducing effects that would’ve been far worse with a stock suspension setup. Long-travel control arms kept every tire planted on the uneven road surface and made navigating over smaller obstacles a breeze, even at higher speeds. However, it was as much of a curse as it was a blessing; they quickly found that although it was effective at providing good roadholding capabilities and handled jumps well, it was a literal pain in the ass to deal with whether on a pleasant cruise or a blood pressure-raising rally stage.
“Why the hell are you driving so slow?! Step on it!” Tanuki snapped, clinging onto the grab handle above her head as Mel guided the Dauer through a gentle curve that was more like a cooked straight. “We’re getting beaten by crossovers and 50 year old rustbuckets!”
“Look, do you want to end up in a closed casket or get there in one piece? Because I have no idea where the bloody hell I’m going, and it’s been nothing but blind turns!” Mel’s shouts were eventually overpowered by the sound of six horizontally-opposed pistons reciprocating faster and faster with a deafening soprano. Her foot lifted off the throttle as she shifted up and straightened the wheel, rewarding their tired ears with a series of pops and bangs from the exhaust. As the cobblestone roads sped away under four tires that gripped them in confidence, the unchanging impasse of dense forest continuously appeared from just beyond the bend and darted past the two on either side in a blur of greens and browns mixed together.
If there was art to be found in science and engineering, then the Dauer was a living, breathing melody that pleased the senses and stimulated the soul. The mechanical transmission through every shift, the symphonic intake and exhaust notes, and the raised suspension bouncing rigidly over every undulation in the road surface collectively gave way to an overflow of raw emotion, a new kind of thrill that was completely foreign to Tanuki. For the last few years, no day was ever the same as the last, but the one constant that remained was the battlefield and conflict that seemed to follow her wherever she went. Although she grew accustomed to the burst of adrenaline that she associated so closely with the sporadic, ruthless pace of a skirmish or firefight, she now found herself digging her feet into the floor mats and white knuckling whatever interior surface she could hold onto whenever the rear tires started to step out during a sketchy turn or whenever they narrowly missed a stray obstacle or tree trunk at over 80 miles per hour. Mel took notice of Tanuki’s sudden silence; was the ruthless, battle-hardened, playful war criminal finally humbled by the looming proximity of death?
This question would not remain rhetorical, evidenced by a white wedge-shaped silhouette suddenly darting around the vertical horizon of the forest canopy, and on a trajectory zeroed right for the Dauer. Tanuki’s shriek came thereafter, her body thrown sideways against the five-point racing harness as Mel jerked the steering wheel to the right. The triple-hued coupe responded swiftly and with delicate precision, immediately changing direction and swerving towards the right side of the stopped white minivan without as much as a single chirp from the tires. As Mel straightened the wheel, the MCP AWSB transmuted into a white blur that zipped by in a split second with an audible whoosh, nearly clipping the Dauer’s left side mirror. Clearing this unexpected obstacle with relative ease, Mel now had to steer to the left in order to avoid becoming one with a rapidly-approaching tree trunk, and again the 632 S spun on a dime as it straightened itself pointing down the cobblestone road, remaining balanced and stable throughout the violent, sudden maneuver.
“DUMBASS!” Tanuki screamed as she leaned out her window, brandishing her Mossberg 500 at the white minivan that quickly faded into a singularity behind them. Watching them fade into the distance, she sat back down in her seat and set the shotgun aside. “What the hell are they thinking, stopping in the middle of the road like that! They could’ve gotten us killed! Next time Meru, don’t even stop or make way for these bastards. RUN THEM DOWN!”
“Are you mad?” Mel shouted over the overwhelming wind buffeting and tire noise as they flew over a particularly bumpy section of road, fighting the steering wheel as she made minor corrections in the Dauer’s trajectory to keep it from flying off. “Have you seen some of the other cars? If we ram them, they’re going to be the ones walking away, not us!”
Unbeknownst to the quarreling duo as they barreled down cobblestone roads so rough that their firm race buckets turned into massaging seats, a sudden substantial bulge in the surface was quickly approaching the car. It forced itself under the front tires, and after uprooting the rear set, the Dauer catapulted itself through the air at a blinding pace. As soon as Mel saw the roads fall away from her peripheral vision and the great blue expanse take up the entirety of her windshield, she screamed and gripped the steering wheel so tightly until her fingernails dug into her palms, drawing blood. Her hair grew weightless and started to float, the horizon and the forests it bordered coming back into view as time seemed to slow into a standstill. Over the cacophony of the boxer-6 bouncing off the rev limiter, Tanuki was also screaming. This time, however, instead of bracing for impact or holding onto the oh shit handles, she raised her hands, and Mel realized in a brief moment of lucidity that Tanuki wasn’t actually screaming in fear. If anything, it sounded like she was enjoying it. It sounded like she was laughing.
The front set of tires touched ground with relative ease, but it was the rear slamming into the ground as if it was dropped from the Empire State Building that hurt. “FUCK ME!” Mel screamed as the Dauer crash-landed and nearly bottomed out the rear suspension. It felt as if they got rear-ended by a freight train, and were it not for the racing harnesses and upgraded suspension the two of them would have most certainly been internally decapitated or turned into paraplegics. As she gasped deep breaths and wrestled the car back into control, Tanuki howled with high-pitched laughter, completely unfazed. “Where the hell did that come from?! You ok?”
“Yabeeee~!” Tanuki cooed, still quivering from the rush of adrenaline from when they initially went airborne. “Meru, Meru! When we finish this stage, turn back! I want to do that jump again!”
“Have you lost your mind?” Mel winced, shooting an are-you-fucking-kidding-me glare at Tanuki, as lively as ever. “I think I shattered my tailbone after that!”
The cobblestone road quickly gave way to a grand clearing, presenting before them a river that parted the unending sea of woodland. On the adjacent side was what appeared to be the site of a former lumber mill, and on the other a humble settlement composed of buildings and homes constructed out of wood and other materials from the land. To Mel’s surprise and Tanuki’s disappointment, however, it appeared that half of the rally entourage had already arrived before they did and were setting up camp. A green Eastern bloc truck, the MCP AWSB from before, and an unassuming white hatchback arrived in that order shortly after they did, which only added to their emotions. Mel parked the Dauer on the edge of the riverbank, making sure that they wouldn’t be too isolated from the others. With the arrival of the final car, the Anhultz Dione, the first stage formally came to an end, and all of the teams set up camp by the riverside.
For dinner, Mel started a small fire to boil some water, which she used to heat up two servings of instant rice and boil some canned chicken, carrots, potatoes, and onions together to make some botched chicken soup. “Dinner’s ready!” she called out to Tanuki, who had just finished cleaning her HK416. She washed her hands and skipped over, sitting down in front of the fire and warming herself up. “Watch the bowl, it may be hot,” Mel said, handing her a tray of steaming hot rice and a bowl of heterogeneous chicken soup.
Tanuki balanced the tray of rice on her lap and turned away, moved her facemask down, then brought a spoonful of the poultry-and-veggie concoction to her mouth. She remained silent for some time, processing the many different flavors splayed across her palate. Mel wouldn’t admit it to anyone else, but waiting for Tanuki’s verdict on her cooking was more nerve wracking than when she met her the first time.
Fortunately, Mel’s anxiety was short-lived. “Mmmmm! Suge~!” Tanuki swooned, bouncing her legs as she chewed and swallowed the lukewarm, watery elixir. Moving her face mask back up, she turned back to Mel in approval. “Heh, not bad, intern! Keep this up and maybe I’ll give you a promotion!”
“Thanks!” Mel almost caught herself smirking a little. Intern? Is that what she’s calling me now “It’s far from perfect, though. I wish I could’ve brought some of my spices, or maybe some milk to make it creamier instead of this… chicken cereal with water.” After rinsing the pot and spatula, she got her own servings of rice and chicken soup and sat down across from Tanuki.
“Oi!” Tanuki shouted, startling Mel. “Not there. Back to back.”
“Oh, right.” She got up and sat behind Tanuki, and the two of them leaned against each other as they faced opposite directions. “Just curious… what would happen if I did see your face?”
“Well~,” Tanuki smiled as she took off her mask, “I could show you if you really wanted. But you know what they say… curiosity killed the cat!”
“Right!” Mel nodded once in acceptance. “I figured. How about why, then?”
“Daring today, aren’t we!”
Effectively discouraged from prying any more, Mel and Tanuki ate in peace for some minutes, taking the time to savor their soulful meals.
“You know, it never crossed my mind that a terrorist organization would have a company card,” Mel chimed as she scraped at her empty bowl with her spoon. “And I’m even more surprised that the Walmart self-checkout accepted it.”
Tanuki scoffed as if Mel had just said something so blatantly obvious (to her at least, it was). “Tch. Of course! We may be a PMC, but we’re still a legitimate business! We’re not like those madmen who run around with car bombs, beheading random journalists, calling themselves ‘radical extremists’ or ‘free state republics!’ We’re professionals, and professionals have standards.”
“Riiiiight,” Mel nodded. “Terrorists with standards… fuck me.”
“Hey, did you take a look at the other teams when we were still driving?” Tanuki asked. “How the hell are all of these bastards beating us?! Aren’t Germans supposed to make the best weapons and sports cars?” She put her face mask back on and turned around in place, tapping Mel’s shoulder to get her attention so they could both face each other. “In a rally like this where anything can happen, we can’t rely on pure speed alone… we need an element of surprise! If nobody is going to play fair, then we won’t either! We make a perfect team, Meru-chan! I’ll leave the driving to you, but if anyone tries to mess with us…” Mel could see her eyes sparkle with flames, even behind the nearly-opaque black glass of her sunglasses. She leaned closer until their noses almost touched. “Hey, Mel, ever fired an RPG-29 before?”
“Absolutely not! We are not blowing anyone up! But… you do make a good point. We need to rethink our strategy, because clearly having the fastest car isn’t enough to guarantee us a win. Besides, the rally’s only just started… anything could go arse up over tits at any moment! I’m not counting on anything happening just yet, including us winning or losing.” Mel responded, naturally erring on the side of caution. “Besides, we haven’t even seen what the other teams are capable of just yet.”
“How about that red SUV?” Tanuki chimed, pointing in its direction further down the riverbank. “Did you see how fast those guys were going! Plus, it’s a 4WD! I think they could be powerful allies!”
“I’ve had my eyes on them too,” Mel nodded. “ Or that white hatchback that came in not long after us. Whoever it is, we need to act fast. I’m a bit sussed out by this rally, to be frank with you. If the first stage is already this chaotic, who knows what’s going to happen next.”
Weather at Stage Start: Warm and humid, with a strong breeze.
Weather at mid-stage: Slightly warmer (still cool for Crugandr, about 90F or 32C.), less humid, windy
Weather at Stage End (First Car): Starting to become hot (about 97F / 36C) and the humidity has returned, though the wind remains strong…
Weather at Stage End (Last Car): Remains much the same as before.
Stage End (First Car): A little after 2-and-72 Sun, 20/7/3251, Addagarda Campsite
Stage End (Last Car): A little after 5-and-53 Sun, 20/7/3251, Addagarda Campsite
While yesterday’s run was done mostly on cobblestone roads, it’s clear that ahead of everyone is going to be a lot of gravel today, a test of how well you can handle driving your cars. On your left, there is the Duskwater River, slow and steady and strong, a common source of water for the local wildlife. On your right, there is a thick forest, occasionally alive with the sounds of a healthy logging industry. The road is long and winds its way alongside the river, as if at one time it may have been a path for towing boats or rafts, or maybe even primitive barges up the river. Sure enough, if you look hard enough, there’s a near identical path on the other side, in far worse condition. Twice, it is necessary to slow way down in order to cross a wooden bridge over the river to the other side, or otherwise suffer driving through what was once gravel, and instead has now turned to stony mud. Upon arriving at Addagarda, the people there are very suspicious of us, won’t let us into the town’s inn to spend the night, and tell us to “go away before you anger the wolves.” Our campsite this time is, again, near the forest, although most of the cars end up on the other side of the road, near the river to give more room for tents and people.
Notes: Randomization is active. Breakdowns are active. Time is in Earth Time. New: Finishing order after the teams.
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 08:36:15
Average MPH: 41.3
Randomizer: 7
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 3 (Tires)
Total Distance Traveled: 710.4
Things could have gone way, way better. Unfortunately, it seems that every sharp rock out there was aimed at one tire or another on the Bricksley, forcing the team to stop multiple times to have Jayde use his magic to repair and reinflate the tires.
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 06:34:40
Average MPH: 54.0
Randomizer: 9
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 1 (Powertrain)
Total Distance Traveled: 710.4
Team Wayfarers made good pace, although Jill Willow-Wright had to get out of the IFAZ Bogatir long enough to “heal” the engine after it developed a rather nasty ticking noise.
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 07:48:09
Average MPH: 45.5
Randomizer: 7
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: 1 (Powertrain)
Total Distance Traveled: 710.4
The Hakaru Carica did well, right up until the engine just plain cut out on Team Gearknobs. They sat there for a while, trying everything, until Team Shift Happens came along and Rukari “fixed” the ECU with a handful of stray vacuum tubes. Surprisingly, whatever he seems to have done made the engine come back to life.
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 04:49:55
Average MPH: 73.5
Randomizer: 13
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: 0
Total Distance Traveled: 710.4
Like they did in the last stage, Maria and Lucia put the hammer down in the Claussient, and they flew across the gravel like they’d both borrowed the spirits of Group B drivers of the past.
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 06:15:55
Average MPH: 56.7
Randomizer: 10
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 0
Total Distance Traveled: 710.4
Team Slow’s Schnell again proves to be reliable, and quick enough to avoid being last to the food today. However, they got sprayed with gravel after the second bridge, courtesy of a fast moving yellow, red, and blue rally car. While no major damage was done, there are some small dings and dents in the bodywork.
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 04:37:20
Average MPH: 76.8
Randomizer: 12
Refueling Stops: 2
Breakdown: 0
Total Distance Traveled: 710.4
Again, the Union Magistrate proves it was made for this kind of world. Taking to the gravel like a snake takes to grass, Team Oil Crisis hustles their mighty Army Green wagon along the river road.
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 07:09:08
Average MPH: 49.7
Randomizer: 7
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 1 (Powertrain)
Total Distance Traveled: 710.4
Andreas narrowly avoids complete catastrophic failure of the engine when a deafening bang was followed by a sudden and massive drop in oil pressure. Pulling over, they find that a dirty great rock has gouged a hole in their oil pan. Luckily, they had a spare in the back, as well as plenty of oil. At the camp, Janne offered Jayde a large Swedish MRE to fix their damaged oil pan.
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 07:17:34 (Fun fact: This was my locker combination in high school.)
Average MPH: 48.7
Randomizer: 9
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 3 (Tires)
Total Distance Traveled: 710.4
Things were going well for Team Witchlight until they burst a tire and had to change it. None of them could figure out the jack, but between Finne using the tire iron and Ambay lifting the car, they got that tire changed.
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 06:56:24
Average MPH: 51.2
Randomizer: 9
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: 2 (Chassis)
Total Distance Traveled: 710.4
The Kontir Cunningham was, quite fast until a hard bump dislodged a bunch of their cargo and forced them to spend a good bit of time putting it all back where it belonged.
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 05:30:38
Average MPH: 64.5
Randomizer: 9
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 3 (Tires)
Total Distance Traveled: 710.4
Damn rocks! A bit of sharp gravel created a nasty slow leak. After airing it back up once, only to have it go flat again later, Team Blazers put the spare on the Yamada and continued onward. At the campsite, Romulo, Watson, and Charlotte worked together to patch the burst tire, reinflate it, and put it back on the spare tire rack.
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 07:01:37
Average MPH: 50.5
Randomizer: 9
Refueling Stops: 4
Breakdown: 3 (Tires)
Total Distance Traveled: 710.4
If there was any one good thing about the MCP AWSB’s abysmal gas mileage, it was that every time they stopped to refuel, they were able to put another patch on another blown tire.
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 04:58:00
Average MPH: 71.5
Randomizer: 9
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 3 (Tires)
Total Distance Traveled: 710.4
Other than needing some help from the AI to change the flat, and taking a small amount of time to observe their surroundings, the Quantum Xenoanthropology team has no trouble handling the Mara on the gravel road.
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 04:25:28
Average MPH: 80.3
Randomizer: 13
Refueling Stops: 0
Breakdown: 0
Total Distance Traveled: 710.4
Pedal to the Metal! The Dunav took every corner like a Group B rally car – Sideways, wide open throttle, gravel and dirt going everywhere. As a result of such aggressive driving, they make it to the campsite first, and help ‘clear’ it by doing donuts and flinging gravel everywhere.
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 08:13:28
Average MPH: 43.2
Randomizer: 7
Refueling Stops: 2
Breakdown: 1 (Powertrain)
Total Distance Traveled: 710.4
Sitting on the side of the road waiting for the engine to cool down really isn’t much fun. The Yinzer MightyTiny spends a good deal of time doing exactly that. In the camp, it’s found that there was a coolant leak. That’s since been fixed with quite a lot of epoxy putty and a prayer to the gods of auto racing. I personally think the prayer is stronger.
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 05:13:36
Average MPH: 68.0
Randomizer: 12
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 0
Total Distance Traveled: 710.4
Making up time by driving fast, Connor pushes the Dione hard. The Tangerine Tank cares little for this pesky road surface called ‘gravel,’ it’s a road so it can be driven on. Rocks fly from the tires, occasionally landing in the river with a splash.
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 05:51:34
Average MPH: 60.6
Randomizer: 12
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 0
Total Distance Traveled: 710.4
The Dauer’s rally heritage shows through once again as gravel sprays everywhere from under the rear wheels. They even get a little airtime over some of the smaller bumps, and likely would have been faster if they hadn’t encountered a Schnell XL53 on the second wooden bridge over the river.
Distance Traveled: 355.2
Time (HH:MM:SS): 06:22:17
Average MPH: 55.8
Randomizer: 8
Refueling Stops: 1
Breakdown: 4 (Team Caused)
Total Distance Traveled: 710.4
Luck wasn’t on Team Spy Kids’ side today. After dropping a fuel can in the gravel during their refuel, and then choosing to make up time by going through the mud, they lost a lot of time. A couple simple mistakes, sure, but costly ones.
Stage Finishing Order:
Team Mrezhari
Team Oil Crisis
Team Fallen Angels of the Past
Team Quick Rally 47
Team RK Series Racing
Team Blazers
Team Black Rabbit
Team Slow
Team Spy Kids
Team Wayfarers
Team Mravolinski-Chitco
Team Machines Con Passione
Team Hillbilly Rollers
Team Witchlight
Team Gearknobs
Team Jockey
Team Shift Happens
Rukari leaped up into the driver’s seat, leaving Malavera in the middle and Kivenaal taking the passenger side of the front bench. Kayden, Jayde, and Kaylie made up the rear bench as usual. As soon as the Bricksley started up, they were greeted by a steaming warm fart out of the air vents as the blower fan ejected the stale, searing hot air from the system, the air conditioner completely overwhelmed in the old Highwayman in this heat. The windows, as a result, were rolled down to let the air in. Shadow looked equally as miserable as the rest of the team, laying on the floor and panting heavily.
Malavera tried his best to keep his left foot away from the pedals, while simultaneously trying not to interfere with Rukari’s ability to change gears.
1 Sun
As the clock rang out across the Duskwater River from Viravalli, signaling to the locals that it was time to get up and go to work, 17 vehicles roared forth down the gravel road, rocks flying everywhere.
On the Road
Things were going well at first. Rukari was making a great pace in the gravel, despite double-clutching every gear change and only having 4-High engaged with the differentials unlocked. Then the first tire popped with a muffled thud.
Kaylie was the first to hop out and grab the jack, sliding it under the rear of the truck. Kayden and Rukari grabbed wheel chocks to keep the truck from rolling off of the jack, throwing them under the good front tires as Kaylie wound the jack up to rest just under the frame.
“If you can get it off of the ground, I can fix it,” Jayde offered.
Kaylie weighed the time she’d spend spinning lug nuts free, swapping the tire out for the spare in the bed, and spinning those lug nuts back on against the time Jayde might need to fix a flat. With renewed enthusiasm, she cranked the jack handle up, lifting the rear driver’s side tire into the air. Jayde grabbed his staff out of the bed of the truck and concentrated, calling upon his arcane powers to put the tire back together again as it had been before the rock ruined it. Kaylie stared at the tire as she watched the gash in it slowly close up, and a few minutes later, was staring at a completely solid sidewall again. “Think you can put some air in that for us, or will we be relying on a little electric pump?” Kaylie asked.
“I was trained as a weather mage before I learned to do battle. Wind spells are, well, my weakest magic, but I think I can do that,” Jayde said. Sure enough, as he focused again, the tire began to fill up with air, and soon, Kaylie dropped the jack, Kayden and Rukari tossed the wheel chocks back in the truck bed, and everyone returned to the truck.
This cycle continued another four times before anything new actually happened.
That something was crossing paths with Team Gearknobs, who looked like they were about 5 minutes from dismantling their poor Carica and hiring a lizard to drag them onward. Rukari stopped and got out, asking Andy Kauffman, “Need any help?”
“This damn thing shut off and now it won’t start!” Andy said.
Jayde came over to help investigate the issue, letting his energy flow as he felt the path of electricity running through the Carica. He pointed to the ECU and looked to Rukari. “I don’t know this technology like you do,” Jayde said. “Can you fix this?”
“I can try,” Rukari replied. As the ECU was pulled, Rukari turned the toolbox in the back of the Bricksley into an impromptu work table, adding several long wires connected to vacuum tubes in a plastic project box to the ECU. When it was returned to the Carica, the engine suddenly started again.
Kaylie looked over at them as they stared at the mess of vacuum tubes and wires now crudely soldered to their engine computer. “Don’t ask how that’s supposed to work. I have no clue how he makes this stuff work, and I don’t think he does, either. The good news is, nothing he’s modified with vacuum tubes has ever blown up, so it should keep working.”
Then Team Gearknobs left with their now-functioning engine. A few minutes later, the Bricksley found another rock. This time, when they got out to check, Kaylie groaned. “Really? Both passenger side tires?” she said. Malavera lifted the side of the truck up, giving Jayde the ability to fix both tires, though this time, it was the electric pump that did the filling.
When they thought it would be smooth sailing from there, another deafening bang made everyone groan. This time, both front tires had practically exploded. Jayde stared at the tires and contemplated whether he had enough magic to make the whole truck disappear instead, but figured that stranding his traveling companions would be a terrible idea, and that if he barely had the energy to fix the tires, he really didn’t have the energy needed to vanish that amount of cast iron, steel, rubber, and glass. Kivenaal and Malavera both reached under the truck and lifted it up, knowing otherwise it would be a long wait for Kaylie to get the jack out, lift one side, let Jayde fix one tire, and then repeat it on the other side. Jayde grimaced as he fixed both tires at once, then retreated to the truck to sit down.
Kaylie, as a result, spent several long minutes waiting on the electric air pump to whine away and fill their all-terrain tires before everyone could climb back into the Bricksley and drive the last half hour into the new camp.
Addagarda Campsite, 5-and-55 Sun
With the sun already moving on its westward path, a few very long hours from disappearing for the day, but noticeably no longer directly above them, the Bricksley rolled into the camp at last, with Rukari looking exhausted behind the wheel, clearly leaning on the rim as much as possible as the van-truck idled up next to the Dione and the Magistrate, the only three cars on this side of the road, though it was understandable considering those three cars were equally a sleeping space as much as the tents the rest of the teams had brought. The rest had parked up next to the river to leave a bigger camp space for everyone to sleep near the forest.
The engine rasped into silence as the key was turned to the off position, and the very visibly tired team slowly got out. Rukari had wrestled the heavy truck around on the gravel, finding every sharp rock that fate could throw their way. Jayde looked miserable, clearly at the brink of exhaustion after the multitude of tire repairs and air spells he’d had to do on the side of the road. Kaylie opened up her lunchbox and handed Jayde a bag of fruit flavored candies.
“Those might help. Sorry, I picked out all the grape ones, but the orange ones are pretty good,” Kaylie said. Like the others, she looked worn down, but to a different extent, having been trapped in a truck with insufficient air-conditioning for six hot-running beings, not sleeping well the night before, and trying not to think of the hot Leoni sitting next to her.
Jayde nodded, carefully unwrapping a few of the orange ones, popping them in his mouth and crunching them. “Sugar usually does help with magic exhaustion,” he said, giving a weak smile.
Malavera and Kivenaal both looked outright miserable, having been the two who had to get the wheel chocks out, the sheet of plywood to support the jack, and on some occasions, just had to lift the truck because the jack wasn’t stable. The worst had been the last set of tires, when both front tires had practically exploded, and the two of them had to lift together so that Jayde wouldn’t accidentally repair the tires with a bunch of rocks inside them.
Kayden looked like hell when he staggered out of the Bricksley, stumbled his way across part of the camp, and nearly face-planted the side of the Magistrate, denting the driver’s side front fender with his knee before he put his hand on the roof to stop himself from falling any further. “This heat is killing me,” Kayden said, shedding his heavy powered armor, picking it all back up, carrying it back over to the Bricksley, and then throwing it into the back of the truck with a clatter and a crash as he stripped down to his undershirt and shorts.
Kaylie jumped out of the truck and likewise stripped back to her gray tank-top and shorts, putting the form-fitting leather back in the cab of the truck. The sunlight gleamed off of her chrome shoulder, but at this point she really, really didn’t care. A bit of occasional flash blinding was far better than overheating out here.
When Rukari and Malavera both got out, the two of them stripped back their clothing, with Malavera tossing his robe and his ring-mail back into the truck-bed with Kayden’s armor, staying in his leather pants with his white fur showing to the world on his upper body, while Rukari showed a little more care with his armor, taking it off as well as a lot of his upper clothing, revealing dark gray fur and black stripes the whole way down his upper body, as well as a few old scars from battles long since passed.
Kivenaal wasn’t yet willing to shed any layers, instead just staying in the shade near the trees, though keeping a respectful distance from the forest, as they’d all been warned that going too close might anger the wolves. As a result, he sat down on a tree stump after double-checking that it wasn’t a beehive, just trying to relax after the long drive. Checking to make sure he wasn’t going to upset Malavera with the smoke, Kivenaal pulled out one of his cigars, cut the end, and lit it, taking a long draw and blowing a smoke ring just because he could.
Jayde seemed almost unbothered by the heat, but that was only because he had a cooling enchantment on his robes, although he was exhausted already from the amount of repairs he’d had to do on the team’s tires. He sat down on a log and picked through the bag of candy that Kaylie had given him, though it was clear that he was taking a while to recover. His thoughts drifted back to what K’mino had said at the previous campsite, back to his own thoughts in the tent in the middle of the night, that maybe he did have two different ‘types’ of magic.
They had made it, despite fate giving them many flat tires on the way. Now, it was time for a well-earned bit of rest.
Viravalli, Vira Province, Crugandr to Addagarda, Garda Province, Crugandr.
Local time: 1 Sun - 5:50 Sun
Weather: Still hot as hell.
On The Road Again
Despite the fact half the camp had been woken up by the Magistrate tearing the Dione’s bumper off and crashing into Hill Billy Rollers’ van, all five managed to get enough rest to last them the journey to the next campsite. After packing up all their gear, storing it in the appropriate places and making sure the roof rack was secure, Team Oil Crisis decided that they would set off more slowly than usual and then build up speed as they went along. But, before they left they found a message from someone.
Orlan chuckled as he saw the sign. “Hey Aedan, it doesn’t look like someone’s happy with your driving.”
“Lemme guess, Hill Billy Rollers?”
“Yup, More than likely.”
Aedan sighed. “Of course, Just put it in the seat storage for now. We’ll deal with it later.”
The Narrowblock, unlike the first time, fired up right away and the Magistrate took off down the gravel path.
The green wagon kept on going without much complaint, even if they were doing nearly 80 on the gravel roads. The suspension made sure to iron out every bump and jolt, and as such made the drive a lot more pleasant, the A/C despite being on full blast was trying its hardest to keep the car less hot, though it did have help from the half open rear passenger windows and the fully opened roof windows, which didn’t open more than half way, but the A/C needed all the help it could get. The sun was now high in the sky as the car came closer and closer to the camp.
“That lady said something about not upsetting the wolves. Are we absolutely sure we’re safe?” Orlan asked, uncertain.
Without looking away from the road, Aedan nodded. “She did, but I’m reluctant to believe her because she didn’t strike me as the type that’s wise.”
Shrugging, Orlan glanced out the window watching the scenery roll past. “Whatever it is, I hope what she said isn’t true.”
A voice then called from the very back. “I think we’ll be fine, plus we’ve got a shitload of guns and ammo so don’t worry if we get in a little bit of trouble.”
“Thank you, Pavel.”
The Magistrate rumbled into the camp where the dust kicked up by the Dunav of Team Mrezhari was settling. At least these juvenile antics did not injure anyone and just kicked up some dust.
The Magistrate came to a stop closer to the road and the campsite entrance with its tailgate about 25 feet from the tree line. Orlan didn’t feel very comfortable being parked this close to the forest which probably had wolves or other dangerous animals dwelling within it.
“Are you guys sure you want to park this close to the forest?”
“Stop fussing about the wolves, Ori. You’ll be safe in the back of the wagon with me and Pavel.”
“I guess, But someone’s gotta patrol the camp in case we do have something wanting to eat us.”
“Perhaps, but how about we get on with setting up the car and the tent to sleep for the night.”
“Sure, anything to take my mind of the wolves.”
The five strong team then began to set up their sleeping arrangements while they watched the other teams arrive. Upon completing their setup, Pavel announced that lunch was ready. As Team Oil Crisis settle in to eat, the other seven stragglers arrived in one by one fashion. With the giant Bricksley bringing up the rear and pulling up next to the Magistrate.
To Be Continued (Like Always) (also because it’s 12am and I’m tired.)
Our friends woke up with a slight headache, probably a side effect of the mercy bush. Also, despite all the noise and crashing that had been going on through the night, they had been asleep all the time, again, thanks to the mercy bush.
ANDREAS: (yawn…) Eh, Marie, why have you been sleeping outside the tent? MARIE: Do you expect me to remember that? ANDREAS, JANNE: NO!
Upon loading the van, the backpack with Janne’s teleporting device fell out. While lifting it up from the ground, he heard a metallic rattle inside.
JANNE: Oh no…This explains it all. Crap! MARIE: What? JANNE: No time to explain now, will take it when we are out on the road. MARIE: HEY! LOOK AT THIS!
Marie inspected the already broken sliding door that now looked terrible.
MARIE: SOMEONE HAVE HIT OUR DOOR, AND THERE IS PAINT MARKS ON IT! OLIVE DRAB! FUCKING BASTARDS, I AM GOING TO KILL THEM! ANDREAS: At least it is less pink now, which is a good thing. JANNE: We don’t have time for this! Get into the van!
Our team got back into the van, even though Marie was protesting loudly. Andreas felt right at home, this was like a warmer, more steampunky version of the north-east part of Sweden. The rough gravel roads, the dense forests, the rivers…he felt so familiar so he pushed the throttle a bit more than yesterday. And sure, the AWD was a nice thing to have for the roughest parts of this rally, but now he actually would have liked to have a regular RWD Freeway Star. The little four banger was not really powerful enough for drifting through the bends in the way he would have liked to do.
JANNE: So, here is the problem. I installed the aerial and the computer for the teleportation device in a random backpack I had lying on the shelf. I did not remember to check it through, but now I remember what was in it. MREs. Surplus, canned foods from the army. MARIE: Hey, they can be quite tasty, so what’s the matter? JANNE: The problem is not the food in itself, but the tin cans. They managed to act like an amplifier to the antenna, which extended the range by quite a lot. Which is not a good thing. I adjusted the frequencies so they would not affect the electronics of the Freeway Star, which is on bare minimum for 2007. Since it is a facelifted model, it has an ECU for the anti lock brakes, another one for the drivers side air bag. One for the ignition, which still uses a conventional dizzy though, and one for the simple single point injection, that ECU is less complicated than a transistor radio. More modern vehicles on the other hand…oh, crap, it could have disturbed them a lot. ANDREAS: Yeah but the Claussient and the IFAZ barely has any electronics either…? JANNE: Nah, but the IFAZ probably has a relay for the horn, the Claussient absolutely has a relay for the hazard flashers, so probably they are what have been affected. But relays are one thing. Electronics on the other hand. Oh, my…
A bit tired of Janne’s blabbering, Marie turned on the stereo and flipped to a song she was satisfied with hearing. A while later they came closer to a broken down Hakaru, which Team Racing Stripes had stopped to help. Marie almost pushed the button for the dixie horn when Janne stopped her.
JANNE: Not now. Keep a low profile. The Hakaru is among the most modern of all the cars in this challenge. This might as well be our fault, in case it is an electronics related breakdown, I am pretty sure that it is.
The team passed by and waved friendly to the Gearknobs and Racing Stripes. Yet a while later, they saw that Team Mravolinski-Chitco had stopped for something, but more or less was on their way again. Marie honked the dixie horn loudly while the pink van passed by the Kontir Cunningham.
ANDREAS: Oh crap, I better slow down, now the roads are getting really ro…
CROUNCH…BANG!
ANDREAS: What the fuck did we just drive ov…OH FUCK NO, NOW THE OIL LIGHT IS ON!
Janne was looking in the side mirror and saw how the van was leaving a black trace behind it. Andreas shut off the engine immediately while Janne was shouting in the CB.
“TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS TO TEAM MRAVOLINSKI CHITCO, WATCH OUT FOR THE ROAD IN FRONT OF YOU, IT IS JUST AN OILY MESS NOW, PROBABLY VERY SLIPPERY, WATCH OUT!”
Janne just waved for them to pass when the Kontir Cunningham was closing up to the team, he really wanted to do this repair in peace. He took the Oxy-acetylene welder out of the van, just to discover one thing.
JANNE: CRAP! Out of oxygen! Congratulations! ANDREAS: Eh…did you see that there is actually a spare oil pan here. JANNE: Sigh…it will have to do then. I left it in the van by mistake, it is from the same industrial engine as the cylinder head. It will have a big drawback though… ANDREAS: What drawback? JANNE: Well, it has a different shape of the sump, so it won’t really clear the crossmembers, so expect that there will be vibrations and noise in the van… But it will have to do. I can do this repair all by myself, so please, just wave the other teams to pass.
The team put two large rocks in front of the front wheels and pushed the van up on them, acting like jackstands. While Janne was draining the few drops of oil that was left in the engine, and swapping the pans which could be done with the engine still left in the van, though not very easily, Andreas was waving the teams to pass by, and Marie…well, she was emptying some of the beer cans in the back of the van, to cope with the heat. Finally, the van had fresh oil and the team was ready to leave, but at a rather slow pace since the vibrations were terrible when driving anywhere near fast. Finally, they reached the campsite, and after some rest, Janne saw how team Racing stripes arrived, so he went to ask them for some help with repairing the old pan.
Meanwhile, Marie had spotted another team, team Oil Crisis, which after some beer probably was a very bad idea. She took the can in which Janne had drained the remains of the motor oil and went up to the Union Magistrate.
MARIE: Team “OIL CRISIS”, huh? Well now you are going to get some oil! How about that, huh?
Marie took a branch she found on the ground, put it in the can of oil and drew a huge male genitalia with it on the rear door of the Union Magistrate. The next thing she was going to do was to climb up on the hood and pour oil into the fresh air intake for the heater, however, she only managed to climb up on the bumper before Andreas stopped her.
MARIE: HEY! STOP HOLDING ME BACK! ANDREAS: YOU WEIGH 135 KILOS, YOU WILL PROBABLY GO STRAIGHT THROUGH THE HOOD OF THIS RUSTY MESS!
Andreas and Marie was fighting for a while, with Andreas standing on the ground and Marie on the front bumper of the Magistrate, but finally, Marie fell off the bumper, landing with the oil can on her head, which quickly turned her nordic blond hair into a pitch black tone.
ANDREAS: YOU ARE NOT GETTING INTO THE VAN LIKE THAT NOW WHEN WE HAVE GOTTEN IT CLEANED!
Andreas managed to keep her standing still for a long enough time to cut off the oil-saturated parts of her hair with his sheath knife, giving her the ugliest haircut in the whole history of mankind.
MARIE: OK, THAT’S IT, I AM GOING TO KILL THEM!
Andreas realized that he was not able to cope with an angry Marie weighing almost twice his weight all by himself and called out for help.
ANDREAS: SERIOUSLY! ANYONE COME HERE, I NEED HELP TO KEEP HER CALM BEFORE SHE CAUSES SOME TROUBLE WE WILL ALL REGRET!
@Knugcab - Thank you for the idea, and sorry for the spoilers the other day. I’ll keep those on cars and out of messages from now on.
Addagarda Campsite, 6 Sun to 8 Sun
Jayde looked almost miserable when he saw Janne approaching while carrying a broken part in his hands, the great gaping hole blown in their oil pan visible quite a distance away. “Oh, no. I’ve spent all day fixing flat tires, I’m tired, I just want to sit down on a log that doesn’t move and eat a nice, heavy meal,” Jayde said, walking over to the campfire.
Janne wandered back over to the atomic-pink van, rummaged around for a bit, and came back with the same broken oil pan and a Swedish MRE. He offered the handful of cans and a tall package of crackers to Jayde, saying, “These caused some interference with… well, that’s not important. Don’t let the date fool you, those are still good. They’re used by the Swedish military, it’s an MRE. Stands for Meal, ready to eat. They keep forever. Well… Not quite forever, but long enough that it usually doesn’t matter.”
Jayde picked up one of the cans, not able to read what was written on it as he didn’t know Swedish, but Janne helpfully pointed out, “That one you should eat last, it’s Fruktsoppa, or fruit soup. It’s like a dessert. And see, 1985. Still good.” When Jayde picked up the bar of chocolate and peeled back the wrapper, likewise, Janne said, “The chocolate is still good. A little discolored, but it’ll still taste like chocolate.” Jayde popped the small bar into his mouth and crunched down, nodding as it did taste similar to chocolate he’d had before.
“Well, I thank you for the meal, so, let me fix that oil pan before I actually settle in to eat,” Jayde said. Janne held it out for Jayde to take it, only to end up watching as the metal slowly folded back into shape and sealed itself back up seamlessly as Jayde concentrated on it. With a little more effort, the small dent in the pan that had been there long before the Hillbilly Rollers acquired the van popped back out with an audible plunk, and the remains of the gasket material scraped itself away, turning into dust that vanished into thin air. “Should be as good as new,” Jayde said, though he sounded a bit strained at that point. “Sorry, using this much magic in one day is a bit difficult,” he added, lowering his slightly shaking right hand. “We blew out nine tires on the road. The last four, I couldn’t summon enough energy to fill them with wind afterward. Magic exhaustion is not fun.”
“If you need energy,” Janne said, “start with this tin.” He peeled back the lid to reveal the glucose tablets and the hard candy. “A lot of sugar here.”
Jayde nodded, cracking open a pack of hard, fruit-flavored candy and putting a couple in his mouth. Janne startled as he heard a heavy crunch, then said, “Be careful not to break any teeth doing that. Oh, and watch out for the panzer crackers, they’re as hard as rocks, or as tough as tanks.”
Jayde chuckled and reached into the bag at his side, pulling out a small glass bottle. “If I break any teeth, this will fix it,” he said, before putting the healing potion back away. “And I’ve cracked bones that were tougher, so, shouldn’t have too much trouble here with these.”
Janne nodded, leaving Jayde to enjoy his meal in relative peace, though realized a moment too late that the meal he’d given might prove to be unpleasant the next day in the confined space of the Bricksley’s cab.
When Andreas started yelling for help with Marie, who by that time had been badly shaved after looking like she tried to dye her hair with a waste oil tank, Kaylie got up from where she was sitting and stormed over, chrome flashing brightly in the sun. “Hey. Hey! HEY! Do we need to fight right here!? You both heard what the town said about the wolves, didn’t you?” Kaylie snapped as she got closer. “Marie, I get it, you’ve had a few close calls with them. Shit driving on day one that collapsed the tent, nearly getting run over when you walked out in front of them, and now some mechanical failure that caused mayhem in the camp last night. Do you think I like that I haven’t gotten any reasonable sleep in three days here?” Kaylie added, trying to restrain her usual tendency to ‘talk with her hands’ because she really didn’t need to blind everyone with sunlight reflecting off of her left hand. “No, I don’t, but despite the fact that their car crash woke me up, do you see me over here trying to sabotage their car? No. Even though,” Kaylie said, extending the titanium claws on her left hand with a quiet click, “I could give them a real mean set of racing stripes,” she retracted the claws just as quietly, “I haven’t. Because here’s the thing: We’re all in this together. We are all responsible for making sure that all of us finish this.”
“Don’t be a dick!” Malavera yelled from over by the campfire.
Kaylie nodded. “One of the main rules, Marie. Sure, you could dump oil down the air vents and ruin their day. But here’s the thing: Jayde doesn’t have a limitless amount of energy, even though it seems like it some days. Yes, today he fixed your oil pan. Tomorrow, you might have to ask these guys to fix something on your car. Or they might have to ask you for help to fix their car. And that won’t be an option if you piss them off,” Kaylie explained. “More importantly, if you’re known as the team who’s willing to sabotage other teams, how much help do you think you’ll get?”
Kaylie left her point hanging as she stood there, left hand resting on her hip, waiting to see if what she said would have a positive response or not.
Jayde felt better after finishing off the contents of the small tin, and after peeling the lids open on a can of baked beans with small sausages, a sort of stew with a bit of meat in it, and a can of pea soup with pork, he set them near the fire to warm up while rummaging through his bag to find a decent fork and spoon to eat with. Afterwards, he opened the pack of hard crackers, opened a tin of liver pate, and grabbed his knife to spread it over a cracker, before placing another cracker on top of it to make a sandwich-substitute out of it.
The crunch was heard from across the road by the van. Janne just shook his head and tried not to laugh.
Jayde, momentarily deafened by the heavy crunch echoing through his own head, grimaced his way through the cracker sandwich and decided not to do that again. Sure enough, it was less unpleasant to eat just one cracker at a time, and it turned out that the two cans of pate were enough, if used wisely, to cover the whole package of crackers. Which, coincidentally, took as much time to eat as it had taken to warm up the three hot meals. He started with the pea soup, finding it to be mostly enjoyable, as the pork gave it at least some flavor. The prairie stew, mostly consisting of beans, corn, peppers, and some finely chopped meat, was delicious by comparison, and soon, both of those cans were empty. The sausages with baked beans were enjoyed, but Jayde thought it would have perhaps been wiser to eat that first, as the stew had been far better. With only one can left, the fruit soup, he opened it up and enjoyed the sweet, dessert-like goodness of the mixed fruits.
Rukari got up and walked into the nearby town of Addagarda, returning a half hour later with a cloth sack of supplies to make another camp stew. He set a large pot down over the campfire, got up, grabbed a can of water off of the roof rack, pouring quite a bit into the pot before opening up the sack, pulling one of his wickedly-sharp bronze bladed knives out, and dicing up a few onions, a bit of garlic, a couple of tomatoes, some cabbage, and a thick slab of beef. As he added the ingredients in and stirred them around, he kept checking the time based on the sun’s position in the sky, something he’d gotten very good at doing, and after about an hour, he added in the cut up pieces of beef to the otherwise vegetable-filled pot, stirred it a bit, and put a lid on it for a while. After another half hour, he pulled the lid off, then overturned the rest of the sack into the pot, adding quite a lot of rice mixed with beans. He stirred it slowly, then put the lid back on, only occasionally checking on it for the next half hour.
Kaylie, Kayden, Malavera, and Kivenaal were glad when Rukari’s camp stew was ready. They had all learned to trust that Rukari would manage to make something good, and sure enough, he’d done it again. This time, however, they all realized Rukari had made way more stew than at the previous campsite, though before they could ask why, Rukari provided an answer.
“Anyone else who is hungry, feel free to share a meal with us. I’ve made a basic soldier’s stew, which will at least be filling,” Rukari called out.
(OOC: As is usual with my time advances, feel free to ignore them in the moment. Just, I didn’t have a huge amount going here, so I kept a little more in here to fill out the post a bit more)
This was quite the night.
We cant exactly say it was particularly good tbh either, thanks to efforts of…something.
Fact is that we were awoken by two loud BANGs, caused by Magistrate crashing into few other cars and to make matters worse, someone decided to express their displeasure by revving the engine and blaring the horn.
Obviously, chosen words that we thought about such annoyances werent expressed to Lombaxes and, as it turned out, host team (someone there decided to rev and beep) but you can bet they werent very nice.
At some point tho, we identified reason for beeping and revving was likely related to Union’s team, so they were ones responsible for entire fking mess.
We were too tired tho to discuss that atm with culprits and just hoped thats it for the night.
It was
Happily for both them and us, morning had revealed that, whatever happened, wasnt exactly planned by them and seems like accident of sorts.
(As you already know, dear reader, it was indeed accident.)
Klimentol decided to drive this time and so we hopped in, expecting fast and uneventful drive.
As was the case on first stage…there was a problem after some bump.
Lot of CLANK, BANG, TICK and few others had came from our cargo areas, which after stop and deeper observation was attributed to quite a bit of cargo coming loose and wrecking havoc.
We wouldnt need to stop at all if not for fact that some cargo actually ended up on and around road itself, so we decided to scoop it up.
On move yet again
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP
-TF?
Mystery has revealed itself when we noticed Hillbillies passing. This was greeting, which we can find acceptable, less so since they passed us.
Not much later…
“TEAM HILLBILLY ROLLERS TO TEAM MRAVOLINSKI CHITCO, WATCH OUT FOR THE ROAD IN FRONT OF YOU, IT IS JUST AN OILY MESS NOW, PROBABLY VERY SLIPPERY, WATCH OUT!”
Chicota: “Seems we are gonna regain position.”
Klimentol: “Maaybe, but we should still be nice and stop if they need some help. Since im driver, im gonna decide on stopping”
Janne decided he could deal with this himself tho, which was indicated by waving at us to pass.
Klimentol:“Ok then, we can continue regardless.”
Pi: “Eh. You sure they will manage to fix it?”
Look, i have trust in Janne and his ability to do stuff. He seemed very sure waving back there. Not sure how much his teammates could assist, but eh.
This wasnt pleasant weather at all, being very hot. Once again, we could rely on presence of water to cool us down, but dogs seemed to get idea or two that were unrelated to water.
Pi had gone hunting with them, while Chicota once again went to town with a female, this time only him working for resources - VerBanka’s job was to be pretty, which she did very well.
Hunt was successful, gathering solid amount of raw meat in process from some small animals they encountered in forest. More other food for VerBanka and me is greatly appreciated news and there was plenty when those two came out of town.
I was simply enjoying water, joined afterwards by rest of group.
This proved satisfactory and tiring at same time to such extent that i even struggled to get to car bcos mix of fatigue and amount of hauled ass.
Since VerBanka assisted, i really couldnt complain, but did meant im gonna use bed tad bit earlier than planned.
Lovely being that is Marie decided she had enough of encounters with Oil Crisis (Magistrate had also hit their car last night) and, according to Chicota, was “fking drunk”, so Kaylie had role of stopping Marie from applying oil to fresh air intake
It was only fair for female dealing with female and both Pi and VerBanka lack substance and strength necessary to handle Maria.
Meanwhile, Pi had heard about…yes, she wasnt only non-swimmer that had jumped into water and kinda drowned.
She started thinking she might be more reasonable with her thinking than most of MCP team, including Giacomo, one that also almost drowned on previous camp site.
Shivers were sent down her spine knowing she might not be stupidest person in camp…and that Giacomo actually leads entire team.
K’mino found himself a quiet spot away from everyone, where he could get some meditation done, without the jolts and bumps caused by driving. He sat down on a log in the shade and took in the air through his nostrils. It was a pleasant afternoon, the sky a light blue as the sun beamed down on the camp. The heat was not a bother as the fur was designed to insulate and the humidity… was less bearable but at least it wasn’t as bad as it was back on the coast. The light breeze was partially to blame for it.
Once K’mino got comfortable he sat up straight, shut his eyes and began to meditate. The wind and the sound of the river filled his ears, complete peace had befallen the spot where he’d begun meditating.
A voice then broke through the peace of the afternoon. “You were always the observant one.”
“It was always that way, master. I’ve not changed since the last time we met. Why have you come to speak with me.”
“To remind you of that story I told you”
“The little lion that you met I assume?”
“Yes, he was strong with the force, I had never seen such strength before especially with someone as young as him. I was unfamiliar with the region and as I was following a lead on my pursuit of one of Darth Sidious’s underlings I had to ask someone for directions. I gave him a green kyber crystal since it would not be likely he would encounter a Jedi again. I’m certain that he kept it.” The voice said.
“Did you tell me this because you felt that a person named Jayde Malradi was strong with the force as well?” K’mino asked.
“Of course. You and him are strong with it almost as equally. It turns out that it was true that the kyber crystal he has and his power with the force would bring him good luck.”
“Will it do the same for his team?”
“It will, I have seen his other powers, and he’s very skilled with them. I know that he’s very likely a fast learner.”
“Will the force bring good luck to my friends?”
“Well, they aren’t force sensitive, but it should only take one.”
“Well, If the force brings good luck to my team, then–.”
“May the force be with you and them.”
K’mino chuckled, “May the force be with you always, Master.”
Unbeknownst to K’mino, Jayde had been standing there behind him, watching.
“I’ve heard something similar a long while ago.” said Jayde, making K’mino open his eyes and look behind him. The lion man walked over and sat next to him, then gave a bit of a sigh, clearly working up the courage to tell his story.
“What would that be?”
"That’s what I’m going to tell you. You see, I was five when someone came to the town of Bittrenn. His clothing was… unusual. Close to some of the things I’ve seen mages wearing, but not quite right. Tan robes, brown boots, somewhat heavy-looking cloth cloak. He asked me if I knew who he could talk to if he wanted to track down some bad people, so I pointed him to our jail, because Lynn was our Guard Captain, and she kept a long list of people who were wanted for various crimes. I remember he reached into a pocket, which moved his cloak aside, and I saw what looked like an ornate metal hilt, but… There was no blade or mace or axe attached. Just the hilt. I remember he handed me a crystal or a gem of some sort, and it was pale and colorless. I wish I could remember his exact words when he’d handed me this.” Jayde fumbled for a brief moment with the clasp of his golden chain, then pulled it free of his mane, revealing the emerald-green gem hanging in a loose coil of golden wire. K’mino’s eyes widened.
A kyber crystal?
“But I know he told me it would bring me good luck,” Jayde said, not noticing K’mino’s surprise and holding it out for him to get a better look. “I carried it in my pocket for less than a day when it started to turn green. In a week, it was that color, and that’s how it has stayed for the last 30 years. I was so afraid I’d ruined it that day that I didn’t dare ask him what it meant, even though he stayed in town for a week. Even though I’d crossed sticks with him when playing. I’ve never seen anyone move so fast and so fluidly in my life, and I was proud the one and only time I caught him on the wrist with my stick. It was barely a glancing blow, but he still told me I had won that fight.” Jayde took a light breath, then said, “The next day, he was gone, and I never saw him again. When I was ten, I took what little coin I had to a local jeweler and asked him to put that gem on a chain for me. No spells, nor any tools could harm it, so he wrapped the widest point with wire to hold it.”
K’mino grabbed the crystal hanging from the necklace that was in Jayde’s hand and examined it. Without a doubt it was a green kyber crystal, possibly the same one his master had given to that child years ago.
“Thirty year later and you finally have got an answer. This is a kyber crystal, it’s used in the construction of a lightsaber, a weapon we Jedi wield.”
“A lightsaber?” Jayde asked. “I know a saber is a type of sword, and I suppose they could be a bit heavy, so a lighter saber would, perhaps, be more convenient. But I don’t remember seeing a sword, saber or otherwise,” Jayde said, seeming puzzled. “Maybe I wasn’t paying attention. Or maybe I was still thinking about how many rocks I could put on top of the outhouse before Lynn caught me doing it again.”
As K’mino handed Jayde his crystal back, the kyber crystal, Jayde then asked, “It is safe to keep wearing it, right?”
K’mino chuckled. “Yeah, it’s completely harmless when it’s not been weaponized. And a lightsaber is quite light but that’s not why its called like that. Because this kyber crystal is used to create a beam of plasma or light that can cut through anything.”
“Light that can cut,” Jayde said, looking momentarily lost in thought. “Considering the few times I’ve accidentally hit the crystal with sparks and it glowed painfully bright, I am really glad I never seriously considered the plan to focus a bolt of lightning through it,” Jayde said. “Plasma… So, somewhat like Kayden’s plasma pistol? That fires a ball of light that can turn sand into glass.”
“Yeah sort of, usually a lightsaber is just a metal hilt with a blade that is either blue or green, or red if you are a Sith lord. I can show you mine if you’d like.”
K’mino removed the metal ornate hilt from its spot on his belt and pressed the button on the side of it. The lightsaber fired up producing a triumphant sound that would have easily been mistaken for an energy weapon firing. The blade was a shade of icy blue and it hummed ominously as K’mino held it. When he moved the blade, its hum changed in pitch from the motion. However, the heat that radiated from it was not as intense as Jayde had expected.
Jayde stared at the weapon, shielding his eyes against the cold blue light until they had a chance to adjust, though once they had, he had to admit to himself that it was an incredibly elegant looking weapon. “This almost reminds me of that time I tried to freeze a lightning bolt to use it as a sword. Didn’t work as well as I’d hoped,” Jayde said, though with a look of deep concentration, he attempted it once again. A half-muffled thunderclap rang out as Jayde aimed in a safe direction and let the bolt fly, then used the same energy he lifted rocks with and summoned his staff with to capture it.
Unlike the lightsaber, the heat was much more intense, and the look of concentration on Jayde’s face showed it wasn’t something he could do for long, but the yellow-white bolt hissed and crackled as Jayde moved it. He released the bolt and it fizzled out with a quiet snap. “It takes too much concentration to do that for it to be useful, but, well, it was easier to show that than it was to try to describe it,” Jayde said.
The lightsaber made another strange sound as it retracted. “Well, you’ve got a kyber crystal, so if you can find the other components, you’d be able to have a lightsaber of your own. But you’ll need a little bit of training before you can engage in combat with it.” K’mino explained.
As the lightsaber’s blade retracted, Jayde studied the metal hilt for a moment longer as K’mino mentioned that if he could find the other components, he’d be able to make one of his own design, though he’d need training before he’d be able to use it in combat. “Understandable. Considering I was never much of a swordsman, I know I’d have a lot to learn on that.” He put his golden chain back around his neck, the kyber crystal once again hiding in his mane, then said, “I’ll leave you to your meditation. I’d do so myself, but…” Jayde trailed off for a moment, finishing with, “I keep feeling like I’m being watched.”
K’mino watched him leave, uncertain of what this meant. Perhaps it was something to do with the forest they were in or he sensed the presence of K’mino’s master. Whatever it was, he hoped that nothing bad would happen to them and resumed his meditation.
JANNE: Thanks a lot, Jayde. Enjoy your meal, now I have to go back to the van and mount this oil pan!
Janne went away and started wrenching on the van, but heard that there was a fight going on between Andreas and Marie, “as usual” he thought, but still. He crawled out from underneath the van and almost laughed his ass off when he saw Marie’s new haircut. “Wonder what have happened now”, he thought, but went back wrenching when he saw that Kaylie had Marie under control now.
MARIE: OH yeah, like WE are the team that are sabotaging for THEM? They have tried to kill me multiple times and now they have obviously smashed our side door in too, but yeah, I am the one sabotaging here! All right! I get it!
Marie shook her head (which exposed her new haircut in an even more glamorous way) and went away, if this had been a cartoon she would probably have had a thunderstorm above her head now. She went away to the van and cranked up the stereo very loud so this song was heard all over the camp.
ANDREAS: MARIE, IF YOU DRAIN THE BATTERY YOU WILL HAVE TO PUSH THE DAMN VAN TOMORROW UNTIL IT STARTS, AND I PROMISE YOU IT WILL TAKE A WHILE SINCE IT IS AN AUTO!
MARIE: LALALALALA I CAN’T HEAR YOU!
Janne got out from under the van, being in a less charmant mood.
JANNE: MARIE, TURN THAT DAMN THING OFF, I CAN’T HEAR WHAT I AM THINKING!
MARIE: I CAN’T HEAR YOU, THE STEREO IS TOO LOUD!
Janne tried wrenching while the voice of Eddie Meduza was spreading all over the camp, finally getting the oil pan in place.
JANNE: GET OFF THE FRONT SEAT YOU FAT WRECK, I HAVE TO FLIP IT UP SO I CAN FILL OIL IN THIS BASTARD
MARIE: Don’t shout at me, you will hurt my precious little feelings.
Janne was once again almost laughing his ass off. “Oh well, at least you have some humor left even when you are drunk and angry. Your so called feelings is about as precious as a cactus growing in a field of rocks, so get your fat ass off the seat so I can fill some oil!”
Marie left the van, Janne turned off the stereo since he didn’t want to get deaf while doing work inside the cab and hoped some battery would be left. He tried to start it up and it cranked and started like it should, the oil pressure light shut down immediately after start, so everything was calm. He let it run for a while to charge the battery and then went back to team Racing Stripes and for that matter team Oil Crisis.
JANNE: I am very sorry for her little outburst. She always causes trouble in one way or another, and I don’t know why. ANDREAS: Yeah, right. Yeah, sorry. I tried to stop her but she has a will that is made of titanium reinforced granite, I think. Where did she go, by the way. JANNE: I don’t know and I hope I don’t have to find it out in the worst possible way.
TO BE CONTINUED
(OOC, Eddie Meduza - Wikipedia - might be interesting to read, to get some clarity in why Eddie Meduza and his work is cult among the people like the members of this team)
Note: this segment has kindly been co-written by @Executive. I simply copy-pasted her writings with minor changes to formatting.
The second morning wasn’t much different from the first. Breakfast was, once again, rather primitive, with Valentin electing to skip it altogether. He insteads spends the better part of 20 minutes generously brushing his hair elsewhere near the car to avoid bothering the others while eating.
The tent was packed up, stored and the now-broken front bumper gets reborn as an ornament, now that it is strapped to the roof.
Not soon after, the team sets off. As agreed, Connor was driving, Tim next to him up front. Both Schrants are folded up on the rear bench, with Constantin having shuffled over to the left, allowing Valentin access through the only working rear door.
The first 45 minutes were rather calm, as Connor went cautiously to verify that his dry-shifting of yesterday evening actually translated into proper operation when in motion. This also allows Valentin to catch up on his breakfast.
“Vote to pick up the pace. This still is a race of sorts.”, Tim suggests, turning around to see the other’s reactions.
“Yep.”, the other two unanimously reply. To them, speed wasn’t an issue as they had what was quite possibly the most extremely min-maxxed driver in history as well as previous experience going fast on less-than-perfect roads, sometimes with substantially less protection around them to boot.
“How much faster do you want me to drive?”, Connor asks, as “faster” might also mean an added 2MPH, not really gaining them anything.
“Full tilt?”, Tim replies, more as a question to see if the ones in back were fine with it.
“Full tilt.”, Constantin confirms, smirking at the thought of some action happening. Valentin nods, not wanting to kill the fun. Not that speed wasn’t fun, but when he went fast, he usually was sending it down a mountain road on a road bicycle.
“What does ‘full tilt’ mean?”, Connor has to inquire, as he’s not exactly proficient in youth-speech.
“Just go as fast as you think is manageable.”, Tim replies, not sure as to how fast that would end up being.
Immediately after that, Connor’s right foot falls to the footwell carpeting. The car picks up speed, albeit slowly, when the next corner comes around.
Connor practically turned into Takumi Fujiwara, sending the car round the loose corners much faster than all the others would have even dared to do. Adding to this, Connor manages to conserve a lot of speed, only using the brakes when necessary and four-wheel sliding every turn with surgical precision.
Morale was high, and a little more than an hour into the stage, something BAD happened elsewhere along the road:
[Start of the cooperation with Executive]
Back at Stage 1 Camp
As the trees started swaying in the strong winds of Viravalli, the campsite was seemingly quiet until it was broken by the bellow of a wild animal.
Ed: “AAAAANDYYYYY!!!”
Soon enough, the team was on the road to the next campsite, down a road that almost resembled the conditions of a Scandinavian rally stage.
Somewhere by the side of the road, about 20 miles ahead of Team RK Series racing.
Ed: “I can’t believe you did this to me whilst i was sleeping.”
Jay: “You should’ve seen your face when you woke up and saw yourself in the reflection of your phone!”
Andy: “Well either way, now’s not the time to argue, this road is a real bastard to drive, hope you aren’t bumping around too much back there.”
Ed: “Andy can you not drive perhaps, a bit smoother?”
Andy: “Well, I don’t know if you can see the road ahead of us considering you have glasses on your-”
Ed: “You drew them on in permanent marker.”
Andy: “Either way, we’ve got quite a while to go.”
Small stones and dust flew behind the Carica’s rear valance, with the 3BE-EGDK buzzing along contently through the somewhat smooth driving of Andy’s hand, however it wasn’t long before something rather odd happened.
Andy: “Uhh, guys?”
Ed & Jay: “Yeah?”
Andy: “Something’s not right, the car feels a bit-”
Suddenly, all power is lost and the car is blaring a soft but loud beeping noise followed by a robotic Japanese voice from the dashboard.
Andy: “Well shit.”
Andy popped the bonnet of the runabout and started to poke around the bay, whilst Jay fetched the service manual from the glovebox he was told came with the car. However…
Jay: “Mate, all of this shit is in Japanese, how are we supposed to figure it out??”
Andy: “Well, uhh, umm, we can piece it together, just find the page with the wiring diagrams and take a picture of it, we have nowhere to put the whole book.”
Ed: “Whilst you two do that, I’m going to try get someone to stop and help with that walkie-talkie in the dash cubby, maybe someone can help.”
Ed switches on the strange device and begins to try each and every channel to try and call for help.
Ed: “Hello? We’re a bit stuck over here, somethings packed up in our car and we don’t know what to do.”
Meanwhile, in the Tangerine Tank of RK Series Racing, Connor was absolutely sending it for half an hour already with the others in the car more or less vocally rooting for him. The Dione’s relatively softly sprung four-corner double wishbone suspension did well in soaking up the bumps and impacts from the gravel road that they were somehow doing nearly 70MPH on. His smoothness prevented anyone from emptying the contents of their stomachs into the footwell. Then, a voice was heard from somewhere in the car. It sounded like someone was calling for help. All three human team members start looking around, trying to locate the source, which eventually devolves into intense scrambling of every nook and cranny accessible from the passenger compartment while seated. Eventually, Tim was holding a walkie-talkie, from which the calls for help are coming from.
“Where did you get that from?”, Valentin asked, not aware of anyone having bought the thing.
“Bought it together with our food in case this was more of a circuit race. Phone bill was fucking expensive after the bout in Sweden…”, Tim replied moving his attention to the device.
Distant voices of Jay and Andy swearing and trying different things with the tools they have can be heard as Ed describes the situation to the voices over the device.
“I dunno if we’re ahead or behind you guys, but if we see you, make yourself known and we can try and help.”, Tim speaks into the device, holding it firmly while pressing the transmit button.
Ed: “We’re in a White… what car is this again?”
Jay: “Look at the badge on the back, you silly sod.”
Ed: “A white Hakaru Carica, if you see us give us a shout.”
“Will do!”, Tim quickly replies back into the device.
“I hope their car isn’t totaled. We don’t have the space for another team.”, Valentin remarks in a worry.
“We’ll see once we get there…”
It doesn’t take all too ling before the faded Liftback four-wheel drifts around a wide left-hander onto a straight, at which point Connor spots the Hakaru in question. Tim also can make out a white car in the distance: “Gotcha!”, he shouts with the transmit button pressed down, but before any reply can be made the car already made it’s way over there. Connor, with pinpoint accuracy, pulls off an amazing case of threshold-braking, stopping their “Tank” just past the stranded team with enough space on the left to allow other, slower cars to pass as well.
Tim is the first to get out and greet the others, followed soon after by the other three.
“I heard you car went poof?”, he smirks, taking a look at the white Japanese hatchback.
Ed: “Hi there, yes our-”
Andy: “Let me take care of this one mate; Hi there, I’m Andy. I’m the leader of Team Gearknobs and this is our shitbox. Which is broken.”
Jay: “Who made you the leader you prat?”
Andy: “Anyways, we’re not sure what’s happened here but it just wont start.”
Jay: “You reckon the two tall musclemen fellas can just pick up and carry our car for the rest of the stage?”
The initial impression was rather mixed. Constantin was not very impressed with the self-centered introduction of Andy, crossing his arms and mildly shaking his head as a result. Neither was Valentin, but the confusion about him being called a “muscleman” was even more pronounced. Tim sees this as casual banter between friends and thus doesn’t think of it too much.
“Tim. Pleased to meet you. Also, we have Connor, Constantin and Valentin around.”, Tim speaks, passively assuming the leader role with little resistance as he was the owner of the car. While doing the introduction, he motions to the respective other members so that the others knew which name belongs to which person.
Connor, in the meantime has taken note of the synth-voice coming from inside the car, effortlessly translating it into English. He decides to not tell anyone yet, as the introduction was not yet done.
“We don’t know what happened either, but maybe we can figure something out…”, Tim adds, taking a glance at the propped-up hood of the Hakaru.
Andy: “Nice to meet you guys.”
Andy shakes hands with the other team in an enthusiastic, over-the-top manner.
Andy: “It sort of cut out power abruptly, we hadn’t even hit anything or anything, I’m clueless really. We’ve got a service manual but its all in Japanese, this car is an import so.”
Jay: “You got any tools you lot? All we’ve got is a bit of a basic toolset, nothing much really. We’ve checked over the obvious for now, but it’s like trying to figure out a plate of spaghetti.”
Andy: “If one of you can come round here, the fuse box is under the passenger side wing and its a bit fiddly.”
Ed: “I’ll go make everyone a cup of water.”
The handshake is done mostly without a hitch. Only Connor’s handshake may have felt a bit weird or unnatural to Andy.
“We don’t have a whole lot of tools either. Spanners, wrenches, screwdrivers and such, sure. But welding, soldering or anything that requires a proprietary tool is a nope from us.”, Valentin explains, revealing his calm, surprisingly high-pitched voice to the others. “Though as far as i know, Connor can do Japanese.”, he adds, casually pointing at him across his right shoulder.
“Yes.”, Connor replies, waiting a bit for the synth-voice to repeat it’s line once more. “Your car has suffered an electrical fault. Disabling electrical system.”, he recites in unison with the robotic voice coming from the Hakaru, thereby proving his capabilities to everyone on scene.
Synth-Voice, as played in the Hakaru, Japanese only’
Tim smirks at the other team’s members, mildly proud of the technological masterpiece he’d been lugging about for the better part of a year now.
“Mind if i take a look at it?”, Valentin asks. “Both the manual and the car itself, that is.”
Andy shuffles towards the glovebox of the car and promptly gets the service manual out, bringing it over to Valentin with a cheery smile. The service manual has a few notes written in Japanese on the pages from the previous owner in black pen, mostly on the wiring diagram pages.
Ed shortly comes out from behind the boot of the car and sets down a case of water bottles on the ground with a small fatigued grunt, and then gets in the back of the car for a nap.
Andy: “Ed, you want a pillow or something? They’re in the back of the car, next to the spare oil.”
Ed reaches over to the boot from his seat inside and takes a small pillow, fluffing it up a bit, before yawning and laying down on the back seat. Meanwhile, Andy hits his head on the bonnet going back to the dashboard wiring and is a bit miffed by the situation.
Andy: “Ow fuck, that hurt a bit… Anyways, ahem everything is still intact on this side, anything weird in the bay?”
The service manual is promptly passed on to Connor, as Valentin is not able to read Japanese. Connor starts flipping through the booklet, looking at each page for what was at most a second. Handing the manual back is prevented by Valentin taking a dive into the engine bay in an attempt to figure something out. As such, Connor holds onto it for now.
The case of water is quickly looted for a bottle each by Constantin and Tim. Valentin doesn’t bother for now, as his lanky nature allows him to deal with heat better than most others.
“So… it just died an now won’t start, right?”, Valentin asks with his head next to Andy’s under the bonnet of the stricken car. His massive, blonde haircut practically blinds him, also covering most of the rocker cover and it’s immediate surroundings in the process. Some Swedish expletive can be heard as he, unsuccessfully, attempts to clean the bay up by tucking his hair behind his ears. This results in it shifting a bit and him having full eyesight, but the rocker cover still looks like some tacky fur-pattern seat cover.
“Do you have a rubber band i can borrow…”, Valentin asks, visibly annoyed, popping back out of the engine bay.
Rummaging around through the stash of supplies in the boot, Jay tries to find a rubber band for Valentin. All he finds a roll of duct tape, and grimaces for a second to think if this will work.
Jay: “I’ve found some duct tape if you’d like to use that, but- oh, hang on a second!”
Beneath a fold of one of the linen sheets was a small piece of flexible rubber piping amongst a sea of shimmering metallic clamps and other spare hoses/pipes. Jay breathes a sigh of relief, and puts the tape back. Once again he runs around to the front of the car, before handing it to Valentin. He looks at his long, well-kept hair and worries about it getting dirty from the innards of the bay.
Jay: “You want me to grab you a towel for your hair, mate? Don’t want it getting dirty!”
Having heard about the duct-tape, Valentin flinches, as it wasn’t meant to repair the car. Once Jay returns, Valentin looks at a bit befuddled, having expected to get some kind of an O-Ring, which he planned to use to tie up his hair a bit. He straightens himself back up to his full 7’3", facing Jay.
“Anything that’ll keep my hair out of the bay will do, thanks. A Towel won’t do much good if it’s covered in oil.”, he states, once again moving his hairdo out of eyesight.
Meanwhile, Connor walks up to Andy, holding out the service manual toward him.
“I think i should return this.”, He says, clinical and calm as he always is.
Constantin just casually takes the occasional sip out of the supplied water, knowing that he cannot be of much help. The same basically applies to Tim as well, with both of them looking at the happenings from afar.
With a hand on his head and releasing a defeated sigh, Andy takes the service manual back to the glovebox of the car, placing it back above the rest of the paperwork. He glances over at Ed, who is fast asleep, and gets in to think about what the team was going to next. Leaning out of the doorframe, he shouts out to Jay to ask if there was any news.
Andy: “Anything new come up mate? It’s been a while, and I’m worried if we’ll get anywhere as of now…”
Jay: “Not sure, nothing’s really happened, and it’s all a bit of a mess, I reckon we’ll be here a while longer to be honest.”
Andy removes the cap off the bottle of his water, and washes his hands a bit after messing about with bits and bobs in the engine bay, taking out a book and starts reading it in the passenger seat. Meanwhile, Ed wakes up and yawns like a housecat waking up after 16 hours of lazing about, deciding to clean up the boot and organizing everything after the rough roads jumbled everything about.
As soon as the manual was handed over, Connor walks over to the driver seat of the car. Stood in the open door, he looks inside, his view going back and forth between the interior and the engine bay.
“Am i correct in assuming that the dashboard is powered, but the vehicle’s starter motor is inoperable?”, Connor asks, using wording more complicated than necessary.
Tim takes note and translates his question into a more dumbed-down alternative: “Does the car crank if you turn the key?”
Valentin up front has found a solution and is now crouching in front of the car, lowering his viewing angle to the point at which his hair is not of concern anymore. Unfortunately, he is none the wiser, as he rarely works on fuel injected cars and the only intricate electronics he is proficient in is motor-battery units of electrically-assisted bicycles.
“I’m sorry. I don’t have an idea on what to do up here. Maybe some percussive maintenance, but that’s about it…”, he groans, looking at Andy in the car through the slit created by the open hood at the base of the windshield.
Andy: “The car won’t even turn over, it’s properly buggered, but everything on the dash works, even the radio see?”
Andy turns on the stereo, which had a disc of Phil Colemans’ top hits inserted, with the volume set quite high and loud. He quickly turns it off embarrassed, and proceeds to keep turning the key in the barrel, which results in nothing happening apart from the dashboard beeping every time it’s turned on.
Ed: “What on earth was that!!??”
Andy: “Nothing, don’t worry about it… anyways, it doesn’t turn over and I’m guessing this bodes unwell for us?”
Ed stands back and looks at the organized, clean space he has made in the boot, and closes the hatch, taking a swig of water whilst Andy hides his beloved CD in the drivers’ doorbin.
“Huh… Starter motor or so…”, Valentin starts, before being deafened by Phil Collins Coleman.
“[Swedish expletive]”, he exclaims as he jerks about in fear, as do the others in response to the impromptu disco jam.
Connor, meanwhile, took the info to reference his now-internal copy of the service manual, getting a slew of possible faults. “Vehicle entertainment works, but won’t start. Possible causes: …”,Connor says, continuing with a list of at least 20 entries denoting what could be the cause of the car’s behavior. He practically reads that straight from the service manual, in a similar way a text-to-speech program would, albeit with a much less robotic sounding voice.
“That sure is good and all, but where do we start?”, Valentin asked, yielding no response as the service manual seems to have listed the causes in no particular order.
“I know, coming from electrically assisted bicycles that the lights and all still work if the battery is nearly dead… might be that.”, he added, clearing out the obvious stuff first in hopes of striking gold.
Andy: "I’m afraid it cant be the battery, because that was replaced in the service in Nevada; it’s a brand new BARTA brand battery too, reputed for good quality. "
Andy takes out the auction sheet, pre-inspection papers and service schedule, showing that almost every regular service part was replaced in the garage back in the USA, stamped clearly with markings denoting the parts used.
Jay: “So what is it then? Everything else works in the car, it’s literally just the engine, how odd…”
Ed: “Maybe the garage fitted the battery wrong?”
Jay: “That would only happen if you fit the battery, Ed.”
The trio think about their situation for another time, and once again come to no coherent conclusions Andy jokingly remarks again about how they should’ve brought an OBD II scanner with them on this journey, but secretly wishes that they had brought it with them, as it would help greatly in this situation.
With the added info, Connor is able to rule out the vast majority of the probable causes listed.
“Fitting the battery with incorrect polarity would immediately destroy the electrical system in it’s entirety. The vehicle would not have started the event in this configuration. The only reasonable causes that remain are all related to the Engine Control Unit. The fault is likely to be found there.”, he explains with confidence.
“Yup. Seems plausible. But we cannot really help with that… no soldering iron and all that.”, Valentin admits upon hearing that their ECU likely is toast.
“Well… what now?”, Tim asks, “we cannot help fix it and the car only seats five.”
“We could tow it.”, Constantin suggests, finally uttering his first few words since arrival. His voice was similar to Valentin’s, but a fair bit deeper.
“Towing the Hakaru would exceed the rated towing capacity of our vehicle by a factor of two.”, Connor states, aware that it would dampen team morale, but the anaemic 1.6 of the Brick would’ve struggled hard to get going anyway.
“Well… sorry we can’t help…”, Tim utters in defeat, looking at the still-broken white hatchback sat beside the road.
With the inevitable circumstances, the the trio headed back into the car and sank into their seats. The other team muttered some things about the issue but in the end, the team was not going anywhere, anytime soon. What was once a small, quick hatchback now became a big broken paperweight, beside the forest-y gravel road. Ed, Jay and Andy thanked the other team for trying to help them and going out of their way to stop.
Andy: “Thanks you guys, for stopping to try to help us even though we haven’t really got the right stuff to fix anything, we’ll be trying to get somewhere with this hopefully.”
Jay: “I’m sure it’ll be fine hah, we have some bodging to do anyways.”
An agitated Andy now begins to put his face in his hands and groan into them in pain.
Team RK Series Racing was equally bummed out that they still were stranded. Constantin heads into the back of the Dione. goes into the trunk, keeping it open with his left hand as the gas struts aren’t really useful anymore. He digs out a pair of Water-Filtration-Straws and tosses them into the case of water bottles Ed has placed down previously.
“If you end up staying longer than your case will last you, those will help you not die of food poisoning when you inevitably use the river to quench your thirst.”, Constantin explains, at least securing their water supply for the time being.
“Well… There’s little point in sitting here now, is it?”, Tim asks, getting non-verbal agreement from both Schrants.
“At least there’s a few more teams coming up. Maybe they can help.”, he adds in an attempt to get their spirits up.
Soon after, they wish them good luck in fixing the car… or getting it fixed. The team takes their respective seats in the Dione, with Connor driving and they slowly pull away from the white hatch, flooring it soon after once they are fast enough that the engine cannot cause wheelspin anymore.
[End of the cooperation with Executive]
A few minutes after having taken off, Connor was back at it, sending the Dione across the gravel path at 70+MPH, sometimes even breaching 80.
“Too bad we couldn’t help them… now they’re stuck waiting for someone else.”, Valentin mutters, looking out the window as the tropical landscape passes by.
“We’re not helping them by being stood next to them doing jackshit.”, Constantin sternly replies, visibly annoyed at Valentin’s emotional sensitivity.
“We tried out best and couldn’t fix it. There’s a number of teams behind us. Some of them apparently can do magic, so they’ll be fine.”, Tim says, turning around to the distraught Valentin for a few seconds.
Valentin just sighs in response.
Eventually, the poor morale wears off, with the remaining drive being nothing special, apart from the blistering speed, that is.
OOC:
anyone want to do a quick segment about the Dione spectacularly passing some other car?
more closely thinking of the few teams immediately behind me, those being:
), tearing it’s bumper clean off.
