Team Shift Happens & Team VSmgAB
Prologue, Part 1
Prologue, Part 2
Prologue, Part 3:
March 31st, 2023, Shitbox Rally Starting Location, Nevada, 12:27 PM
It had been several long months since the infamous email hit the internet, courtesy of Malavera sparking interest. Those who had replied had gotten further information, regarding the third-party power situation and how to sign up for it. Now, however, was the day it all came together. Today was the first day of Shitbox Rally 2023, and it was… Well, it was the first unofficial campsite, waiting for everyone to arrive.
Kasiya and Takaraya pulled their giant vehicles off of the gravel road, a significant upgrade to last year’s dirt path, weaving around until they found suitable parking for both vehicles. The refrigerator units on the Carry-All and the trailers buzzed quietly, courtesy of a lot of mufflers and even forcing them to draw their air through the intake plumbing and air filter boxes of three different 1985 to 1998 AMP Mars V6 engines. Two of the three units had been provided by Valentin with the third unit found in the junkyard, courtesy of a Moover T100 with all the classic markings of being t-boned by an SUV.
This year, as people would have to spend time in the starting area, including the night, Kaylie had a few extra amenities provided. A handful of cheap charcoal grills offered a means to at least cook meat, a couple of picnic tables offered places for meals, and an arrangement of porta-potties were scattered around the campground to offer a place to do one’s business. Jayde, of course, had insisted on “acoustically improving” the plastic echo-boxes with a little magic, making it so that sounds from inside were rather muffled, as a bit of privacy.
Of course, there hadn’t been much they could do regarding water supply on the spot, so the solution there had just been to get an International Bulk Container of drinking water, put it up on a metal stand, and attach a faucet valve to it so people could fill canteens, bottles, and jugs as needed.
As the crew departed their two trucks, it was Kivenaal who checked on the new portal shed, designed large enough to fit the giant-ass trucks through with trailers, even if it’d still basically be single-file into the Rift. Kasiya transferred himself from the driver’s seat to the rear bench, typing up his first entry of the journey. Kayden and Jayde started up two of the grills, with both of them carrying grocery bags of “lunch” for the crew. Kaylie climbed up onto the roof-rack of Takaraya’s RV, using it as a look-out platform, while Malavera pulled his “laptop” out from under a seat, sat down at a picnic table, and pushed the power button. Rukari opened up the Carry-All’s storage room, grabbed a chair and a beach umbrella, and proceeded to set up his own personal bit of shade. Takaraya decided, after realizing Kivenaal was done portal-checking, to help Kivenaal set up the shooting range, carrying target boards out to various distances and setting them up, while Kivenaal walked around with the stapler and tacked targets to the boards.
“Dust on the horizon!” Kaylie called out, seeing the tell-tale sign of vehicles coming down the gravel road.
It quickly became obvious that those vehicles were familiar, since they all were either forest green or khaki in color while also obviously being military in origin. The convoy, however, did drag a civilian-looking Moover V100 van along for the trip, which apparently wasn’t all that happy on the poor “roads” near the starting area.
They circle around to the far side of the area, claiming a fairly sizeable amount of land within, where the crew immediately went to work in unloading the train in it’s entirety. Meanwhile, the driver of the Moover Van dumps 62 individual packages into the dirt, practically underneath the rear bumper and leaves immediately afterwards, without a word.
“Rude…” Valentin mumbled while heading over to the Shift Happens crew, ‘dragging’ a somewhat tired, but excited Njordal along with him, “Well hello there. We’re just gonna unload real quick. The US army will head home once they’re done, leaving the train and the Swedish Navy here for the event. Also: those boxes contain the cables and splitter boxes for each team. Was easier to just ship all of them here. Doubt that anyone will steal them in the middle of nowhere…”
“Today is the day! Vacatioon” Norse beamed in exitement, following up with the yawn of all yawns, “need to try Val’s bed solution for a nap…”
“Good to see you!” Kaylie said from her perch on top of the RV. Realizing she couldn’t see Kasiya anywhere, she sighed, reached into a pocket, and pulled out a fistful of pennies. “Mind your heads over there, I’m about to get Kasiya’s attention, but I have to throw these.” With a lazy right-handed lob, Kaylie landed 25 cents worth of loose change on the roof of the Carry All’s cab.
Kasiya startled, saved his document, then shoved open the cab door. “What the hell was that?” he asked, looking around until he saw Kaylie, and then the pennies in the dirt. “Really?” Kasiya said, shaking his head as he dropped down out of the cab, only then really noticing Val and Norse were there.
“Ah. Good afternoon, Valentin. Good afternoon, Njordal. Sorry, the cab’s got decent sound insulation and I was writing up my first journal of the trip until it started raining coins,” Kasiya said. “I suppose now that I’m out of the cab, I should probably get a little time in with the weights while we wait.”
Kaylie yelled down, “Yeah, just remember, Kasiya, who you’re around. Keep it normal.”
Kayden yelled back, “No, Kaylie, if he wants to push the limits, let him. I think Norse and Val can handle that the guy who weighs 500 kilograms can arm-curl almost 160 in each hand. It’s why we put all those damn weight plates into the rear compartment of the trailers.”
“I was only going to do about 90 kilograms. 200 pounds,” Kasiya replied, shaking his head. “Not the full 350 pounds per hand that I can do. I still have to drive tomorrow.”
“Curling 160? That is mighty impressive, but not all that surprising, given… whatever you are,” Valentin commented, having no clue about what Kasiya and the others were biologically. Though he also did not care all too much, since it’s the 21st century, filled with progressiveness and tolerance and all that.
“As if you have anything to say about weightlifting with your noodle arms. I remember you struggling to lift your own bike onto the stands and you blaming it on ‘leverage’, HAHA!” Norse joked, lightly prodding Val into the left arm, which is rubbed in response.
“Record is 160 kilos. Once. About a month ago, because others in the gym really wanted to know what ‘the lighthouse’ was made of. Have never gone that far since…” Valentin muttered, really not keen on collecting supposed bragging rights.
“PROVE IT!” Norse shouted, flabbergasted by the seemingly outlandish claims Valentin was making.
“I’d rather not fuck up myself for the remaining day… still need to set up the generator and such once the military guys are done craning everything…” Valentin protested as he motioned over to the convoy, with one of the trailers up in the air by the HEMTT mobile crane unit.
“Aww come oooonnnn… Party-Pooper…” Norse then admitted, which actually pushed Valentin ‘over the edge’ as he reluctantly headed off, just to immediately turn around to the group again.
“If i bust my shirt trying, you get my a new one.” Valentin offered as a compromise, to which Norse eagerly held out a hand, ending in a handshake.
Then, a potential issue dawned on both of them:
“Do we even have a bench?”
Kasiya nodded, walking to the trailer attached to the RV and opening up the lower compartment behind the wheels. He slid the bench out, carrying it over to where Val and Norse were at. “If you give me a moment, I’ll get the weights and bars out,” Kasiya mentioned, before making another trip to grab several different bars in one hand, then grabbed the chain handle for the wooden crate of weights and hauled it out as well. He walked over, taking care to not let the crate get too much momentum going, then set the heavy crate down and laid the bars across the top. He opened up the other trailer’s lower compartment and dragged out the second wooden crate of weights, setting it by the first.
He settled down to the ground, grabbing one of the bars and noting the weight of it, then calculating out weight plates in pounds for a 160 kilogram lift. “Well,” Kasiya said, “I’m having to set you up a little light for a true 160. My calculator says I’d need 352.7 pounds to match that, and our lowest available plate is 1 pound. In the interest of safety, I’d rather go light than heavy.”
Valentin counter-checked the conversion on his phone, which, lo and behold, was accurate.
“350 converts to about 159 kilos. Enough, Norse?” Valentin inquired, getting a nod of approval in response.
“Shooting straight for 350 is suicide. Uhm…” a pause fills the area as Valentin converts units on his phone “200 seems like a safe and easy start.” Valentin suggests as he takes a peek into the weight-crate.
He then reverses a step or two for some room to warm up in.
“Who’s spotting? Would appreciate not choking on the bar in case it goes south…” Valentin asks into the group while mentally and physically readying himself to the best of his abilities in this rather impromptu context.
Kasiya nodded, then grabbed another bar and counted up 200 pounds for it as well. “I’ll spot,” Kasiya said, picking up the first bar loaded to 350 pounds in one hand and lifting it with relative ease to just beneath his chin before he let it down slowly and set it back down, more to prove that he could handle it than anything else. “I’ll have to sit behind the bench, but once you’re ready, let me know and I’ll make sure you’re safe,” Kasiya said, moving the two different bars over to the weight bench.
Kaylie smirked. “You think that arm curl of his was impressive, well… We couldn’t spare the weight onboard the trailers for a couple of engine blocks. So, no, we won’t get to see Kasiya using a concrete picnic table as a weight bench and heaving a pair of V6 shortblocks into the air.”
Kasiya sighed. “I’ve only lifted those once, to be fair. Don’t know how the hell Bricksley made such a heavy V6 block.”
“It’s three-quarters of a V8. That’s why it’s heavy,” Kaylie quipped.
“Yeah that will do.” Valentin noted quickly, halfway through warming up and watching Kasiya load up a 200lbs lift, “Massive lumps of US-built cast iron are heavy, regardless of configuration.”
Norse did not do all that much beyond a still-skeptical look, doubting Valentin’s abilities, some thoughts of his going as far as Valentin wildly overestimating himself and being at risk of injury as a result. Still, the amount of confidence Valentin seemed to have was sufficient in preventing Norse from backpedaling.
By that point, the event had reached the military half of the crew, specifically Constantin, who took a quick glance across the area, but did not pay all to much attention to it yet.
A few minutes later, Valentin finished up the crude warm-up and stepped towards the bench, undoing the top two buttons on his shirt on the way there.
“Here we go then…” Valentin muttered as he took position beneath the bar, which was quite the process due to it being undersized for Valentin.
Kasiya, being the voluntary spotter for Valentin, likewise took seat behind the bench.
Valentin then fumbled in his pockets, fishing out a phone and a wallet, which both were handed to Norse.
With a deep breath for motivation, Valentin completed the lift without any issues, which already impressed Norse a lot.
“What was that? 90 Kilos?” he inquired in awe.
“Mmhm. Can go straight to 110. Lifting one ‘me’.” Valentin responded, only tilting his head a little towards Norse, also prompting Kasiya to add a couple smaller plates to either side of the bar in the meantime.
“Weren’t you like ninety-something kilos?” Norse asked, unsure about if Valentin actually gained weight or if he was just misremembering.
“Not anymore…” Valentin said, thus proving Norse right in that Valentin was lighter at some point in the past.
Kasiya carefully calculated out the needed additional plates, adding them to the bar and securing them in place. Afterward, he smiled and mentioned, “There’s 242 pounds, or almost 110 kilograms. It’s less than a quarter-kilo light.”
Kaylie smirked as she listened in on the conversation between Norse and Val. “Well, you’re already outlifting me. I can do 90 kilos, but I’m basically relying 100% on my left arm to carry it, and that’s a sure-fire way to be sore for three days.”
Kasiya chuckled. “I mean, I know I’m strong, but even I’m a bit wary of my limits here. Not sure I’d be able to load the bar and curl it one-handed,” he said. “After all, that’s 700 pounds of weights. About… 317 and a half kilos.”
Kaylie added in, “Well, if you could, that’s more than it’d take to lift your father, so, keep that in mind.”
“Certainly enough to prevent me from crushing my throat on the bar, at least.” Valentin commented as he readied himself for the 120KG lift, which also was easily hoisted back onto the little barbell hooks on the bench.
By that point, the racket of it caught the attention of the recruits.
“LOOK! THE GIANT NOODLE IS BENCHING!!!”, Rohan called out, thus prompting every member of the Swedish forces present, including Constantin, to head over and investigate.
What initially was just latent curiosity soon devolved into mindless cheering in an attempt to get Val to beat his (to them unknown) records.
With the added audience, the 130kg, 140kg and 150kg went to Valentin’s chest and back up to the rack again, but not without collateral damage.
As predicted by Valentin, his button-up dress shirt did not appreciate the abuse at all, sending almost every single button flying off in random directions. Only the bottom two buttons held up, with the others becoming little plastic projectiles from the collar downwards.
Despite the distraction, Valentin manages to rack the 150kg barbell without aid, but he does get up to inspect the damage.
“You owe me 879 Krona.” Valentin blankly stated, with Norse mentally in shambles as that shirt apparently was way more expensive than initially thought. The others just stood around the bench, both impressed at Valentin’s abilities and confused at what unfolded between him and Norse.
“Fuck…” Norse muttered, not saying anything beyond that as Valentin himself admitted defeat and, since it was now broken anyways, ditched the shirt entirely, revealing a physique that very well explains his outlandish claims, with dense and compact muscle composition and extraordinarily little body fat.
“DAAAAMN!”, every recruit called out in unison upon seeing Valentin, neither of them having expected that he would turn out to be a more compact and denser, but taller variant of Constantin.
Still, Valentin had his side of the bet to prove and had 160kg racked by Kasiya, which, with loads of cheering and an absolutely flabbergasted Norse surrounding him, was achieved successfuly.
Feeling confident, an attempt at 165kg was made, but turned out too much for the current situation as Valentin stalled halfway going up, requiring Kasiya’s aid to complete it.
Kasiya grimaced in the moment that Val’s shirt gave way, knowing fully how annoying ruining a good, comfortable shirt could be. However, when Val managed to rack up the barbell and then mentioned the cost of his shirt, Kasiya gave a light shrug. He wasn’t aware of the exact value, but he understood that the bigger someone was, the more expensive their clothing tended to be.
As Valentin successfully benched 160 kilograms, Kasiya smiled, though seemed a little concerned when Val asked for 165. He counted up weight plates, then said, “I can give you 362 pounds or 364. One’s just shy of 165, one’s just slightly over it. Your choice.”
“Baby reps. Shy of 165,” Valentin replied.
“Always better to err on the side of caution,” Kasiya said, placing the bar up into the hooks for Valentin.
It turned out that it was probably a good decision to be cautious, as Valentin stalled halfway up, and Kasiya carefully lifted the weights back into the rack to help him out.
“Not bad at all,” Kasiya admitted. “Not bad at all. 110 kilograms lifting 160. I can’t use the bench anyway, but to match that, I’d need a hell of a lot more plates than we have here. And I doubt that I could, to be honest.”
After having failed the attempt at 165, Valentin got up to a seated position on the bench, taking a passing look at the bubble of people around him.
“You win. I’m a fucking wimp compared to you… Like… the fuck?” Norse stammered at the fact that he has been oblivious for all this time.
“I have to ask… What do you think i have been doing for the past eight months or so? Staying in bed and deteriorating further than i already did courtesy of a two month stint spent de-facto bedridden is not exactly my cup of tea… And you cannot really ride much with the poor off-season weather, either.” Valentin mentioned as he loosely draped the now-broken shirt back over his shoulders again.
“Uhm… you make a very solid point…” Norse mumbled as Valentin claimed phone and Wallet out of his hands.
By that time, the recruits and Constantin headed back to work unloading the equipment, the latter of which not exactly pleased, given that he came uncomfortably close to his performance and even managed to beat him soundly if correcting for body weight.
“Time to figure out how i get 900 Krona for your shirt…” he added, mentally going through the list of sellable stuff he had in an attempt to raise sufficient funds.
“Worry about the shirt later. Way later. I still have spares here,” Valentin countered in an attempt to get Norse’s mind elsewhere with rather little success, since it was a matter of honor now.
Kasiya sighed, looking at the mess of weight plates, bars, and the bench he’d brought out. “Well, I dragged all of it out, so…” Kasiya muttered to himself.
Kaylie smirked, figuring a way to kill two birds with one stone. “Hey Norse,” Kaylie called out. “Mind helping Kasiya get the weights back into the boxes? I’ll pay you $20 just for helping, even if all you do is move the lightweight stuff for him. Don’t strain yourself, Kasiya’s stronger than he fuckin’ looks.”
Kasiya took the time to remove all the weights from the bars, then grabbed a stack of 50 pound plates and carried them over to the boxes, making sure they went back in equal amounts so both boxes would end up weighing 350 pounds.
Upon hearing the offer, Norse did not think twice and immediately got to work arranging what little he could lift evenly into the crates as instructed. Contrary to Valentin, he did not specifically train for strength over the winter since he never felt a true need to.
Valentin meanwhile made way for the Kasiya and Norse to clear up the bench, though he did feel bad for not helping since he was the one using it. Instead, he dabbled on his watch, changing his nanites from ‘normal’ to ‘adaptive’. In response, they substantially ramped up their activity which was outwardly obvious to anyone in the know, as Valentin immediately seemed more alert, wired even.
By this time, the equipment supplied by Valentin was off the trucks, which in turn moved clear of the ‘official’ starting area, lining up a bit beyond it. This left the crane truck, which also contained everything the Swedish soldiers brought along for the trip.
Thus, the recruits and Constantin spent a while shuffling equipment and supplies from the HEMTT into the two green lodging carriages while Valentin got to work setting up the generator as contractually agreed with everyone present (at this time only Shift Happens).
Robert was parked up smack-dab in the middle of the area, where his worm-gear support feet ensured perfectly level positioning for maximum efficiency. Rainer was then used to move the other trailers as needed in cooperation with the military personnel.
With that done, Robert was set to produce mains electricity instead of motive power.
After that, a couple boxes were hauled from the stack somewhere on the lot to the plug array on the rear left door, hooking up all three trailers to plugs number #1, #2 and #3 respectively for the time being.
Norse could hear the AC unit whirring from across the lot and immediately claimed his compartment within to take a nap.
Valentin, meanwhile headed back over to Shift Happens:
“Mains electricity is now available. You have plugs number four, five and six until the remaining 24 are filled.” he explains, still not having gone through the effort of changing into a non-broken shirt.
Kasiya smiled as Norse helped out with the weights and equipment, the two of them getting the work done a fair bit quicker than if he’d done so on his own. True to her word, Kaylie made sure her landing zone was clear, then slid off of the roof rack, landing lightly on her feet before handing Norse his $20. As Norse wandered over to his sleeping compartment and Val announced that service had started, Kaylie smiled.
“Good. That means Kasiya can let the 16 cylinder generator take a break,” Kaylie quipped.
“Hey, you’re the one who threw something onto the roof,” Kasiya said, shaking his head. “Admittedly, I got distracted and forgot to shut off the engine.”
“Either way, we’ll need three 400 volt cables and one distribution box. Ideally, we’d use two distribution boxes, but considering that the Carry-All is fitted with the appropriate socket, and I doubt anyone needs 200 gallons of regular unleaded gasoline dispensed right this second, but silently, one box will be fine,” Kaylie said.
As Rukari walked up, Kaylie sighed. “And where have you been?” she asked.
“Marking spots to put light units up,” Rukari replied.
“Right, fair enough. Go get Malavera and the two of you can get these lights up. Kasiya, shut the engine down please. I’m going to see if Jayde’s got any chicken grilled yet. Feel free to join in, Val, there’s likely going to be plenty, and we’re prepared,” she said, motioning to the trailer behind the RV, “to bring leftovers along.”
Between Kasiya, Malavera, and Rukari, it didn’t take long to set up the camp lights for their first proper trial run. The energy-efficient outdoor-rated lights were, admittedly, completely unnecessary in the mid-day Nevada sun, but by having them in place, they had at least guaranteed that by the time others arrived, there would be plenty of light.
Kivenaal and Takaraya joined the others at the tables closest to the RV and truck, both carrying stacked plates of burgers. “Well,” Kiva said, looking over to Kaylie, “after we eat, we get to tell our friends-in-uniform over there that the range is ready.”
Valentin took a quick note on his phone, adding relevant information to the spreadsheet containing usage data and plug assignments.
With that done, he quickly headed back to Robert, making sure that everything was working as intended. Each occupied plug was investigated for correct position, the respective cable being tagged with the team name using it.
With everything running smoothly and fuel for more than three days due to the currently miniscule load, Valentin returned to the others with an almost comically small camping chair in tow.
Meanwhile, at the military side of things, the recruits and Constantin have finished unloading their supplies from the remaining HEMTT, made evident by the entire convoy roaring away from the area in a massive cloud of dust.
